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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or was DP just being lazy?

44 replies

Hellowyellow · 24/12/2016 23:00

I spent all day cleaning, tidying, doing laundry, washing up etc trying to make the house nice for Christmas. Literally did not sit down.

DP was 'watching the baby' (17 months) but basically letting her watch back to back cartoons on his phone whilst he watched his own thing on the TV.

Got annoyed because I got annoyed that he wasn't lifting a finger to help. Claimed he was keeping the baby out of my way but wasn't interacting with her at all. I feel that was just lazy parenting... am I being overly harsh? I feel that as he was using her as an excuse not to help me, he might have actually bothered to play with her. I wouldn't have minded if he had. I mean, I could have plopped her down in front of some videos, she hardly needed supervising with it.

He wouldn't have a reasonable conversation about it and has now gone to spend the night at his mums 'to get some space'. It's Christmas Eve ffs. Now our little one will wake up with only one parent on Christmas Day. I know she doesn't have a clue what's going on, but it still makes me sad.

So WIBU? Should I apologise?

OP posts:
VeryBitchyRestingFace · 24/12/2016 23:04

He sounds like a tit, running off home to mama.

Why didn't you tell me to swap with you at some point during the day so he could do chores and you relax/interact with the baby?

GravyAndShite · 24/12/2016 23:07

He went to mums? For space? Twat.

Will you calmly insist that you and he have a conversation about this after he has had his space or is this a tactic of his that you enable?

321zerobaby · 24/12/2016 23:09

I hope his mother sees sense and sends him back.

mylittlephoney · 24/12/2016 23:12

Spent the last 3 days blitzing the place. While I work on Xmas eve dh moans just because I ask him to Hoover the place before I get home. Twat hasn't even washed up. LTB looks so good right now.

neonrainbow · 24/12/2016 23:12

Why didn't you deal with it earlier in the day then rather than waiting till after you'd done everything? Hmm

ftmsoon · 24/12/2016 23:14

YANBU. The running home to Mummy needs to stop now. I put my foot down the first time DH tried that: pointing out that this is his home and if he walks out the door, I would change the locks and we would be over. Possibly a bit harsh, but he never did it again.
He's an adult and a parent, don't apologise for pointing that out.

Astro55 · 24/12/2016 23:15

I wouldn't apologies - the fact he's gone to his mums speaks volumes.

Tell him not to come back

Astro55 · 24/12/2016 23:15

In fact pack the baby up and go to your mothers - or friends and camp on a sofa -

Original poster
Hellowyellow · 24/12/2016 23:17

I should have asked him to swap in hindsight. Just too used to doing all the housework I guess (sighs).

Let him go running to mummy. Sod it. He gets wound up and it's impossible to have a reasonable discussion with him. It's not worth it. Better to let him calm down. Though god knows what he's actually annoyed about.

OP posts:
user1477282676 · 24/12/2016 23:18

Oh I'd be LIVID.

What an arse! You can't just run off to your Mother's house on Christmas eve when you're a parent!

What are the plans for tomorrow? If you're meant to go to MIL's I bloody wouldn't. This behaviour is seriously bad.

Original poster
Hellowyellow · 24/12/2016 23:20

Haha phoney...I feel your pain

OP posts:
PickAChew · 24/12/2016 23:21

Yes, he was being lazy.

But YWB a little U to do all of it, rather than insisting he make you a cuppa, then giving him some of his own jobs to do while you sat down with said cuppa (and to have a lovely nonsense chat with your baby!)!

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 24/12/2016 23:22

In fact pack the baby up and go to your mothers - or friends and camp on a sofa

AND MAKE SURE YOU TAKE THE TURKEY.

Original poster
Hellowyellow · 24/12/2016 23:22

Yep, should have dealt with it earlier.

Plans tomorrow are to go to my mums for the morning and his for the afternoon. Def won't be doing that now. I've already called his mum to apologise.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hellowyellow · 24/12/2016 23:23

Shit he's got the turkey! It's ok though as I'll have dinner at my mums

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 24/12/2016 23:23

He's being a dick. Leave him to it. Don't contact him, just focus on your baby. And do not apologise, you've done nothing wrong.

Charley50 · 24/12/2016 23:24

You KNOW you were not being unreasonable.. He was being a lazy twat, a useless dad, shit partner, and sulky arsehole... and leaving on Xmas Eve.. Very bad sorry. I agree with the pp above who put her foot down first time her DH did it; he'll only do it again otherwise.

Original poster
Hellowyellow · 24/12/2016 23:24

And thanks all...agree it's poor behaviour. He's done it though because in the past our arguments have escalated and it's got ridiculous and he wants to avoid that, which is fair enough. That's why I'm putting up with it

OP posts:
VeryBitchyRestingFace · 24/12/2016 23:26

Shit he's got the turkey! It's ok though as I'll have dinner at my mums

He took the turkey with him when he ran away to mummy's???

I. Cannot. Compute.

Xmas Hmm
LizzieMacQueen · 24/12/2016 23:27

Why has his mother not sent him home?

Maybe he's hoping Santa will visit.

Topseyt · 24/12/2016 23:27

Go to your Mum's and stay there. He can stay with his. Perhaps she might possibly tell him what an arse he is being, though that is by no means guaranteed, I suppose.

Original poster
Hellowyellow · 24/12/2016 23:28

Haha well we were supposed to have dinner at his mums and he was just prepping the turkey for her. I wouldn't know what to do with it tbh. My family are having lamb!

OP posts:
Original poster
Hellowyellow · 24/12/2016 23:31

Fingers crossed mummy talks some sense into him. She's lovely but he is the favoured son, so who knows...

Dd is in bed asleep so I can't get her up and leave. It's fine. I'll starfish in bed and enjoy the lack of snoring

OP posts:
SantasJockstrap · 24/12/2016 23:32

awww op, try and have a good day tomorrow, he IS being immature but you know that hun

bloody men

Astro55 · 24/12/2016 23:33

But YWB a little U to do all of it, rather than insisting he make you a cuppa, then giving him some of his own jobs to do

Why should we give them jobs? Can they not see what needs doing - and you know - do it? He lives there too right?