AIBU to think my mum is too enthusiastic about becoming a grandparent?

[olivegroon]

I'm not even pregnant. Only just announced I'm in a relationship. She is using a 'default' name for this future baby, etc.

It's seriously getting on my nerves. If we go anywhere "I'll have to bring GC here, that would be nice for GC", etc.

Can someone please tell me it's not that odd? I love my mum and really don't want her to be more extreme about it and hope it's normal. It's not though, is it?

YANBU! My mother would do this, I'm the youngest, with a large age gap between my elder siblings. When she deemed them "too selfish" to give her grandchildren, she pinned all her hopes on me. I wasn't even in a relationship when it started, early 30s I suppose? She even said if I had a child "they would take care of it". I live over 300 miles away from her!

When I got married, she assumed that meant we would get on with having a family. DH and I didn't want children, and I made that clear to her, and that we were making sure I didn't get pregnant. She went so far as to say she hoped I'd accidentally get pregnant, and that I wouldn't terminate if I did!

When DH died unexpectedly (and very young), she said, "I bet you wish you'd listened to me and had a little child with him." I could barely function, let alone take care of a baby in the state I was in.

If I'm honest, she made a bit of a dogs dinner of bringing up her own children, the sort of mother who loves babies, but dislikes it when the child begins to have their own thoughts and opinions. I doubt I'd have let any child of mine near her.

Sorry, rant over! But that did stir up some stuff. Why pressure somebody to have a child they're not even ttc?

Nip it in the bud now OP, you get to decide what you do with your body.

It's weird to do it out loud in the hearing of yourself. But I don't think it's unusual. After miscarriages and failing to conceive month after month after year led me to give up hopes for a larger family I can only console myself with thoughts of other babies I might get to cuddle and love someday. I shall keep quiet about it for the next 3 decades though (the poor child is only 7).

She needs to butt out, however interested she is

I get grumpy enough about being asked about a second. DS is 4, I had a miserable time of it, and am currently on tablets (medium term) that make getting pregnant unwise. My mum (who knows both of these) was asking me loudly at the school gate if all the other babies were making me want one yet

This morning's response (to an interferring Auntie) was : "No. Are you finally getting married this year?" She was most put out but hopefully took the hin.

Op I'm so glad I'm not the only one with a mum like this. Not much to add except that I get A LOT of pressure for this. I'm single.

She sounds "not quite right" to me. Why would any mother do that?

derxa - lucky? When I don't want children at the moment? I was 16 when she began nagging me, it felt like she was done with me and needed a baby to replace.

Yabu. My mum is dead. I'd love to have a parent interested in and my future children.

I adore babies but I wouldn't dream of going on like that. How pressurising!!

tell her to stop being so boring.

not everyone wants kids. Not everyone who DOES want kids can have them. And you do not have kids in order to become a grandparent.

stamp on this now.

My mum is dead. I'd love to have a parent interested in and my future children.
Every damn thread, there it is. No matter how unreasonable the behaviour, you are supposed to be grateful for the attention.

I can imagine I'd feel like this. I love family and would love the experience to have babies in the family to love but not directly be responsible for.

I'm sure it's not that uncommon. Making you feel pressured when not even pregnant isn't right though. :(

Have you ever told her to back the fuck off?

Yes, same as when someone gets a really crap, thoughtless present, and everyone piles in and says the OP should count herself lucky because they got nothing.

I'd have thought anyone could see there is a place somewhere on the line between 'sadly deceased/completely uninterested parent' and 'planning names and outings for non existent children five minutes into a couple's relationship'

Why do people have to make these totally extreme black/white, one or the other statements?

You can be enthusiastic and interested and loving to grandchildren when and if they come along without treating the couple (and especially the wife) as if they are simply baby makers. Surely what we want for our children is that they live happy fulfilled lives and have loving relationships? We've had our chance to do it our way, leave them be to do it their way - whether that includes children or not.

Pressuring like this is rude and unkind and shows a lack of respect for your children's life choices.

"She used to do it before I was in a relationship... as soon as I hit 16!"
Just noticed that comment by OP. Bloody hell, that's a bit close to treating your daughter as a brood mare. Really not nice.

@derxa she is not even pregnant or trying for a baby!

Exactly Kurri - there's a happy medium, which some posters don't seem to get...

olive Can't you just make a joke of what she is saying? It's annoying but hardly the end of the world.

Give her break. My mom kept buying stuff when I was pregnant with my daughter I hadnt even gone 12 weeks. She was so excited. Bless her. First grandchild. I hold my hands up and did say something but looking back she wanted to do it. I wish my mom was here to see my daughter grow up.

That is weird imo.

Even if she feels like that, she shouldn't be voicing it!

Just mind out that she doesn't piss your partner off too much & that it's "just the way she is" so that he can obviously have no problem putting up with it!

How overbearing and unreasonable. It must be driving you mad.

Gwilt - you were pregnant - OP has only just announced she is in a relationship. Her baby is currently a figment of her mother's imagination.

It's like choosing what to wear to her University Graduation when your reception DD manages to thread some beads on a string.

I would love gc. LOVE them.
But my oldest son is only 23 and his gf 21. Much as I would support them if they did have a baby I wouldn't want them to have one now. They are no where near ready.
So I keep all that stuff to myself.

The OP's mum is being totally OTT and it would put me off wanting a child tbh.

I have an acquaintance like this. She's been like it since her dc were children themselves. Her son married recently and I dread to think the kind of pressure she is putting on the couple if what she's saying to people around her is anything to go on; if no gc has materialised within the next year or so I honestly think she'll implode. I have grown dc myself and I just don't get it, if/when they decide to have kids I'll be thrilled of course (and I will be the world's best grandma) but it's not something that my entire future happiness depends on, their call as and when or never if that's what they choose.