Your thoughts

[starsorwater]

BIL aged 54 but still very much the younger son. Spent last Christmas alone. This Christmas was invited to us on 23rd argued for 21st saying flights cheaper. Was warned it you come 21st on your head be it, DDs birthday, expect visiting kids.
No problem with that, says BIL and here he is, and has been since 21st. He has brought no presents, no cards, no booze, no chocs, no clean clothes, and 3 tins of pickled herring.
The towels, shower gel etc left in his room are still pristine. He smells like a hundred old dogs. Three days down, three to go.
Your thoughts, wise mumsnetters?

I can't he lives in Sweden.

Ultimatum.

Shower or hotel.

Stop being so British ;-) and avoiding the subject!

in many ways he is harmlessly nice. But he will not wash or take hints. I can understand the unmaterialistic no present thing, and no wine etc too, maybe they don't in Sweden, but not even a birthday card? And hours of travel, I mean hours and hours, coach to Denmark for heavens sake so he could fly from Copenhagen and then flight and then train, you need a bath after that, never mind three more honking days.

I know I am being horrible. In real life I am being quite nice.

I would tell him he whiffs. I wouldn't sit suffering in my own home.

How? How could anyone say anything like that on Christmas Eve without being hurtful?

Hang up an oversized calendar in a prominent place and cross off the days in thick red marker pen until he 'slings his hook'

He sounds like a nightmare, unfortunately for you it isnt a bad dream you can wake up from on Christmas morning!

Just tell him he needs a wash. You're not being unkind. If you told him 'You stink you disgusting arse. And where are my presents?' That's unkind.

Just say it. "For crying out loud, you stink. Get a bath, take a shower".

If he's offended, he is a. in the wrong in the first place and b, will get over it.

Oh op! I like you! I couldn't tell anyone they stink either, but my goodness it must be revolting.

I wish I had not read this - ew! Poor you. I think you are going to have to call a spade a spade and tell him to wash. You cannot chuck out your sofa but will you ever want to sit on it again?!?

Run him a nice bath as a treat.?

You tell your DH to sit him down and lay it out for him: regular shower, kicking in something for the birthday boy, and kicking in something for Christmas.

Well they do say 'house guests and fish go off after 3 days!' Maybe they knew your Bil helpful

I suppose the DC are already a-bed?
I usually find they are at their most useful at times like this.
'Cor Uncle Sven you smell just like that pickled herring you brought us. You're making my doll puke'.
Or other useful little memes such as 'did ya fart Grandma' and 'wow look at those green teeth'.

I couldn't say it to an IL but a sibling, yes. Get your DH to tell his brother he stinks and has to wash.

Swede here.
No wine - kinda Swedish.
No card - kinda Swedish.
Eccentric crusty folk music lover slash soap dodger unable to take hints and socially awkward - not uncommon.
Pickled herring - lovely!
Is he your DHs brother or your sister's ex?
I think you just have to be plain with him: "Seriously, you have to shower now please, you smell."
Or ask him to 'duscha för helvete!'

Sorry OP but I laughed out loud at 3 tins of pickled red herring

Me too Pineapple

Is pickled herring his recreational drug of choice? Do you come across him snorting it, or something?

Or employ the 'has that cat shit in here' technique. Followed by 'I'm sorry BIL you'll have to move, I think it's under your chair...no, nothing there....oh! Oh! I say, BIL, it's YOUR feet'

P.S: Wouldn't be surprised if he produced a nice bottle of schnapps for the Christmas meal either.
Go. Easy. On. It.

The answer to his question of "why, do I smell?" was of course "yes, I'm afraid you do. Please shower, not just now but daily".

I think I'd be spraying him and the sofa with febreeze really unsubtly at this point

Was the pickled herring a gift? Or for his own personal consumption?
If the latter, his breath alone could probably raise the dead.
I won't speculate on the state of your sheets his farts.

I have put throws on sofa some of his clothes not the pjs I'm sorry to say is in machine, dcs are being very very very polite. I know the elbows time was the opportune moment but I couldn't. He is like Linus in Peanuts it is about him like a haze.Thanks for the SWedish heads up [van] i thought it might be cultural. Such a relief to be able to say it on here.

(in real life lighting candles and offering mulled wine with many cloves).