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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He's just ruined a third sweater

78 replies

Timeforausernamechange · 26/12/2016 21:34

I don't have many clothes. I tend to have a few things that I like and wear them a lot until they completely wear out. I hate shopping and don't have a massive budget for stuff. I like reasonable quality though, especially in jumpers- decent wool etc. So jumpers tend to be gifts or lucky finds in the Monsoon sale...

Anyway DH has form for 'accidentally' washing/ tumble drying my hand wash only stuff. Twice he has taken my favourite jumper and ruined it. One was a gorgeous silk chunky hand knit ( hugely expensive) which was a present from a generous relative. The next was the replacement for that sweater which I'd worn twice (and a gift from his DM!)

Now he has done it again. My latest jumper has got 'mixed up' with the kids stuff and tumble dried. The lovely flattering shape now finishes just above my waist and the sleeves are skin tight. We are are going away tomorrow and I have nothing to replace it with except a collection of crappy old fleeces ( which will I suppose keep me warm).

Any suggestions on how I can stop this happening? I am not going to ban DH from laundry duty and I am not going to wear only indestructible woolies. I generally try to keep my things separate but he can be over zealous rounding up things to make up a load...

Failing that any suggestions on how to ram it home to him how much this pisses me off and how expensive his lack of care is becoming.

OP posts:
FurryLittleTwerp · 26/12/2016 22:12

What a shame Sad

I had a lovely pair of hand-knitted cashmere socks that I'd made myself & wore to potter around before bed. Strictly hand wash only.

My mum (an accomplished knitter) knew about the socks & despite being told not to bother about the laundry when she was minding DS for me, "helpfully" slung them in with a mixed load & shrank them to doll-size Xmas Sad Angry

I told her & she said - "Oh dear - you can always knit some more". Yes, true, but funny how I haven't managed to do that in the 15 years since. They took bloody ages & I hate knitting on four pins.

Nanna50 · 26/12/2016 22:14

My DH is not allowed to do any of my washing too many accidents and he has never learned in over 26 years Hmm

LittleMermaidRose · 26/12/2016 22:14

Be thankful that your husband is helping around the house. I'm sure he doesn't mean to ruin your sweaters, & probably feels bad for doing so. You either need to teach him about different fabrics & how to wash them, or do your own washing. "If you want a job done right, do it yourself"

PickledCauliflower · 26/12/2016 22:16

I've had this with my husband time and time again. I now don't let him anywhere near washing baskets. The only stuff he can be trusted with is bedding and towels.
Even if I put handwash items in a separate baskets he would still wash dark denims with whites.

PickledCauliflower · 26/12/2016 22:17

Makes me wonder if the twats do it on purpose. Another case of do a job badly so you don't have to do it!

SuperFlyHigh · 26/12/2016 22:18

My DB used to do this to his wife (my SIL), he was only trying to help but I don't see what's helping by not reading a washing label, putting on delicate cycle if you're really not sure or just leaving it alone!

He had a long list of disappointed/angry looks from SIL (some of her favourite items were from there) and last year I felt so sorry for her and him that I bought her a new dress in a sale and a gorgeous Zara top and told him on pain of death not to touch her clothes again! As far as I know he's left well alone.

DailyFail1 · 26/12/2016 22:19

My dh does this. So I now insist on a seperate delicate wash. Seperate laundary baskets. Dh liked the idea and also keeps a sep basket for his white dress shirts.

TheCakes · 26/12/2016 22:19

Whaaaat? What's all this do it yourself nonsense? Are men not capable of sorting washing? I thought the MN wisdom was that they should do their equal share.
Best I can advise is to get him to buy a replacement, and go a bit mad that he hasn't read the washing instructions, and teach him to check all woolies and delicates. My DH has form for putting white undies in with the darks. It's taken a few years, but he doesn't do it any more.

