To want access to my money

[SaveYourTearsForYourPillow]

Myself and Dp are trying to sort out finances. He wants to open a new account for all out bills and rent to come out of each month. That is fine however he wants the account in his name.

He wants us both to put in a surplus amount in each month to ensure all bills are covered. AIBU to say no to this if I do not have access to the account?

What's the background to this? Does he take the piss this much in other areas?

Tell him to fottfsof.

End of.

What was his reasoning when you challenged him? Bonkers, btw - no way would I allow this. If both of you are putting money in then it absolutely has to be in both names.

Suggest that the account should only be in your name. See how he likes dem apples?

How would he react if you wanted it only in his name?

In YOUR name, I mean!

We do this we have a joint account for day to day bills that change like food, elec etc but longer term joint savings for things like MOT&service, house repairs etc are in my name only and OH has no access.

Neither of us has really given it any thought or considered it controlling.

he wants the account in his name

This is what I would have issue with rather than the actual account being in his name iyswim...the fact he actively wants it in his name.

If it was just more practical for a new account of ours to be in dh's name only - if my ID was lost or it was easier for dh to go to the bank rather than us both go or similar so it just kind of happened - then I would have no issue with the account being in dh's name. I trust him implicitly and would have no problem.

If he actively was pushing for my name not to be on the account that would be a whole other matter and i'd want to know why.

Short-sighted?

Is that what they call it these days?

So you are about to double your money and he wants an account in his name. Nice timing.

YANBU. Open a joint account but nothing comes out but bills, this is the set up for me and DP and we're yet to have a disagreement.

No, just no. What is his plan for the account? You say he is 'short sighted' - does he think you are blind? At worst he will be able to cream off money to use for himself and you will be unable to keep tabs. Again, no. Both names on the account or no account.

Would he be happy with an account in just your name? Why would it not be in both names if you share finances? Very odd to want it only in his name, particularly if you're both putting in money. You have the right to have that available to you.

Paying bills not a problem.
Handing over any surplus and not having access when hell freezes over. He wants some extra spending money he either gets a better paid job or an extra job cos like fuck would I be funding his lifestyle. And then what go cap in hand to ask to big man for money and have to justify what I want my money for?
He controlling in other ways?

And what reason has he given for only having his name on the account? You have said that you aren't in debt - and given that it's your wage that is increasing, there is simply no way of justifying why he should only have access to an account that is being used for joint bills and expenses.

Bonkers.

A joint account for household bills and food and petrol etc that you both pay into and both have access too is really useful. However what's useful is that you BOTH have access to it.

You might like to point out that if it's in his name only then all the food shopping, all the bills etc will now all have to be sorted out by him.

He's not controlling and has now agreed with me. We will be getting a joint account.

As I said I am not great with money and he throught this would be easier as I wouldn't worry about running out each month. I don't think he realised how alarming it was to me and others that I wouldn't have access. The surplus is what we do already only in seperate accounts.

YANBU and not only for the reasons give. If you aren't on the account you won't be able to pay any bills or sort out any problems that arise along the way.

Joint account all the way. We have a bills account and it is a good arrangement. In reality I do all that stuff but theoretically we both can.

He wants us both to put in a surplus amount in each month to ensure all bills are covered.

is it only enough to cover bills or your surplus money too?

What reasons has he given to wanting it only in his name?

YANBU - you are paying in, so you are entitled to access. What if he was ill/dropped dead? You would have a real job getting access to money that you would need to run your home. (I speak from experience - my husband had a heart attack some years ago, and I wasn't even allowed to pay our credit card which was due. Everything is joint, now.)

If he feels that only one of you needs access, get the account put in your name.

Absolutely not. I can't think of a single reason why a bill account wouldn't be a joint one outside of quite extreme issues (compulsive spending, gambling, addiction).

Does he want all the surplus going in there?

DP and I have had a joint bills / household account for years. It's quite simple: neither of us 'just' dips into it, even for small amounts. If it runs low, we look at our outgoings. If it builds up a surplus that might be used for furniture, replacement white goods or transferred into the mortgage. We still both have access to it, but were clear from the start what it's for and what it's not.

No way, no how. Your money, your name on the account. That would be a complete deal breaker. If he only wants it in his name he can put only his own money in it.

By surplus I meant if our bills came to 750 a month for example be both put in 400 to ensure it all got covered with a cushion.