DF lying about Christmas

[TweedleDee3TweedleDum]

When my DS was born, the card I received from my DF was written by someone else. I also received a card in the same writing from a woman. I asked who this was, and DF said it was his friend, implying girlfriend.

Since this DF has been very sketchy whenever I ask about this woman. One word answers, changing the subject, saying it's because he works with her and it would cause gossip.

He has also stated at other times that her family would be unhappy due to religious reasons.

I asked to see a photo once and I saw a picture. She looks much younger. He stated about 10 years difference. I thought more.

Christmas Day comes and DF brings gifts from this woman. Again, he refuses to speak about her.

I have told him that if it is serious with this woman that we will meet and she can meet DS etc. He said she would love to meet him... nothing else ever said about it.

He said he is going to dinner with her yesterday for Christmas meal, but on checking, the venue was not even open.

Aibu? Do I just leave it as it is?

The issue on my part is taking gifts for DS, without knowing this person, and the blatant lying from DS.

YANBU, if she's writing you cards and sending your DC presents of course you're going to want to know something about her! Your DF is being weirdly selective with his secrecy - if he wanted her to remain a secret, he would write his own cards & buy his own presents.

I think he's being a bit of a pratt.

I'd just leave it and let him get on with whatever it is.

I do think it's him though and not her. I mean she got a card for the baby so obviously knew a lot about you and thought it would be appropriate, you'd never heard of her. The presents as well. He is probably making all sorts of excuses to her about you as well, why you can't meet and she hasn't met her "nephew" etc etc

Wouldn't it be step-granny? Or granny?

Not aunt at all :/

I did think that, merriment, however he once referred to her as DS's aunt.

when DF does raise the subject with gifts

OP: Say thank you for the gifts, then tactfully change the subject.

The aunt comment is really weird, that would make her your sister/step sister.

That's pretty much what has happened up to now, lovelearning.

The whole lying about where he was having Christmas dinner felt like something I am struggling to not ask about,m.

Do you think that she could be another daughter you don't know about?

I mean, I guess it's possible, lady, but surely it would be far too weird that he refers to her as his girlfriend.

I know, gym, it doesn't make sense. The only possibility I can think of is that often as a child, I often referred to my DPs friends as Auntie whoever.

TweedleDee3TweedleDum

I was inferring that he was trans and wasn't ready to come out yet.

Its more likely that he is worried about how she will be received, for whatever reason.

Thanks, boney, I don't think that's the case.

Yes, I agree that is the most likely scenario. It's a good point, as his previous 'friend' was not someone my siblings and I got on well with.

It could be that this lady thinks your df speaks about you about her? I was in a relationship recently with a man who had adult children...he never introduced me to them and I know he probably didn't even speak to them about me much. It was too weird so I ended it

She's married? To someone else I mean. Seems the most likely explanation to me, sorry. The gift giving is weird tho.

The aunt comment is very strange. There's not much you can do if he won't discuss it with you, but its all very odd.

he is worried about how she will be received

He is worried that it could lead to one or both of them losing their jobs!

Wyf, I think you are right about the selective secrecy. That is the main driver for writing my op.

If she is sending presents and cards then I don't this its the woman expecting or wanting secrecy or at least not from DF family.

It must be OP DF who wants to all to be secret but possibly handing gifts over because doesn't want to say he hasn't or lie about having done so to her.

It is all a big odd though.

Refuse the presents if they bother you, OP. Your father doesn't have to disclose anything that he doesn't want to. He obviously is not married so he's free to have a relationship as he chooses - and you don't have a right to know this woman even if you do have a keen interest.

You can though refuse to accept cards/presents for your son from anybody if you want to.

Bit dramatic lovelearning. 😬

Lovelearning...yes I bet OPs dad and his gf are quaking in their boots now

I'm surprised so many of the comments here amount to 'mind your own business'. It's not like she was snooping through her DFs phone. The woman is attempting to open a line of communication with her!

I bet OPs dad and his gf are quaking in their boots now

Anything you post on Mumsnet is fair game for the Daily Mail et al.

OP's dad and his girlfriend could end up tabloid fodder.

Delete the thread.