To have my mother delving in my wardrobe?

[Mindtrope]

Coming into my room and fishing OHs shirts out to iron. Would you find this intrusive?

crumbs- you are assuming my mother is younger than she is.

She has never driven, wouldn't be able to help in a charity shop, She doesn't knit or sew and doesn't like cooking.

She attends several clubs throughout the week- I provide transport.

WTF is it with old people and small shite ornaments on window sills?!!

There is a row of alms houses near me so all elderly tenants. Every single flipping window sill, neatly lined up tiny shite

ellisandra- I'm glad you seem my point. Pride of place in the middle on my living room window is a 5 inch high plastic sunflower with a solar panel. It nods its head and waves is arms constantly.

I am clearly unusual but while the comments would bother me (understatement) I don't feel that territorial about my bedroom and wardrobe. Dm and mil regularly look after the DC in my house. Sometimes they do a few jobs during naptime or whatever. Sometimes this involves leaving piles of clean and folded laundry on my bed. It's never really occurred to me to mind.

rockpebble, I do appreciate the suggestions and I'm not trying to be awkward . She has zero interest in gardening.

Thank god for daytime TV.

Mind - why can't you give her a load of ironing to do each week, you may not iron but at least it will give her something constructive to do and save her poking around in your room looking for it.

As Crumbs says, it must be very, very difficult to live in someone else's house as an 'older' person when you have been responsible for many years running your own home, suddenly you must feel (rightly or wrongly) that you don't have any role in your life anymore . Are you sure she couldn't help in a charity shop - I volunteer and we have people in their 90s helping us.

My parents are in their late 80s and although currently living independently one of the thrings we talk openly and frankly about is their feeling that they don't 'contribute' to life much any longer - they have always been busy, professional people, always volunteering for everything, local councillors etc etc ........... suddenly life is just passing them by, they know that no one is really very interested in them or their opinions anymore (besides a rather passive aggressive 'aren't they marvellous for their age' sort of comment) it's very sad .

@basicbrown did you bother to read past my first sentence? I also asked why doesn't he iron his own shirts? My DH would be mortified if he had crumpled shirts, that's why we outsource it because neither of us want to do it.

I'd happily let let iron if your husband is OK with it.

But no to the fetching them from your room.

Am I missing the point? Why doesn't your husband iron his own shirts? You didn't send him to work in an unironned shirt, he chose to wear a shirt and did not iron it himself.

Why just iron his things? Surely to be "helpful" all ironing would be done?

If she wants to iron, let her iron, but insist she mustn't go into the wardrobe, either to retrieve or put away.

Really she oughtn't to be going into your bedroom at all - she could hang ironed shirts on the outside of the wardrobe I suppose, but outside the room is better.

Does your DP like his shirts ironed?

Is there a job she could do for you to help out? Like dusting the collections of tat

I wouldn't want DH to go to work in crumpled shirts

AgainPlease yes, I read to the third sentence

I also asked why doesn't he iron his own shirts?

Because he doesn't care if his shirts are ironed or not.

And I don't care if he wants to wear crumpled shirts, a onsie or a mickey mouse t shirt inside out.

That's his choice.
He has a good job, earns a lot, and works in an environment where his skills are valued more than his appearance.

My mother would do this if I let her. She once offered to help me decorate my bedroom, I went downstairs to make a cuppa and when I came back she had mine and DH underwear drawers ripped out on the bed and was having a sort out !!!

*tipped

teirny I preferred "ripped" I had visions of your mother rabidly tearing smalls out of the drawers and growling as she sorted them into piles.

Give her as many jobs as she wants but with clear boundaries as to how and when.

Plastic crap on window sills. This us why I couldn't have any elderly or young relative stay on a permanent basis. You are a saint.

My mum irons & puts everything away & she will also rearrange stuff if she thinks there is a better way to do it. She even brought stuff to add a shelf to my wardrobe for more story. Initially it bugged me, I asked her to stop & we had a bit of a fall out. After a few weeks I realised what a huge help she was & she was usually right/better at organising . She is back to ironing & clears my ironing bucket most weeks & im very grateful. She has also arranged my kitchen cupboards & somehow made them seem twice the size.

Does your OH like her ironing his shirts? Is he ok with her going into his wardrobe for his shirts?

grrr we have guests coming just spent 20 minutes putting folding and sorting my mother's clean laundry which has been sitting on the stair landing for 3 days. Now left outside her bedroom door. She insists on putting " covers" , large fleece throws on the sofas and chairs ( the sort of person that would keep a new sofa wrapped in plastic for years.)

I have a lot of sofas- 4 and one big armchair. I tolerate her "everyday covers" and say nothing. She has a set of intermediate covers for slightly special guests, but now ( as a result christmas now have a brand new set of fleece covers from the B&M store, which are now the "best " covers* - those were my gift from her.

It's been two years since I saw my sofas which I remember I did like.

lesley- no he doesn't like it at all.

OH is a very private person and he feels it intrusive.

Could she not amuse herself by dressing your dining table? Cloth and napkins to iron. Cutlery to polish. Table centre piece to arrange. Can she do flower arrangements? The festive period is a great time for adding bits of greenery in everywhere.

Why do you let her hide the sofas etc. It's your home. She will only do what you let her get away with doing. Stand up for yourself woman. Or get DH to do it for you if you can't/won't.

dowhatnow- I guess it's because I am trying to be a little sensitive.

As others have said it must be hard for her to adjust to living with us after years of running her own home.

I guess the covers are no biggie in the grand scheme of things. She feels it's worthwhile and it keeps her occupied, she is doing that now, arranging the cushions- again not the way I would place them, but it is her her home too, and it's no great biggie.
It's about defining these roles and boundaries for me.

No words of wisdom here, just a shoulder punch of solidarity.

My DD and I are living with my parents atm and it's haaaaaard!

Why can't you just give her a pile of ironing to do? It won't help you but it will make her feel useful and your husband may look a bit smarter (!).

Any other jobs she could do? (the dishwasher thing would drive me nuts though)

Is there no room that could be her sitting room so you all have your own space? Then she could accessorise as she wanted. I wouldn't want my home 'redecorated' by someone else. That's why I don't want my adult children living with me!