CMS Help, need advice asap

[WynterBlossom]

Sounds weird but need to know.

When I contact CMS next year to claim money for my son, will they pass info on about me & our son?? I.E what I chose to call him??

So for example if they called him would they say "Hello, we are calling from CMS in regards to a claim for child maintenance your ex partner wynterblossom is claiming for your son Rupert Smith (made up name).

Have to ask on here as I'm sure a lot of women on here may have made a claim after giving birth without contact with the child's father.

Going by the CMS website calculator, based on him earning £20,000 a year. He will have to pay 15% of his salary.

He lives at home with his mother and pays no rent.
He has a car but pays his insurance yearly
He has a phone he pays £50 a month for
He has a mattress he pays £35.00 a month for
& he pays £40 a month for his dogs insurance.

He takes home around £1390, he's left with a considerable amount of money, he will also be getting pay rises next year too.

I can't imagine they will call him, he will make some crap up about paying all this money out and their reply will be "apologies! Don't worry about paying for the baby you created, we will just tell your ex she has to foot the bill".

He earns more than enough.

You've really worked it all out, haven't you?

It all sounds a bit ... bloodless.

They only take pension contributions or other child maintenance payments into account.

He can't just say "oh I've got a new gf, I'm not planning on doing this & that so I can't pay".

They will make him pay what is the legal minimum whether he's got bills to pay or not.

I can't see why it would be okay to just pay £50 a month?? Why would they put his housing costs before the needs of his son??

I haven't worked it "all out" however it's clear il need to contact CMS & ask their advice.

Im so glad you want a cash machine not a father for your kid merry fucking christmas

I think your getting a hard time here op. I can see why you wouldn't want him involved based on what you say here, I'm not saying that's right or wrong or will or won't happen but seems very understandable to me. And ofcourse he should pay for a child he creates, paying towards his child is a separate issue from contact.

I know nothing about cms, and I guess it's possible you might have to choose not to involve cms for the sake of your child (shouldn't have to be that way) so good luck doing your research.

Oh yes, claiming £200 a month for the daily costs of raising my son is a cash machine! £200 a month?? Considering il be footing a hell of a lot more than that, yet I'm using my sons father as a bloody money bank??

Fact is, he DOESNT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIS SON!
When I contacted him to discuss things, he blocked me, so don't judge me until you know all the facts.

Just because he pays for him doesn't give him the right to have access, if he wants it, he can go to court. That way I know for sure he will be serious and not let his son down time and time again.

The only reason I wanted to go through his gf is because I was advised not to contact him directly and to go through a 3rd person.
She seems like a nice girl and if she's going to be in my sons life then I'd like to get to know her and at least have a basic relationship with her simply for my baby's sake, it's a shame his father doesn't feel the same!

Wow.

You can't have it both ways. If you want him to pay he is entitled to have contact. If you don't want him around, don't claim, I doubt he'll bother.

I think your chances of getting £200 pm out of someone on £20k pa are slim to none.

Good luck though.

I want the best for my son & want what he is entitled too, yet im a bad person for it??

Honestly don't understand some people on here, it's baffles me.

I'm not in the right frame of mind to deal with this today, this week or next year.

Thank you for your advice, il take it all on board but I won't be coming back on this thread, I'm far too fragile, I don't want anything to push me over the edge.

Take care all & have a great new year

OP my ex earns £19k and I get £200. The CMS don't care one bit of the persons outgoings unless for special reasons!

They will send him a letter saying there has been a claim opened for Rupert smith DOB 1/1/2017. If he disputes parentage they say to do one of their DNA tests which will cost him around £350, he would be told he'd get a refund should the results come back negative.

I'm genuinely surprised at how much non-resident parents on fairly low incomes have to pay. I'm not saying it's wrong - far from it - just rather taken aback (and relieved that my ds is with me half the week - I'd have to move into a bedsit if I had to pay maintenance to his dad).

ems137, thank you for your reply.

That small message has helped more than most "flamings" I've received.

I've not been with anyone else since we met, I fell pregnant in July....this baby is his so if he disputes it, he'll cost himself lot more money however i won't stop him having it done.

If he wants access, I want to ensure our sons needs are met before anyone else's....I want to make sure he doesn't let him down, hence I'd rather he go through court as I know he'd mean he want to see him.

Thank you for your reply, I honestly appreciate it.

Op, what's his mum like? She could be a useful ally, and it will be good to know she's around when your ex has your ds (assuming she's a decent sort).

She's an absolute push over, does as he says.

He treats women like shit & his mum & sister take it.

She's not strong enough, none of his family are which is a huge shame really.

im sure op has posted before very similar but ex didnt have a girlfriend and admitted she still loved him

apologies if not

same style,same her way or no way etc etc

either way a very one sided arrangment

Will you be returning to work after maternity leave? will you be supporting your child yourself?

If not, you know who the father is, then you have a duty to the taxpayer to claim. Sorry if it goes against you want.

A part of me still loves my ex yes.....however he's hurt me beyond repair.

There is currently absolutely no arrangement in place, not my doing but his.

Currently, I won't be returning to work after maternity leave as my job isn't flexible....however I'm trying to make plans so I have a better chance at returning to A job when I finish mat leave.

I do not think it fair that taxpayers foot the sole cost of my son especially if his father pays absolutely nothing, that is wrong.

I think unless someone has been in a toxic relationship with a truly toxic person then they tend to come out with these comments "you have no right to stop contact" etc etc. If it's genuinely in the child's interest for whatever reason then court would impose restrictions should it go that way.

With a newborn baby contact would definitely be supervised to a degree, with you very close by. That could be in a contact centre or a mutually agreed friend/family home or something. Contact wouldn't be for 6-8 hours 2/3 times a week like someone else said, that's ridiculous! More like 1 or 2 hours 1/2/3 times a week depending on his availability.

There are many many men out there who just aren't bothered and can't be arsed with the effort so you never know, he might be one of them. If you have any proof of abuse or threats then you need to keep hold of it and log any further problems with 101 police, this is if you think there would be safeguarding issues with the baby.

Everyone wants the best for their child and you always have to put the child's needs and feelings first

imo op is broken and hurt and is not thinking clear,i was in a very similar situation and was hitting out for a long time after my dc was born and his dad never changed his mind wanting to see him

its 10yrs now and it still breaks my heart for my son

op you need time to grieve for what was,it will take time and your world has shattered but step back from it if you mentally can

Thank you to all who are giving advice & not just giving opinions.

In no way am I saying "if he doesn't love me then he can't see his son", I'm not one of those people....I will do whatever makes me son happy, I couldn't bear to be the woman who causes my child emotional pain.

I am hurting so very horribly right now, I knew what my future held, I had plans....then it all turned to shit, he did what he did, he said what he did......& then left me without another word.

I am in a very very bad place right now....I am sorry to anyone who has taken offence to anything I've said.

Just wanted to say as well that breastfeeding may or may not work for you so please don't put too much pressure on yourself trying to get it to work, your situation is complicated enough so just take things one step at a time

Do you have a good support network?

I agree, that's why I've also bought a bottle set as there's a chance I could express but not actually breastfeed.

I know that if he wants access, if he goes to court then he will get it one way or another.

I am not trying to be obstructive, i want my child to have a relationship with his father however I am worried for my son, in regards to things my ex has said which were flagged up to SS.

Why has things you ex has said been flagged to ss? Does he have other kids?

And what are their concerns?