honest opinion needed...mil

[ffsdoingmybest]

So, my mil (who pays no interest in my child) now wants to have him 1 day a week and take him to a group late afternoon.

Im really pleased she is finally showing an interest but i am concerned about the class...

• Its full of older children and i want him to go to classes with kids the same age for his development (the class is up to school age, my child has just turned 1)

• its a good 45 mins away and the class doesnt finish until 4....The reason this is an issue for me is because my lo eats tea at 5 and is in bed for 7. Its working well like that but if he is at an active class then straight into a car seat for the best part of an hour he will end up sleeping then not sleeping at night. I dont want his routine buggered up as its not mil that will have to deal with it!

• mil is not the best driver and is always on hands free. I really dont like the thought of her driving around chatting with my child in her car for the best part of 2 hours (1 each way) in a very busy part of town

My mil and i dont get on. My oh and i arent getting on at the mo so he is likely to think im raising objections for the sake of it...im not.

What do you guys think?

I was going to suggest to her to go for a trial session to gauge the age range ro see if its appropriate, and also see if there is any effect on his sleep (ie, napping in car and being a nightmare that night).

You're right to say no. Not the right activity or timing for what she's proposing.

Yes competitive grandparenting a possibility, or having been shamed by a friend who's a grandparent for NOT grandparenting till now?

I think you are doing the right thing. You are offering more suitable alternatives and not saying a complete no to her spending time with your child, but making her aware that if you feel something isn't right you will not let her (or OH) carry on regardless.

As for her only taking an interest now baby's 1, could it be a case of she isn't really interested in tiny babies? I love kids and love spending time with relatives children but I'd never go out of my way to do something with a baby. Don't get me wrong I would make them aware of an open offer to help out (when I can) but wouldn't be seeking out times to spend with just the baby... I'm trying to find an upside, but also agree could be likely she is trying to set a precedent (in case you and OH split) or is somehow using the little one (fitting in with friends for example).

I love my MIL and would have no issue with her taking DC if DH and I split. My own DM however... I wouldn't let her take a young child never mind a baby, so I fully understand that it's not easy (or right/safe) to send DC of with some people.

Agree with the others. Very weird and I'd be paranoid that there is an agenda behind this that you're not aware of. Could she be seeing you as an inadequate parent that needs 'help'? Driving would be a major concern for me, but I wouldn't bring it up, as there is no way of doing it without causing offense.

I'd say something along the lines that 'I know how much you want to help and I'm very grateful for that, but the child is still very young and at this time of the day and so far away from home, this activity will cause more trouble than it's worth' then say that on this day your child is already doing an activity and she can come and join you two at that other, close to home, playgroup which will work really well for her grandchild, and for you, and that you will appreciate some company and an opportunity for all three of you to spend some time together.

Her help is actually supposed to be helpful, ffs!

best I would say no, because:
-Your MIL is not a safe driver

End of.....

But if you need more:

-It is too late in the day
-He has a class/group he likes earlier that same day
-His bedtime (and maybe tea) will be disputed

Plus

• You don't need child care so it is doing you no favours

Also

I am suspicious. Why this class? How helpful is it to your son?

My guess is either your MIL has a friend whose grandchildren goes to this club or she heard it is the 'most brilliant' and wants to go to that one.

Another no here...
What is the class that is so specialised...

I am a childminder and so long as they can have space and sing wind the bobbin up the are happy at any group.

I have never felt the need to travel any huge distance for any group. The only thing I travelled for my DS at that age was water babies and that would not of happened if it finished at 4pm

Just caught up and see you have said no.

If your MIL wants an on-going good relationship with her grandson, a good relationship with you would be an excellent start!

i'm glad you're a fighter OP [FGRIN]

However.....courts take a different view when a grandparent applies for access. They base it on the current level of contact they have.
I've seen it happen with two people i know - and one of the gp only had 6 hours of unsupervised access with the dc a week. The courts awarded them a whole day, apparently due to 'acrimonious relations' it was a more 'suitable' arrangement

Thanks all x x

Italiangrey...i agree. She doesnt think it matters that she is a bitch to me though. Foolish, foolish woman! 😉

Thisthing...Thank you. It is useful to be aware of that. Im hoping it would not get that far but if it ever did....well, theyd have to find us first to enforce it! 😂

ffsdoingmybest so what did you decide, is MIL taking your baby for a 1.5 hour round trip??? Or not?

Happy New Year too.