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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be feeling a bit upset shaken about this incident

55 replies

sunshinesoph155 · 30/12/2016 00:56

I live in a fairly rural town with a small train station, the platforms can get quite dark. Last night I got to the station to find the train was delayed by about 15 minutes so had to wait on the platform with an older man who I at first just walked past and stood at the other end of the platform

I had my headphones in and all of a sudden the man (clearly drunk) was right inmyface ranting about how his wife sleeps in separate bedrooms and how "He'd like to start on me" and various other unsubtle sexual remarks. At first I completely ignored him but then in the end, had to practically run away down the platform and down the exit until he would leave me alone.

He didn't physically touch me but it's left me feeling really shaken? AIBU - I don't know if to report it, as he didn't actually do anything to me, but today especially I have been feeling a bit vulnerable as I keep remembering how threatened I felt in the dark and didn't know what to do.

OP posts:

Itsallgoodimtold · 30/12/2016 02:00

Please report. You can imagine the CCTV footage. Would this same 'harmless enough' man have approached and intimidated another man? No, he made a choice and will choose again

Italiangreyhound · 30/12/2016 02:11

So sorry to hear this. It is crap.

Please report, no idea if he would be caught but it is still a good idea. It may make you feel better for doing something about it, and it may have some impact. As others have said he could try that again. You could easily have fallen over and been injured in running away! It is a big deal.

Great post from OneWithTheForce

Isyss · 30/12/2016 02:18

always women getting picked on like this, sorry this happened to you op. Simualr things have happened to me as well, it is awful.

Jux · 30/12/2016 02:39

You were in a vulnerable situation, alone in the dark, and the man took advantage of that and made you feel more vulnerable. It is incredibly upsetting, and of course you're feeling shaken.

Reporting him is absolutely the right thing to do.

Original poster

sunshinesoph155 · 30/12/2016 13:23

Thank you for being kind everyone. I'm going to report him to the transport police on PPs suggestion.

OP posts:

JustanotherJP · 30/12/2016 13:50

Yes do report. At minimum this is a public order offence of threatening behaviour. The 'harm' to you is judged not only on physical actions but your feelings too.

Sallycinnamum · 30/12/2016 13:57

Please call the BTP. They will take this very seriously.

I have a lot of work related contact with the BTP and I can assure you they will want to know about this incident asap.

FannyCradock · 30/12/2016 13:59

That would scare me, glad you're going to report.

BitOutOfPractice · 30/12/2016 14:27

oh op that sounds scary

good for you for reporting. it may stop it happening to another woman

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 30/12/2016 14:29

report as next time he will do worse. Poor you ! horrible

Viewofhedges · 30/12/2016 14:33

I know others have said this but it is a good idea for EVERYONE to have the British Transport Police text number in their phone. It is 61016. If you're reading this can you put it in your address books?

I have used this when I was alone on a train and a group of football louts were shouting awful things at someone else - I was able to alert the police without drawing attention to myself which I was too scared to do. (Police were brilliant, they respond instantly). Reporting it helps them to find these bastards who make others feel unsafe when they have every right to.

Hope you're feeling less shaken now.

dollydaydream114 · 30/12/2016 14:42

Yes, you can call BTP about something like that. He was aggressive and intimidating and saying he'd like to 'start on you' isn't just harassment, it's an outright threat of sexual assault (even if he had no intention of acting it).

If you report it, at the very least they'll have it on record. For all we know, other women might have complained about him too - and if he regularly does this sort of thing it could be useful for the police and whichever train operator runs the station to build up a picture of how he behaves. If he's a frequent harasser of women and/or is drunk or abusive they could even potentially ban him from the station - I used to work in transport and there were a few offenders who were barred from certain bus or rail stations for various types of antisocial behaviour.

I really sympathise; it's horrible when something like this happens, particularly when you're alone at night like that. I hope you're OK.

Abraiid2 · 30/12/2016 14:46

Please report it. My teenage daughter sometimes has to travel alone in th dark and I would be so grateful to know that women who have had horrible experiences like this are reporting them and helping to keep things safer for all women. I hope you feel better now.

Jux · 30/12/2016 14:50

Is that UK wide? I suppose the British bit gives it away! Also, any form of public transport, ie coaches, buses and trains? Taxis? Sorry to be dim.

PinkSwimGoggles · 30/12/2016 15:00

yes report. dd (5 at the time) and I were harassed/assaulted on a train once.
the trainline snd transport police took it very seriously!

you did the right thing removing yourself from the situation.

next time something like this happens, take a photo with your phone.

Original poster

sunshinesoph155 · 30/12/2016 17:45

Hello again, I spoke to a lovely man from the British Transport Police who said they would like to come and speak to me so I'm feeling a bit worried about that, but I understand its not possible to make an anonymous complaint about this sort of thing.

I'm feeling really apprehensive about the whole situation (as he did warn me that if they prosecute him - if he's done it before/other offences) I might have to give evidence but I would feel awful if someone was raped and it turned out to be the same guy. DP also went in to the train station office (on another platform) and had a word with the staff and told them they need to be keeping a better eye.

Thank you for all the support!

OP posts:

Jux · 30/12/2016 18:01

Well done. Apprehension is natural, but just tell them what happened, and you'll be fine.

Keremy · 30/12/2016 18:05

Well done op. I would hate to think he may build up to worse and someone else could come out worse.

ridingsixwhitehorses · 30/12/2016 18:08

Thanks for the text number. V helpful. Didn't know that. A few times I have wanted to report something but not been able to make call.

HannahSmithson45 · 30/12/2016 18:09

Harassment and report him. . I'm so sorry op.

Abraiid2 · 30/12/2016 18:14

Well done you. It can't have been easy.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/12/2016 18:23

Great for being brave. Perhaps it would be best to think about not using your headphones in such circumstances and to be more aware of your surroundings.

xmaspost · 30/12/2016 18:31

Well done OP, it is very important to report these types of things. They are all too common, and went unaddressed for years.

BTP are supportive. A few years ago, a co-worker of mine who used the same train was reported for an incident when drunk. It seemed to have been a wake-up call for that individual!

honeyroar · 30/12/2016 18:42

Well done, and don't feel worried, you're doing a good thing and may prevent it happening to someone else. Even if nothing happens and he doesn't get prosecuted it may make him think twice next time.

And although your OH sounds great, I don't necessarily blame the station staff. These are also the reason I like conductors on trains, they're not just for shutting doors, they're part of security...

YeOldMa · 30/12/2016 18:51

Hats off to you sunshinesoph155 for taking that brave step. I am sure the BTP will be very gentle with you and if you do have to give evidence, victim support will hold your hand throughout any court procedure.

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