To think DH is being a dick....

[MaryPoppinsPenguins]

It's Christmas Eve obviously.

It's also his birthday. I know that. We've been away for a few weeks so I had to cram a lot of Christmas stuff into only a few days.... he had his works night out Thursday, his extended family Christmas last night... and I had booked to see Santa the same place we've seen them since the kids were born this morning.... but he wasn't feeling up to it, so I put it for free on our local selling site which made me feel better about skipping it!

Then we went with loads of friends to a panto and lunch even though DD1 is poorly and miserable.

Every other year we are busy. We usually go out till late at night, due to his birthday... we have a dinner out or people over etc. And I was actually so excited to finally have the evening in after our lunch to do the elves hamper and put the kids to bed! (We usually put them down asleep!)

We got in, and he had asked some people over after lunch.... I had nothing in as we are spending the next three days out of the house! So rushed to the shop to get drinks and while there he put our youngest to bed!! Without me.. I went up straight away to chat to her but she loves bed and her bear and has SEN so was pretty unresponsive.

Came down, did snacks etc.... DD1 had got a movie in her hamper and was watching it and DH made her stop to go to bed earlier than usual...

Then he took all male guests to the dining room to play board games. All fucking night. The only other female guest called a cab and left. I've just sat by myself all Christmas Eve. Did the presents myself... tidied the room.... sorted the carrots and mince pie etc!

But it is his birthday.

I text my mum saying I am never staying in Christmas Eve again if this is what happens... (jokingly)... and she said it's fine because it's his birthday. Well... it was my birthday two weeks ago and we were on holiday (coincidence of date! Not for that!) and I tried to have a swim in the morning and he put both non swimming kids in the pool with me and went for a shower... (no more swimming obviously!) and it was the only night he didn't want to go out anywhere for dinner.

Am I being a bitch? I'm pissed off.

Op enjoy tomorrow and address it in a couple of days.

I think possibly his birthday trumps Xmas eve and it is the price you have have to pay for marrying someone you love that just sone happens to have been born on Xmas eve (not even joking sorry)

Actually I'm on your DH side. It's his birthday, year after year it's probably overshadowed by Christmas and he asks for one evening and you moan. Board games are not childish and if you paid more attention to his hobbies you wouldn't have to guess that all he wanted to do today was pretend it was about him. If you expected to do something else today you should have told him.

The men in our family seem to put themselves first. It is hard sometimes especially at Christmas. I suppose I put the kids first which probably annoys or offends dh. I think it is sad your dh isn't more supportive tonight and I really sympathise.

Why can't he celebrate his birthday a day or two early. It's not like he is 6.

As an adult, your birthday really doesn't have to be a big deal - yes a present and some attention is nice but you don't have to actually go out or see friends on the day itself. If my birthday was on Christmas Eve I'd maybe arrange a night out a few days later. He's being a self-important twat.

YANBU - he's being a dick. Having a birthday does not entitle him to behave like a selfish twat, oddly enough.

I Have a family member with a Christmas time birthday, it's their day not a holiday day. And it's organised as such.

BUT the same needs to be applied to you AND he was UNBELIEVABLY sexist rude and excluding re the board game. That it was a board game is irrelevant you don't choose an activity that excludes a guest or your partner in such a pointed way.

Agree set aside for tomorrow but come Boxing Day clearly say to him that this is unacceptable behaviour and he owes both you and the other lady an apology.

Come to an agreement of organisation for next year that takes account of the fact neither of you should miss out on celebrating your birthdays just because you happen to be born at a time most people are focused on celebrating a separate major occasion.

My relative has experienced the down sides to a birthday this time of year (being given a gift and told 'that's for birthday and Christmas', Christmas cards with 'happy birthday' scrawled in as an afterthought, people forgetting altogether, people unavailable to get together to celebrate) it's a bloody shame.