PickledCauliflower · 26/12/2016 22:20

I don't think we should be thankful about them "helping around the house". They live there and it's their house too.
It's not helping when I bloody do it! It's not even noticed most of the time - the housework fairy must appear and clean up everyone's crap and clutter.

SuperFlyHigh · 26/12/2016 22:20

LittleMermaid can't be that hard, read a label, decipher it (usually has words next to it) if you do not understand put down and leave alone!

I wonder where these men (including my brother) would be happy if their wives ruined their own favourite shirts/tshirt etc by not washing it right?!

SuperFlyHigh · 26/12/2016 22:22

Oh and OP that gorgeous sweater, your DH replaces it! Hit him where it hurts (wallet).

SuperFlyHigh · 26/12/2016 22:24

Pickled totally agree re housework fairy, it's like someone magically puts on a washing machine or dishwasher and hangs clothes up, takes them down, loads dishwasher etc.

Men seem to think this gets done by magic. I wish!

DailyMaui · 26/12/2016 22:24

Fuck that about doing it yourself! If this is like my household we both work full time, no cleaner, dog, two kids. We share the household work - and laundry is my DH's responsibility. He has fucked up on very few occasions.

Be thankful? Id leave my husband if he didn't pull his weight around the house. I'm not remotely "thankful." We both have to do it, we both get on with it. If not, we get a cleaner. Just because I have a fanny, I'm not somehow better at cleaning and washing.

OP - he needs to replace your clothes. He's not paying attention. If he can hold down a job he can competently do the laundry. It's not difficult.

CheddarGorgeous · 26/12/2016 22:25

Separate basket for delicate. No brainer.

Sorry about your jumper.

Giselaw · 26/12/2016 22:26

I've accidentally tumble dried wool before and I found a way to restore them - pour about 1/3 of a bottle of conditioner on them in a tub full of cold water. Gently start stretching the fabric out. The conditioner relaxes the wool and allows you to stretch / reshape it. Dry flat, and keep gently tugging and reshaping it as it dries.

Naicehamshop · 26/12/2016 22:26

Tell him to stop being so bloody useless. He is perfectly capable of reading a washing label. Angry

PickledCauliflower · 26/12/2016 22:27

I do think him replacing the ruined items is fair. Not just coughing up the cash, but trudging through the shops or searching online to find what he ruined.
So annoying and such a bloody waste of money.

1horatio · 26/12/2016 22:28

Make him buy you a new one?

If something happens 3 times it's a pattern, isn't it? A pattern of carelessness in this case, I'd assume.

madamginger · 26/12/2016 22:29

My DH is only allowed to wash sheets, bedding and his own clothes after many similar 'accidents'. He ruined a £50 bra once Angry
Try woolovers for a replacement, they have some lovely stuff.

Fluffycloudland77 · 26/12/2016 22:30

He needs to buy you exact replacements. Carelessness needs to have an associated cost.

BikeRunSki · 26/12/2016 22:39

Stuff I don't want DH to touch (largely nice jumpers) goes nowhere near the laundry basket. It's no good asking him to replace something that cN no longer be replaced. I am very particular about fabric, colour and length (I have a very long back).

HecAteAllTheXmasPud · 26/12/2016 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nanna50 · 26/12/2016 22:46

Oh I'm not for all this equal sharing of all chores. We both share the jobs, you are just as likely to find my DH cleaning the loo as you are me, but the jobs I hate like the bins, changing the bed, and steam cleaning I will trade off for jobs he doesn't enjoy. I'm a much better cook than he is but he's much better at house and garden maintenance than I am. Swings and roundabouts, there's plenty else for him to be doing while I do my own washing.

Bluntness100 · 26/12/2016 22:49

Ehrm. Isn't it fairly obvious? Stop putting things that need to be washed differently in with the main wash items, keep them seperate.

My husband and I do our own laundry, so this doesn't happen, but if you want to have one laundry basket then just don't be shoving delicates in there.