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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is being a dick....

46 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 24/12/2016 23:21

It's Christmas Eve obviously.

It's also his birthday. I know that. We've been away for a few weeks so I had to cram a lot of Christmas stuff into only a few days.... he had his works night out Thursday, his extended family Christmas last night... and I had booked to see Santa the same place we've seen them since the kids were born this morning.... but he wasn't feeling up to it, so I put it for free on our local selling site which made me feel better about skipping it!

Then we went with loads of friends to a panto and lunch even though DD1 is poorly and miserable.

Every other year we are busy. We usually go out till late at night, due to his birthday... we have a dinner out or people over etc. And I was actually so excited to finally have the evening in after our lunch to do the elves hamper and put the kids to bed! (We usually put them down asleep!)

We got in, and he had asked some people over after lunch.... I had nothing in as we are spending the next three days out of the house! So rushed to the shop to get drinks and while there he put our youngest to bed!! Without me.. Confused I went up straight away to chat to her but she loves bed and her bear and has SEN so was pretty unresponsive.

Came down, did snacks etc.... DD1 had got a movie in her hamper and was watching it and DH made her stop to go to bed earlier than usual...

Then he took all male guests to the dining room to play board games. All fucking night. The only other female guest called a cab and left. I've just sat by myself all Christmas Eve. Did the presents myself... tidied the room.... sorted the carrots and mince pie etc!

But it is his birthday.

I text my mum saying I am never staying in Christmas Eve again if this is what happens... (jokingly)... and she said it's fine because it's his birthday. Well... it was my birthday two weeks ago and we were on holiday (coincidence of date! Not for that!) and I tried to have a swim in the morning and he put both non swimming kids in the pool with me and went for a shower... (no more swimming obviously!) and it was the only night he didn't want to go out anywhere for dinner.

Am I being a bitch? I'm pissed off.

OP posts:
MooPointCowsOpinion · 24/12/2016 23:24

I'd be pissed off too and I'd tell him why. He will need to sort an entire afternoon and evening for you and your friends for your birthday next year while he has the kids too.

elQuintoConyo · 24/12/2016 23:28

Is he 12?

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 24/12/2016 23:28

Nope!

OP posts:
Wishforsnow · 24/12/2016 23:29

Sounds like he doesn't like you very much and just expects you to fit around him.

JerryFerry · 24/12/2016 23:31

I don't know but it all sounds extremely busy. Don't you just want to ease up a bit and breathe...

CockacidalManiac · 24/12/2016 23:34

Is he usually a sexist cunt?

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 24/12/2016 23:34

I did. I wanted to sit in front of the tv and eat takeaway and do nothing with DH and the kids. That's why I'm gutted.

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 24/12/2016 23:38

Did the game require a penis to play? Why didn't you go and join in?

DoosyFartlek · 24/12/2016 23:38

Why wasn't he running around getting stuff for the guests while you put DD to bed?

You do need to discuss this.

Whosthemummynow · 24/12/2016 23:38

I don't understand. Why can't you just join in?

JenLindleyShitMom · 24/12/2016 23:39

Sorry, he took all the men into the dining room and left the only woman sitting on her own in your living room? Shock do I have that right? He is a rude cunt! And the putting the DC to bed early is odd. There is something going on.

Goandplay · 24/12/2016 23:40

Think you're right but tomorrow is Christmas if you can leave it till a couple of days I would say something then. Put it to one side if you can. Merry Christmas.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 24/12/2016 23:42

It's like, some ongoing tournement of a game like risk?! (Or something like that!) Sounds very sad and teenage but they are all professionals in their mid to late 30's!

It's difficult to join when you're clearly not wanted....! I said to DH in the kitchen that it was Christmas Eve and I felt really sad that I'd done the presents and everything alone, and he replied by saying 'well, happy birthday to me.'

So I can't really win!

OP posts:
Topseyt · 24/12/2016 23:44

I don't think you are being unreasonable as such. He has made a pretty big deal of his own birthday today yet he all but ignored yours a couple of weeks ago.

I have to say though, that does sound like an extremely busy and fraught schedule you have there. It wouldn't suit me at all and would probably have me running for the hills. That is quite apart from his twattery over birthdays.

Christmassnake · 24/12/2016 23:46

Yes you are correct.he is a dick

Topseyt · 24/12/2016 23:47

Also, I don't get why he didn't at least invite you to join them. Even if you don't want to (and I wouldn't) it would be better and more friendly than ignoring you on Christmas Eve.

He does sound extremely self-centred.

redexpat · 24/12/2016 23:48

I am a bored game widow. Although not tonight. Did he really not discuss his plans in advance?

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 24/12/2016 23:50

No, he didn't. He chatted with people at lunch and a few came back.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 24/12/2016 23:51

He truly thinks he's done nothing wrong. We are having a row.

Happy Christmas poppins family! 🙄

OP posts:
LFWarrior · 24/12/2016 23:58

Usually you want to spend your birthday "with" the people we love not take a break from them for the night....on Christmas Eve!! I'd be upset too. Sounds like family life might be overwhelming him or maybe work is? Hope you sort it out xx

DontTouchTheMoustache · 25/12/2016 00:01

I can actually see both sides, from your perspective he has been thoughtless and selfish (particularly in terms of not making a fuss of you on your birthday) but from his point of view all he wanted to really do for his birthday was play a board game with the lads. It's not ideal.that his birthday plans were something you didn't/couldn't join in with. Does he do this kind of thing often? If so I'd say he is generally a bit of a tit but if not then I'd say cut him some.slack it's not as though he has gone out with his mates and got off his face in a bar.

robinia · 25/12/2016 00:16

His birthday, his rules. Bit of a pain it being Christmas Eve but it's still his birthday and he gets to do what he chooses. And if you like your board games, like Risk etc., it doesn't really matter what age you are.

But equally your birthday, your rules, so I'd call him out on that.

WilburIsSomePig · 25/12/2016 00:22

I really don't understand the 'his birthday his rules' thing, he's not 10. Having a birthday doesn't mean you're entitled to behave like a cock.

EweAreHere · 25/12/2016 00:25

He sounds like a selfish child.

He didn't give two thoughts to your birthday, but he's dumped everything on you on Christmas because it's his birthday now?

Wow

I'd have gone off

Bettyspants · 25/12/2016 00:31

Self centred dick. You have a young family, that's the focus and Christmas. If he's bothered about his birthday celebrate it a few days before or after Christmas. If he was a child I'd understand the importance but as a grown adult he needs to get a grip and realise the priorities.

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