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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leftovers etiquette - a minor festive AIBU

53 replies

NoSherryForMe · 27/12/2016 11:22

We hosted Christmas this year for the family - me, DP and DD, my DParents, DB and DSIL, DUncle and DCousin and a family friend, so 10 of us in total.
We provided the bulk of the food, my DPs and uncle brought some booze and my DPs brought the pudding. DPs also brought some extra furniture and bits that we borrowed for the day.
I worked like a dawg in the kitchen - barely sat down until dessert - and everyone seemed very happy with their food. It was a lovely day and everyone stayed until late.
The next day, my DDad and DUncle came back to collect furniture and other bits. They swept into the kitchen and started fossicking in the fridge for any open bottles of wine to take back (there weren't any), and pounced on the open bottles of sherry and port, which were duly repatriated.
AIBU to think that this is a bit off? If I take booze to someone else's house I wouldn't expect it back, especially if my host had spent the day slaving and barely tasted a drop! Or is this normal behaviour?

OP posts:
Candlestickchick · 27/12/2016 11:30

It's not normal, it's damn rude.

Original poster
NoSherryForMe · 27/12/2016 11:34

Uncle also started looking through the unopened wine until he found one that was "his" and took it!

OP posts:
TheProblemOfSusan · 27/12/2016 11:34

Yeah, that's really rude. Booze generally is a gift for the hosts and you don't go taking back gifts like that.

VladmirsPoutine · 27/12/2016 11:34

Why can't you just write 'Mum, Dad, Cousin, Uncle' or whatever?

Taking back opened bottles is rude behaviour. There was a poster who once debated over taking back her unopened bottle of Vodka. I sided with her as she'd been given Ribena instead by the hosts.

LC01 · 27/12/2016 11:35

It's rude. If you decide to hand out food or drinks that you won't use/don't like that's up to you not them. I usually send people home with food parcels of things I'd rather not have in the house after Christmas or items that need to be eaten, but it's very rude for people to help themselves.

PoorAndRich · 27/12/2016 11:35

I'd consider it rude if you or your partner would drink them. I don't drink port so it wouldn't bother me them taking it.

However, if they started to take an open bottle of baileys I'd be telling them to leave it there as I had plans for that later.

Original poster
NoSherryForMe · 27/12/2016 11:37

Why can't you just write 'Mum, Dad, Cousin, Uncle' or whatever?

I'd love to but didn't think it was the done thing here!

Everyone was sent home with foody leftovers, by the way.

OP posts:
OohhThatsMe · 27/12/2016 11:38

Why can't you just write 'Mum, Dad, Cousin, Uncle' or whatever?

I always think this! There was someone on here talking about DDog, ffs. It's a bloody dog!

Original poster
NoSherryForMe · 27/12/2016 11:40

When my dad homed in on the sherry, I said in sorrowful tones "Oh, are you taking that? I was looking forward to a tipple later". His reply: "Yeah, sorry"!
And when I spoke to my mum about something else this morning, she asked whether my dad had managed to find the sherry when he came round!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 27/12/2016 11:41

That's really rude behaviour and no you don't do that. However they did and it's probably not worth a family argument over.

PeachBellini123 · 27/12/2016 11:41

I think that's really rude and bizarre! I told my DB (sorry) he could take a bottle back we'd been given but that only due to the fact we have so much booze in the house - I'm pregnant and DH doesn't drink much.

He would never have just taken it.

MaisieDotes · 27/12/2016 11:41

Why can't you just write 'Mum, Dad, Cousin, Uncle' or whatever?

Grin
VladmirsPoutine · 27/12/2016 11:42

I once saw DFish Grin.

PoorAndRich · 27/12/2016 11:43

Well if you host again now you know you'll have to hide the good stuff to enjoy when people leave.
It's a token gift for hosting-whether you all enjoy it on the day or if it's opened six months down the line.
You worked your socks off. Rude.

Original poster
NoSherryForMe · 27/12/2016 11:44

Oh, I'm not going to make a fuss. My parents are very kind and generous hosts themselves, which is why I'm a bit baffled by this and needed your confirmation that this is odd.

OP posts:
MaisieDotes · 27/12/2016 11:45

It is definitely is odd and pretty rude too.

Mrsglitterfairy · 27/12/2016 11:45

YANBU they are being rude! We are at FIL'a since yesterday and brought lots of booze and food, fair bit hasn't been consumed. We will leave most here but he has told us to take certain things back with us as he won't eat/drink them. Would never just take though, when you take things to someone's house, you expect them to be consumed.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 27/12/2016 11:45

I have been known to give back unopened bottles back to guests, but it was simply because a lot more people had come and brought drinks than I was expecting. Way too much for me to get through so it seemed silly to waste it. I kept the opened stuff, nobody asked to take it.
If I took a bottle of drink to someone elses house I wouldn't assume I could take it back afterwards. It's a gift to the hosts.

Original poster
NoSherryForMe · 27/12/2016 11:51

Just to up the weirdness ante, after Christmas dinner I stumbled on my mum, who'd lent us some cutlery, removing it from the dishwasher and stuffing it, covered in food, into a bag. A proper bag, not a plastic carrier.
I could see she was twitchy about her cutlery getting lost (unlikely, as it's a different colour from ours), so I offered to give it a quick wash so she could bag it up without getting her bag dirty but she refused: "It's my bag and my cutlery so I'll do what I want"!

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 27/12/2016 11:53

That is gobsmackingly rude! It's a bit different if someone says "Please will you take x back, we won't manage to eat/drink it and it seems such a shame to waste it". Otherwise, what you take stays there.... Case of family overstepping the normal boundaries, I think....

Stillwishihadabs · 27/12/2016 11:54

Rude and odd ! Especially the open stuff. If it's too much for you to finish or you wouldn't eat or drink it then offer otherwise no, it's a gift for the house !!

DamsonGinIsMyThing · 27/12/2016 11:54

Fuck me that's rude! My cousin did Christmas dinner this year, I'm not drinking so we took my drinks, enough wine for DP and then 2 bottles of wine for cousin as 'payment' for cooking for us rabble! Wouldn't dream of taking it back!

BertrandRussell · 27/12/2016 11:55

My bil and sil stayed with us for a eeek once. They cooked dinner one night, bought all the ingerdients and took them all home, including a half tin of tomato purée, half an onion wrapped in cling film and some cheese.

Maryann1975 · 27/12/2016 11:56

In my main circle of friends, it isn't considered rude to take back the alcoholic drinks we brought with us, but would be considered rude to take any food home with us that hadn't been consumed (we all seem to drink different things, so to leave it would mean it going down the sink).
With anyone else though, it would be considered a gift and highly rude to take it with us, even worse to collect it the next day.

When you said you were looking forward to a drink of sherry later, his correct response should have been 'oh goodness, sorry, I didn't realise you liked sherry, here keep the bottle, thank you so much for yesterday, we had a lovely day.'

KeptOnRaining · 27/12/2016 12:08

Exactly maryann

It's rude. Your Mum was weird & rude yesterday too - is she normally like that?

I took a ton of stuff with me to my friends who were hosting Christmas dinner. Non perishables mostly, so that if they weren't neeed on Christmas Day they could use them whenever. It far exceeded the food & drink I ate on Christmas Day - but that's the point isn't it? A little appreciation for all the hard work they out into it.

It's different if it's a byob party, or if you know your hosts don't drink what you've taken for yourself - though I tend to leave it anyway, either for next time or so they have some in for other visitors.