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AIBU?

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Original poster

He's just ruined a third sweater

78 replies

Timeforausernamechange · 26/12/2016 21:34

I don't have many clothes. I tend to have a few things that I like and wear them a lot until they completely wear out. I hate shopping and don't have a massive budget for stuff. I like reasonable quality though, especially in jumpers- decent wool etc. So jumpers tend to be gifts or lucky finds in the Monsoon sale...

Anyway DH has form for 'accidentally' washing/ tumble drying my hand wash only stuff. Twice he has taken my favourite jumper and ruined it. One was a gorgeous silk chunky hand knit ( hugely expensive) which was a present from a generous relative. The next was the replacement for that sweater which I'd worn twice (and a gift from his DM!)

Now he has done it again. My latest jumper has got 'mixed up' with the kids stuff and tumble dried. The lovely flattering shape now finishes just above my waist and the sleeves are skin tight. We are are going away tomorrow and I have nothing to replace it with except a collection of crappy old fleeces ( which will I suppose keep me warm).

Any suggestions on how I can stop this happening? I am not going to ban DH from laundry duty and I am not going to wear only indestructible woolies. I generally try to keep my things separate but he can be over zealous rounding up things to make up a load...

Failing that any suggestions on how to ram it home to him how much this pisses me off and how expensive his lack of care is becoming.

OP posts:
Original poster
Timeforausernamechange · 26/12/2016 22:54

Thank you for the tips on resurrecting shrunken sweaters. I'll have a go tomorrow.

Like a lot of posters I don't want to ban him from washing- or let him think that if he makes a bad enough job he'll somehow get out of it. To be fair to him he is usually a fairly competent user of the washing machine. But he has form for being careless with other people's things (takes very good care of his own stuff) and this is what really pisses me off.

After the last incident we agreed he wouldn't touch my woolies, but this time my jumper got 'gathered up' by mistake. The last 2 victims were not even with the laundry but simply lying around (e.g. laid on the back of a chair when I got too hot - ready to put back on again later...)

He could buy me a new jumper but this is just money that will come out of the shared pot and would mean less cash for other things. He is very contrite this time so maybe he has learned to take more care?

OP posts:
GreatFuckability · 26/12/2016 22:58

Be thankful that your husband is helping around the house. I'm sure he doesn't mean to ruin your sweaters, & probably feels bad for doing so. You either need to teach him about different fabrics & how to wash them, or do your own washing

good to know that the poor little men who can't learn shit for themselves have supporters willing to baby them even in 2016.

Jesus Wept.

NotMeNoNo · 26/12/2016 23:02

Different wash basket. I have a little Lloyd Loom one. I feel awful because DH is a diamond for doing all the laundry, but it saves your delicates.

He does know now not to wash any jumpers without asking me, since my cashmere one went through the boil wash and came out as a felt craft project. You could always make up a chart and put it above the machine - he sounds like someone who likes a system.

SoupDragon · 26/12/2016 23:10

I have never read a washing label after I look when I bought the item. Who the hell has time for that bollocks every wash?

Separate "hand wash" basket and tell him those items don't go in the machine and that items only get washed if they're in a laundry basket.

Topseyt · 26/12/2016 23:14

I snapped at my DH today when I had asked him to put some still damp items into the tumble dryer and then a couple of minutes later saw him in the utility room putting it back into the washing machine. Confused

He claimed not to know it was wrong and got "the look" from me. It has been a long time since he actually did something daft like that, but he did today.

WhooooAmI24601 · 26/12/2016 23:15

DH once did this with a favourite soft grey jumper of mine, completely unintentionally but I was gutted as it was an absolute favourite. He didn't replace it as it had sold out and I always wondered how my life would have turned out had he not destroyed it. Sympathy, OP, could you hold a little funeral for the jumper and give him a proper send-off?

KnittedBlanketHoles · 26/12/2016 23:25

Are that he ruins it, he replaces it.

donquixotedelamancha · 27/12/2016 10:28

Before men get married, they undergo training for this sort of thing from other men: if you don't want to do something- be rubbish at it until she gives up and does it for you.

It sounds like you already suspect he's doing it on purpose from the quotation marks. You're right.

donquixotedelamancha · 27/12/2016 10:32

"Be thankful that your husband is helping around the house."

Ah ha ha ha-ha. Yes, be grateful for what he does do, or do it for him; there must not be any other options.

Seriously, it wasn't men who killed feminism.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 27/12/2016 10:32

DH once put all the whites and darks in together. The darks included a new pair of his jeans. So many of my clothes were ruined. This is what happens when their mums and ex girlfriends did everything for them.

MyKingdomForBrie · 27/12/2016 10:35

He is careful with his own things but not yours. How utterly bloody selfish. He should sell some of his own carefully tended things to fund replacement of yours, you should not be the one missing out here.

