To have my mother delving in my wardrobe?

[Mindtrope]

Coming into my room and fishing OHs shirts out to iron. Would you find this intrusive?

My Mum will clean the house when she's over here but that's because she can't sit still. My aunt once ironed my knickers because I was going away for 3 months. God, I'm glad about the 3 or something thousand miles that separate us. She's a martyr and will do it because 'Ive always been the most important thing in her life and she'd give her life for me '. Those words always make me vomit a bit in my mouth.

clandestine- it's about being suffocated isn't it.

My MIL used to nosy in SIL' s drawers so she left a big note saying"f### off mother!" . It was never mentioned!

How does she have this free range time to iron at yours?!
My MIL (and previous one) were never in my house long enough (cheer!)

I think I could cope with her ironing shirts from the drying rack (although I totally get that it's intrusive so I'm not saying you should) - but I absolutely would not cope with her saying I sent my husband to work without... I'd call her on that Every Single Fucking Time, as would my H or he'd be my XH!

ellis - she lives with us.

Yanbu at all re the intrusion. It also is blatantly not helpful but judgment. Ignore the 'tearful breakdown'.

I also think there's an element of treating you like a child, not accepting that it is your house.

She lives with you?
Oh my.
Hope she's also helpful putting out your recycling because there must be a fuckton of empty gin bottles

Rules. I would fight the wardrobe: you do not ever go in our bedroom. Leave specially bought sex implements around to reinforce.

Ironing shirts from the dryer - OK if your husband wants her to iron them. But she is not allowed to make a single comment. It needs to be him that tells her that, too.

I completely support you on DM not going into your room, if she is,liv9ng with youyou need very clear boundaries. I would let the washing up by hand go. It doesn't take anything from you and gives her something to do.

As for DHs shirts, ignore it. The way you and DH have organised your lives, his shirts are nothing to do with you, so don't let her make it your business. If she says anything, look puzzled and say ' they're HIS shirts DM, why are you asking/telling me about them?'

I really admire you sharing your home with your DM. I shared a hotel room with my mum for a week last year and was a passive-aggressive wreck by the end of it. She brings out the worst in me and seems oblivious to it.

How long has she been living with you? It sounds like she is finding it difficult to find her role within the household. She feels like she should contribute but does not really know the best way as to how. Your household runs differently to what she is used to. Are there some things that she could genuinely help with and feel useful and valuable?

Mindtrope that's exactly what it is.

Mindtrope, she sounds like Jill Archer.

(This will mean nothing to anyone who doesn't listen to The Archers. To those who do, come and join the MN Archers thread here. )

She also sounds like my mother, who once told me the sight of me putting dry, clean but unironed pants away in a drawer made her feel physically sick. Sigh.

Yanbu, but with my Dd she loves it if I'll go in her bedroom and sort out her mess clothes. But I certainly wouldn't if I wasn't invited. She's not lazy but for her there's never enough hours in the day by the time she's got in from work.

I'd hate that, it's intrusive.

Washing up costs a fortune compared to using a dw.

OP why don't you iron his shirts? Or why doesn't he iron his own shirts? I wouldn't want DH to go to work in crumpled shirts I don't iron either, but I get them pressed at the dry-cleaners once a week.

AgainPlease why are DH's workshirts in any way the OP's responsibility?

I guess it must be hard for my mother to have such a role change. Sh has lived with us for two years. Prior to that she had her own home, and organised her family for decades. But then I'm no spring chicken either, so have my own ways of doing things.

I do try to let some things slide over. ATM she has a collection of "toys" for want of a better word. These solar powered moving plastic things with faces on, pThselastic cats, animals she has bought from Poundshop etc, and has lined them up on the window ledge in our lounge as a display.
These are compromises I expect we have to make. I don't play music when she is withing earshot as she doesn't like my stuff. Luckily the house is quite large so we can generally find our own space.

Exactly Euphemia.

fair enough to offer to iron, bit difficult situation when you are sharing a house, lines will be crossed.
give her ALL the ironing,
if she insists on ironing have an ironing basket/pile, filled with all of your stuff

I can see it's slightly irritating but I think you are being a bit harsh. She is trying to help -not entirely altruistically but help nevertheless. She's a mother and has always had a role and responsibility as that. Now she is probably feeling a bit redundant when she just wants to be needed and her role validated. No, she shouldn't poke around in your wardrobe but neither should she feel like a guest if she lives with you. Assuming she remains competent at household jobs, use her talents with reasonable gratitude. People pay a fortune for cleaners and ironing.
Give her regular and one off jobs to do. Explain you feel uncomfortable with her going into your bedroom (although, in truth, I can't see what might be in your wardrobe that is so secret). Put laundry in a basket for her to iron. Let her polish the silver. Get her to drop off the dry cleaning. Ironed bedding would be heaven but who has time for that? Yep, your mother. Does she sew or knit? Get her to knit specifics. Just think of the lovely stuff you could have.
She is probably also bored and lonely but may not have the confidence at her age to start something new. Could you support her in that? Voluntary work might be good as she is then helping someone. Charity shops always need people to iron. Help the aged lunch club? Red Cross manicure service or home from hospital helper?.

(although, in truth, I can't see what might be in your wardrobe that is so secret)

So you suggest it's fair game?

I do no ironing.

Why not let her feel useful and put the shirts in a basket for ironing? Perhaps she's bored and wants to keep busy. I'd be more annoyed about the plastic menagerie tbh. That could escalate.

Would she garden? Have a little herb garden or veg patch? Could she encourage birds with feeders etc and look after them?