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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want children to play on anything other than xbox etc and enjoy it?

72 replies

Lazymazy1 · 28/12/2016 23:26

Ds (9) obsessed with his tablet / console,
Loves his mates, but anyway, in my mind it's not a positive childhood to spend all his time on them.

His mates come round practically sulking as I encourage them to play other stuff, real games/ card/ lego etc.
My ds understands as I keep boring him with it but it's so hard when mates can not be happy unless they're playing xbox...

What do you all think? Do you limit the time, stick to your guns, or think there is nothing wrong and let them get on with it?

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Girliefriendlikesflowers · 29/12/2016 22:14

Yanbu.

My dd is 10yo, i'm not very techie so we don't have anything like a console or x.box, dd has got a tablet that was last years Christmas present but she is only allowed up to an hour a day on it. Tbh over the holidays she hasn't gone on it at all but she has been watching loads of telly!!

It is about trying to moderate it I suppose, my friend commented the other day that she thinks my dd is 'unusual' as she still likes playing with toys Hmm I find that a bit sad really.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 29/12/2016 22:16

YES LP it is very DM hand wringing.

Biting, I have to say before I caved and got DD a tablet last year I wanted her to be into other things first, like reading etc, and colouring, other things to enjoy when bored.

she now has xbox, tablet etc but still reads a couple of books a week Xmas Shock but now the issue is with younger dd......to also mange to intergrate other hobbies.

I would never ever let them play violent games however, and I agree with earlier comments re soaps - I really regret wasting time watching them. very different to young child enjoying playing games with friends

gillybeanz · 29/12/2016 22:17

I refused to let it be a struggle and was just firm and fair.
I raised them to look at consoles as additional and not really important to them.
If you are firm from the beginning it isn't difficult to limit time and what you spend on games for them.

Original poster
Lazymazy1 · 29/12/2016 22:24

Why is it 'no' limited And irrational?
For those children always allowed to play whenever they want?

Gaming is not a great source of socialisation imo as pp had stated. But that lack of knowing what to do and how to entertain themselves without a device is sad. Being an adult and the only thing you want to do is play on a game, only thing which keeps you entertained- would that happen?
I would hate that for my dcs

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Original poster
Lazymazy1 · 29/12/2016 22:27

Don't you think it's sad long that the only way they perceive fun is by using a console together. No thought, no effort, just passive entertainment.

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gunnergirl · 29/12/2016 22:36

I never had these things growing up but 27 yrs ago when I USA for ayr working Nintendo had just come out I was hooked have always had consoles but to be honest my dd24 now a mum herself and dd 9 have always had consoles but also were into other things tbh both my offspring have been able to go on them whenever but always get bored after awhile and would rather do other things

longdiling · 29/12/2016 22:40

It isn't the only way they perceive fun at all. That's a bit dramatic isn't it? They play football, rugby and cricket together to name just a few activities. Ds likes to make stuff and is obsessed with the Guinness book of records which he's reading cover to cover at the moment. He also throughly enjoyed climbing the biggest mountain in our area yesterday - in fact he asked to do this. And their games aren't passive at all. They create complicated minecraft worlds and try and put together undefeatable football teams on fifa. I can hear them laughing and chatting ainmatedly together when they're over.

Consoles are what they choose to play on together for a couple of hours after school once in a while. It's not representative of how they spend their whole leisure time.

BackforGood · 29/12/2016 22:42

I've always limited screen time, but when dc have had a friend over, I tend to let them get on with it.
Just like my (15 yr old) dd . Today had her gang round for a film marathon. Normally she'd not watch back to back films, but that was what the arrangement was. I've no problem with that 2 or 3 times anyear.
When my 20 yr old comes home from university now, he always gets together with friends from school to play FIFA - its very social - half a dozen lads maintaining their friendship with pizza and a football game.
I'd let your ds get on with it, or let him have X hours a week - if he wants to use 3 of them when his friend is round, he has less over rest of week. His choice.

limitedperiodonly · 29/12/2016 22:43

For those children always allowed to play whenever they want?

Gruel for them. And the only daylight they shall see is the shaft of light from the top of the chimney.

SingingGoldfinch · 29/12/2016 22:47

This is exactly why we didn't buy ds (nearly 8) the Xbox he kept asking for for Christmas. He got a football goal for the garden instead - and lots of Lego. He's not mentioned the Xbox thing once!

SingingGoldfinch · 29/12/2016 22:50

I should Probably say that he does love playing minecraft on the iPad but we try to limit that. He would happily sit on it for hours though - hence our reluctance to introduce another device to the mix!

longdiling · 29/12/2016 22:54

To my mind, playdates aren't always the best time to enforce these kinds of rules - unless you live in a street where kids are in and out of houses all the time so every day is kind of a playdate. Here they're an occasional treat. They get biscuits after school instead of the usual fruit and pizza or chicken nuggets instead of the usual cooked from scratch healthy meal. That doesn't mean my kids are unable to eat healthily either!

It's kind of the same when I socialise if I'm honest. We drink wine, eat a ton of crisps and laugh and gossip. That doesn't mean I am incapable of enjoying myself in any other way.