CockacidalManiac · 27/12/2016 10:38

Be thankful that your husband is helping around the house. I'm sure he doesn't mean to ruin your sweaters, & probably feels bad for doing so. You either need to teach him about different fabrics & how to wash them, or do your own washing. "If you want a job done right, do it yourself"

What the actual fuck?

RaspberryOverloadsOnMincePies · 27/12/2016 10:44

But he has form for being careless with other people's things (takes very good care of his own stuff)

This needs to be addressed. In his mind, his stuff is more important than yours and he needs to change that mindset or this "accident" will happen again.

Gingernaut · 27/12/2016 10:48

Have two laundry baskets, nowhere near each other.

One for 'ordinary' stuff that can be machine washed and a lidded one which has

HAND WASH ONLY

painted on every side and on the lid.

Put it out of the way of the washing machine 'route' and make sure everything which is to be handwashed is in there before hubby offers to wash stuff.

Allthewaves · 27/12/2016 10:49

I have basket in my room for delicates as we tend to tumble everything. We all know everything in basket can't be tumbled. I'm just as guilt for mixing stuff up so this is easier

Gingernaut · 27/12/2016 10:56

LittleMermaidRose
Be thankful that your husband is helping around the house. I'm sure he doesn't mean to ruin your sweaters, & probably feels bad for doing so. You either need to teach him about different fabrics & how to wash them, or do your own washing. "If you want a job done right, do it yourself"

WTAF!?? Hmm

Destroying other people's property is a passive aggressive way of telling people that his stuff (and therefore he) is more important than theirs and them.

How dare they have such high maintenance stuff?

How dare they think he should have to do stuff ordinary mortals do?

Fuck. That. Shit.

If the OP accidentally destroyed, tidied up or threw out some of his shit, he'd lose his and find a way of getting back at her.

Some serious talking needs to be done in the OP's household.

I don't envy you OP.

Good luck.

Giselaw · 27/12/2016 10:58

"this is just money that will come out of the shared pot and would mean less cash for other thing"

Why isn't it coming out of his personal spending / savings? I think you should gift him your new sweater for his birthday / anniversary / whatever next celebration is coming up in lieu of a gift for him.

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/12/2016 10:58

^" he has form for being careless with other people's things (takes very good care of his own stuff) and this is what really pisses me off."
^^ This is important. Very important. Had the jumper been his, it wouldn't have been ruined. He would have taken good care of it. This means that he is perfectly capable of not ruining your stuff, but he makes the ACTIVE DECISION to be careless.

Consequences is the answer to your problem. There must be consequences to choosing to not take care of other people's things. To not take care of YOUR things. You say him replacing your jumper would just take funds from the shared pot - are you saying that you and he have NO personal money at all? If he has any personal money, it MUST be used to buy you a replacement. If not, then I would suggest he sells something of his to fund the replacement.

The more the replacement of your jumper affects him, the less likely he will be to repeat the error. Three times he's done this - that's twice too often.

Giselaw · 27/12/2016 11:00

Oh and I think this is seriously passive aggressive shite, not just a mistake that happened 3x. Funny how he doesn't shrink and ruin his own stuff, eh?!

Wonder why that is. Hmm

OliviaBenson · 27/12/2016 11:00

Actually I would be raging if he manages to take good care of his things but not yours. It's more than accidental.

He needs to replace it OP and he should go without something to facilitate that. Being contrite isn't enough.m

RB68 · 27/12/2016 11:09

yes the cost comes out of the central pot but if he has to make the effort to go shopping and replace then he might check.

Frankly I hope mothers of boys are listening - you are responsible for he next generation...

To me its just bloody laziness and assuming everything is easy just shove it in - lack of care and attention. I would go apeshit but mine will check - more cos he likes nice jumpers tho than me - lol

scaryteacher · 28/12/2016 13:51

Showme Whilst I do all the washing at home, ds was sent off to sixth form and university with a guide on what washing labels meant, how to read them properly, and strict instructions on not mixing whites and darks. He is now in his third year at university and no disasters so far. He also cooks very well, so I have trained him. I am still tackling the resistance to the washing up....but we will get there.

christmasjolity · 28/12/2016 14:41

We have both made washing errors over the years. We have a dry clean/handwash laundry basket. Everyone is responsible for putting their dirty clothes in the right basket. Nothing gets washed unless it is in the basket.

Simple.

BertrandRussell · 28/12/2016 14:46

Can he hold down a job, dirive a car and understand the offside rule? (Or offside rule equivalent?)

Then he can use a washing machine. He is being a dick.

Softpebbles · 28/12/2016 14:53

Haven't had time to read the whole thread but special wash items go in my wash bin in a carrier bag so it's highlighted to wash separately.

Learnt this after my lovely ted baker jumper resembled that of a two year olds.