DF lying about Christmas

[TweedleDee3TweedleDum]

When my DS was born, the card I received from my DF was written by someone else. I also received a card in the same writing from a woman. I asked who this was, and DF said it was his friend, implying girlfriend.

Since this DF has been very sketchy whenever I ask about this woman. One word answers, changing the subject, saying it's because he works with her and it would cause gossip.

He has also stated at other times that her family would be unhappy due to religious reasons.

I asked to see a photo once and I saw a picture. She looks much younger. He stated about 10 years difference. I thought more.

Christmas Day comes and DF brings gifts from this woman. Again, he refuses to speak about her.

I have told him that if it is serious with this woman that we will meet and she can meet DS etc. He said she would love to meet him... nothing else ever said about it.

He said he is going to dinner with her yesterday for Christmas meal, but on checking, the venue was not even open.

Aibu? Do I just leave it as it is?

The issue on my part is taking gifts for DS, without knowing this person, and the blatant lying from DS.

They work for a very large company, both at the same level.OP: You are putting their privacy at risk!Report this thread to MNHQ.It must be deleted

Dying laughing here! Yea, it's MI5 and they're both double agents.

How long has this been going on, OP? It seems OTT secretive.

I don't understand your comment about his "blatant lying"
You seem to be trying to use that as a reason to get more information from him when all he is trying to do is protect his privacy.
The lie was of absolutely no consequence.

Mywine, you have misunderstood. The comment about the blatant lying was to emphasise what my issue is with the matter, not trying to get information in any way. I don't understand how that would achieve what you have said.

The comment about lying was in regards to where he was spending Christmas, as it was his reason for it spending it with family.

*reason for not spending it with his family.

Cherry, about two years.

You could send a thank you note from your son and include a note from yourself saying you would like to meet her. Always supposing your father would actually give it to her.

My guess is that your father's girlfriend is married. Early on I'm guessing that she told him she would leave her husband and she threw herself into being part of his life. Hence the involvement with your son via card and gift.

She then got cold feet about leaving her husband and the relationship went back under wraps. Your father lives in hope of her leaving her husband and therefore pretends to himself and others that they are in an open relationship.

I've overthought this haven't I!

He only lied about where he was eating, he was still with her, so the lie itself is irrelevant.
He wasn't eating where he said he was, so what?
I understand why you want to meet her, hopefully you will be able to soon, when he is ready. but ignore the lie, it's the wrong thing to focus on and it won't help you resolve this.

Loud and clear, mywine. I hear what you are saying.

My DF was similarly secretive about my Dstepmother when they were first together. My sister and I worked it out but just let him get on with it and he did introduce her as a friend eventually, then as his GF. We just let them get on with it and tried to hint we were fine with it. Turns out she was recently seperate and they were worried about how her children would react and didn't want to tell one set before the other.

Sounds like she's keen to be friends with you which is great though. Hopefully he'll feel ready soon.

My MIL did a bit of this, she was recently widowed and felt everyone would judge her if she didn't wait the correct "mourning period". So they snuck around for about 2yrs before telling family, then another couple before they told friends... it's been 9 yrs now and there are still some people they won't tell

I would speak to your father about it, say he needs to decide to either keep this relationship to himself for whatever reason, or make it open to family - but this half secrecy is silly, and particularly if she wants to give DS presents she needs to meet him/know him, or we will send them back. She's either in the family or out, to me this half secrecy thing would do my head in, too silly for words.

Why are you checking up on the place he is going? Maybe that is why he lies to you, are you a busybody?