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Original poster

To ask for your best nicknames for friends/colleagues?

73 replies

GilMartin · 29/12/2016 13:53

Met up with a former colleague just before Christmas and we started reminising. It made me chuckle thinking of some of the nicknames. Along with obvious ones like 'Dusty' Miller or 'Chalky' White, I've worked with colleagues with some great nicknames:

I've worked with a bloke who was always late and known as 'Simba' as he was the Lie-in King.

Another bloke (Harry) notorious for early swerves was known as half day Harry or the blacksmith (as he was always making a bolt for the door)

A bloke who tried to sleeze his way into the pants of any female colleague was known as Lawrence (of the Labia).

A woman who made up stories and fibbed compulsively was known as Billy (as in Billy Liar)

In another job a copper who was attached to our social work team who was winding down to retirement and would go to any lengths to avoid making an arrest and spent most of his shift in the bookies was known as 'the Gurkha' as he took no prisoners.

The one I feel really sorry for was a friend of my Granddad who was given the first initials W.C. so was known by all and sundry for 70 years as Shithouse Smith.

Anyone got any similar examples?

OP posts:
QODRestYeMerryGentlemen · 29/12/2016 13:55

No but I wish I'd worked with you!

RortyCrankle · 29/12/2016 13:56

I must have led a terribly boring working life - we just used to call each other by our names - no nicknames so can't help - sorry.

oldlaundbooth · 29/12/2016 13:58

Lawrence of the labia Grin

Original poster
GilMartin · 29/12/2016 14:04

I think it was because a lot of my colleagues were ex forces and everyone got a nickname. Mostly their surname with a y bolted on the end or a reference to where they were from like Yorkie or Scouser, but there were a few belters in there.

Another good one: a union rep whose surname was Thomas and who was quite right on (lovely bloke mind you) was known as Tommy the Commie.

OP posts:
LockedOutOfMN · 29/12/2016 14:07

Cookie monster for an absolutely useless ex boss who did nothing but eat biscuits from dawn til dusk. Not very original.

Stompy troll for a current colleague who is exceedingly bad tempered and stomps everywhere.

EZA15 · 29/12/2016 14:11

I used to be called the Poison Dwarf - because I'm short and a bitch but can't think of any nicknames for others that I worked for!

Champagneformyrealfriends · 29/12/2016 14:17

My husband has a colleague they call "Arsey McChin Dick."

I don't know why though.

MyCarHasBrokenDownAgain · 29/12/2016 14:22

We had one colleague known as Ostrich (cos her eye was bigger than her brain) and my friend worked in a hospital where one of the gynecologists was called Mr Fish, aka 'Fish Fingers'! Grin

boomshakkala · 29/12/2016 14:25

Omg arsey Mc chin dick!!!!! Lol lol lol

stoptalkingaboutminecraft · 29/12/2016 14:25

Lots and lots. Used to work in bars and one colleague was great at christening others and many years later a lot of them have stuck though none of us work together any more.

My favourites were a guy called Terry who got called Lava (Lavatory!)
Gas meter (Peter) shortened to gas
Chris known as Packet (Crisp Packet)
A person who's surname was Hogg called Boss Hog

RuggerHug · 29/12/2016 14:25

I don't get the Billy one Confused
We had a poison dwarf too Eza15!

Can't think of any work ones but one of my best mates has an interesting group of friends none of whom are known by actual names. Slippo, Slug, the Hoffmeister, Bushy, Polly Pocket, GayRay, Pizzo, the nettle. There's many more but essentially getting introduced to the group is like the opening of a dodgy 20s style mafia film.

Original poster
GilMartin · 29/12/2016 14:29

As in the book/film Billy Liar by Keith Waterhouse. The title character is a fantasist and day dreamer.

OP posts:
nbee84 · 29/12/2016 14:30

My dd has a friend who joined the police force when they relaxed the height rules - he was about 5ft 4/5in. They called him 'laptop' - as in small pc Grin

CaveMum · 29/12/2016 14:31

I used to know an elderly lady who was known as "Bonk". Sadly she's no longer with us and I never did find out how she got the name (her real name was Virginia).

Original poster
GilMartin · 29/12/2016 14:31

Laptop - I like that one!

OP posts:
AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 29/12/2016 14:32

Worked with a bloke who was a complete arsehole, who had an acolyte that used to follow him around like a lapdog. We called the lapdog "the fly" because they always gather round shit.

One bloke who never stayed in one place (he was a security guard and you could bet he was never where you expected him to be) was Walkabout Walters.

An unpopular short woman was known by others as the Poison Dwarf. I felt quite sorry for her.

Plenty of other politically incorrect nicknames but too identifying.

OhStuffingBalls · 29/12/2016 14:35

I was (unashamedly!) 'Half Day

pandarific · 29/12/2016 14:36

A useless and enraging colleague with the second name 'Weston' was known as Weston-super-nightmare. Grin

BalloonSlayer · 29/12/2016 14:41

I am terribly down in the dumps today for no reason I can work out but Lawrence of the Labia has put a big grin on my face, thank you!

IggyPopsicle · 29/12/2016 14:50

An elderly neighbour (who is also one of DP's dental patients) insists on calling my DP Stuart. His real name sounds nothing like it at all and we have no idea why she does it. We gave up correcting her after the 500th time and now even the receptionist goes along with it and says to her "you have an appointment with Stuart on Wednesday at 10am"

We still have her Xmas card "to Iggy & Stuart" proudly displayed on the mantelpiece Xmas Grin

shrunkenhead · 29/12/2016 14:53

Used to work with a lad who had a lot of time off with random excuses that were clearly untrue.....He earnt himself the NN "Sicknote "!

Original poster
GilMartin · 29/12/2016 15:08

Worked with a bloke who was a complete arsehole, who had an acolyte that used to follow him around like a lapdog. We called the lapdog "the fly" because they always gather round shit

On a similar theme. Every so often management would arrive and announce they were changing us worker drone's job titles 'to reflect the changing nature of our role' (presumably to justify their existence to their bosses or to make the conditions for new starters even less generous) but one new wizz kid decided to ask for ideas in a suggestions box.

There was but one entry one of the old wags had written 'Mushrooms: because you keep us in the dark and heap shite on us day after day.'

OP posts:
zukiecat · 29/12/2016 16:41

One woman who has now left/been sacked was always trying to get people to give her money, she had a chaotic lifestyle and no idea how to budget.

So we called her Tapping Txxxxy

"Tapping" being a Scottish word for borrowing money or things that are usually never paid back

DierdrePewtey · 29/12/2016 16:46

Chap I worked with would always have to do everything better than you. If you went on holiday he went somewhere better. If you bought a new car he had a better one. He was known as 'two shits', i.e. If you did a shit, he had to do two.

SockThiefVictim · 29/12/2016 16:46

I used to work alongside a huge, very exuberant red headed man who was nicknamed "Bungle" Grin