Boudiccaiceni · 30/12/2016 08:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GinandTits · 30/12/2016 10:02

Ds is 7 and limited to. He has a tablet and a playstation 3. He can have an hour after homework/dinner/bath in the week and that is if he has been good, if he has spent the day back chatting and being rude it gets taken away. Weekend, up to 2 hours saturday and another on on sunday. I find he can get rude if he has too long on it! Say, days I have been poorly I've just let him stay on it and when I ask him to get off, he kicks right off at me! He has plenty of toys. I don't mind consoles but I'd rather him have a varied play experiene. Someone I go to university with lets her son on from home time at school till 11pm at night, she even brings his dinner up to him! He is only 10 and has major behaviour problems and I wonder if all the screen time is what causes it (by the way I am not talking about any learning disabilities etc, he has been tested, he is just naughty at school and been bullying other children) Some people do think consoles are the devil but in moderation they are fine.

Original poster
Lazymazy1 · 30/12/2016 16:24

Think I just need to set times and stick to it. Maybe ease up when friends come round and just let them enjoy it together.

That's nice though boud they come to yours to play. Everyone around here has some sort of gaming which is why I asked the orig Q.

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Original poster
Lazymazy1 · 30/12/2016 16:27

11 pm gin and brings dinner upShock ? Maybe just the lack of sleep causing the behavioural problems , not the actual playing

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EthelMerman · 30/12/2016 23:40

I have consoles because I really enjoy video games and so it has meant the kids have been exposed to them from a very young age. When they were really little it was much easier to limit time spent playing games.

Now they have mobile phones and keeping them off YouTube is the big issue. I've resorted to installing an app (Screentime Labs) to curtail the time they are on their phones. They hate it but it stops them (particularly younger DS) from spending hours looking at videos or downloading ever more games.

Have to keep an eye on the laptop or you find that has been spirited away for more YouTube viewing. Drives me mad - if they had other hobbies or interests I'd be much happier but they resist all my encouragement to try things. I'm not giving up though. I won't ban video games altogether because then they become forbidden fruit. Moderation is key as I keep telling them.

Original poster
Lazymazy1 · 31/12/2016 13:52

if they had other hobbies or interests I'd be much happier but they resist all my encouragement to try things

This. Sad

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Nanny0gg · 31/12/2016 14:09

I would let them play it. Perhaps he invited his friends round in order to play together on his games. Mortifying then for him to have mum then jump in with both feet and forbid it. Assuming that the games are age appropriate, then no problem.

And why buy them something they are limited on with friends? A lot of games are multiplayer. Would you prefer him doing that online? I wouldn't.

limitedperiodonly · 31/12/2016 17:23

It's kind of the same when I socialise if I'm honest. We drink wine, eat a ton of crisps and laugh and gossip. That doesn't mean I am incapable of enjoying myself in any other way.

That's a very good way of putting it longdiling

MsHooliesCardigan · 31/12/2016 18:07

We are the first generation raising children who have so much access to technology and it is a bit of a mine field. There has been a lot of research into video games and violence and the general consensus is that they doesn't cause an increase in violent behaviour and everything I've read recently has said that all crime, including violent crime, has actually been going down for quite a few years so I'm really not concerned about that.
I think consoles, iPads, phones etc are a bit like alcohol in that most young people have a natural 'off switch' and are able to self regulate their use but there are a small minority who can't. DS1 went through a stage where, given a completely free rein, he would literally have spent every available waking minute on some sort of gadget and we had to take quite a firm line- making him go a month without any gadgets and then slowly re-introducing them. He still spends far longer on them than I'm happy with but he's coming up to 17 and is doing brilliantly at school so I feel like there's a limit to how much I can intervene. There are now rehab programmes for young people addicted to gaming.
However, I don't see a problem with a group of children playing on an X box together. I think it's more of a worry when it's a solitary thing and becomes prioritised over everything else.But it does worry me that so many young people spend so much time on FB, Instagram, WhatsApp etc. They don't seem to have any privacy anymore. There was an article in The Times this week about the massive increase in mental health problems among children and young people in recent years. I'm not saying all of that is down to technology and social media but I'm sure it plays a part.
I have a 14 year old DD and it feels that every part of her life is played out under a microscope in a way that mine simply wasn't at that age. I know all the advances in technology aren't going to go away and I wouldn't want them to but I do have some concerns about how they are impacting on young people. I also agree that young people find it much harder to cope with boredom than previous generations.
Basically, I've had a few sherries and I'm waffling but, OP, I think YABU but YANBU to have some worries.

Original poster
Lazymazy1 · 01/01/2017 21:37

Think there are a lot of children who can't self regulate which is part of the issue. So when we as adults go for drinks and then have a tonne of crisps, chocolate or whatever you moderate it yourself. It's now and again, kids- we need to help them.

Actually , somebody commented yesterday, whilst we were all out that nearly every one on the room was on some sort of device (adults) .
I'm sitting here now and me a day hubby on phone 🙄 maybe it's not just adults but I think we have learnt how to socialise.
Kids need that education.

I'm rambling but what majority have said imo is right- moderation.

Ps- tablet bought for him as naively thought he would do funeducational Hmm apps. And console is hubby's.

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