The family don't do this as it wouldn't be fair to them

everyone else gets to celebrate their birthday 'properly' why shouldn't they (people with birthdays at Christmas time/new year)?

He's a selfish twat.

Children are only little for such a short amount of time, Christmas Eve should be about them and family. If he wants to do a 'boys night' for his birthday then he can do what most adults do and choose a night that suits to do it. Charming that he'd rather have a boys night than spend Christmas Eve & his birthday with his family.

He was selfish on your birthday too.

He sounds like a right arse and not like someone I'd want to stay with.

Try to put it to one side tomorrow, but have a hard think about your life after Christmas.

It's my birthday too! Your husband needs to put his priorities in order! (I partied my arse off every year 'til I had the DC's) Ive had a truly wonderful day with the DC's and DH, then a lovely eve with DH, at home, like we've done every year since having children. We left a piece of my b'cake for Father Christmas ... Read the DC's the polar express. Didn't the other guests have children?? What are they doing at yours on. Xmas eve? For me it wouldn't be solely about tonight, he sounds so self-focussed, self-riteous; and "getting rid" of your DC's like he did is just so belittling of the family time they (and you) deserve at such a special time in their childhoods. What an utter knobhead! The men/women divide thing you speak of sounds archaic, I couldn't put up with that either. Poor you OP, but as a poster up thread said, is summon up all the grace I could muster and bite my lip for the next few days, your DC's and you deserve a lovely day tomorrow.

Time warp from the 19th century and beyond? If he wanted to do something specific, this should have been discussed and agreed. Not a bunch of people / strangers dumped on your family. Ditto your birthday. Do you have a few communication issues op?

Why are you enabling this man child? I doubt very much that this is the first time he's acted like he's the priority (see your swim comments) but it doesn't explain why you continue to enable it. This is who he is and hand wringing and being sad isn't going to change him, so stop feeling sorry for yourself and resolve to stop letting this man baby act like his wants take priority.

I know it's hard when the person you love acts like a selfish arse but seriously woman stop being on the receiving end of his dick moves by not pandering to him.

Nope, don't do the "his birthday his rules" BS. My birthday isn't even a holiday but it IS the day before DS2's. My birthday will probably be about organizing HIS birthday for the next ten years or so, and that's fine. I can do a celebration for mine another day because I'm, you know, an adult! And I do love birthdays fwiw.

I'm sure it sucks being a Christmas eve baby but oh well. He could celebrate before or after. Christmas is a big deal for kids and it's not fair you do it alone.

He sounds like a stroppy teenager, not a grown man. It's just a birthday and not even a milestone one.

Eurgh. Your husband sounds vile. In more ways than one. And he doesn't seem to like you and the kids very much, rather he sees you all as a chore!

I can't offer any advice as to what to do though, because I honestly don't think talking to him would work.

You are both being unreasonable in different ways imo.

He should have made more effort for your birthday.
He should have gone over plans in advance so you could shop accordingly.
Abandoning you and 1 other female guest is off imo. If you don't want to play risk fine but he should have given you the option to join in.

However
Having a Christmas birthday sucks and he should be allowed to celebrate it.
He probably thought putting your children to bed early was helpful (although turning off a new film is mean imo)
He was likely happy to set presents out late once his friends had gone.

Hope you sort things out.

I heard a quote recently: "when other people show you who they really are, listen"

He completely disregards you, your birthday, your children and puts his own birthday ahead of your family on Christmas Eve. He is also rude, sexist and selfish which is clearly displayed in his behaviour towards you, your daughter and his female 'friend'.

Why are you with this man? What are you actually getting out of this relationship? He is showing you that he doesn't care about your or your children.

He sounds like a sexist pig, urgh.

I don't think it sounds too bad

Fwiw, I spent most of yesterday evening watching Love Actually on my own

Quite nice really.

So: he put the kids to bed, that was not a bad thing?!

Presents can be put out later

The swimming thing: small fry

Surely?