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Original poster

How to tell Ds Santa isn't real

88 replies

MsJamieFraser · 23/12/2016 20:47

Ds1 is 10, he still believes, (I think, he thinks if he doesn't not beleive he will get one less present Xmas Grin however I think deep down he knows)

This will be his last Xmas in Santa... how did you tell your DC?

Ds2 is 7 so we still want him to believe, and ds1 will be OK with this.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 23/12/2016 21:37

He probably already knows but doesn't want to spoil it for you Wink . Kids don't think like adults.

Waltermittythesequel · 23/12/2016 21:37

I was never told.

I have perfectly good deduction skills and, in my 30s have no problem telling the difference between real and make-believe.

Why tell him anything?

Giddyaunt18 · 23/12/2016 21:39

You don't tell them. They figure it out and make it clear they sort of know. My DD got to 12!!!! They still get a red pillowcase by the fire with their presents from us inside but we still say "He's been!"

TheNaze73 · 23/12/2016 21:41

Tell him before he gets to secondary school, he'll get ripped otherwise. Don't take away the magic yet

SimplyNigella · 23/12/2016 21:41

This is lovely:
www.amazon.co.uk/Wonderful-Truth-About-Santa/dp/0990592839

kissingJustForPractice · 23/12/2016 21:44

I talked to my son about it in the summer before he started secondary, I was pretty sure he knew and just asked him what he knew about Father Christmas. He said he knew it was me and his dad - I said thank you for playing along because we enjoyed doing the stockings and that we'd keep playing the game so it didn't spoil things for his younger sister. Everyone knows now, but we still leave out beer, mince pies and carrots and FC still leaves a message for them!

Giddyaunt18 · 23/12/2016 21:45

Tell him before he gets to secondary school, he'll get ripped otherwise. Don't take away the magic yet

Kids are savvy, my DD would never say in front of her friends but deep down she believed until 12 then asked me/told me in a round about way.

PhilODox · 23/12/2016 21:50

What crumbs said- my 7yo worked it out last Christmas, and told me early in January what he thought. We told him he was now a "Magic Maker", and got so excited about being able to do his big sister's stocking this year... he was gutted when she suddenly announced in August that she didn't think it was real! Shock

PurpleTraitor · 23/12/2016 21:51

No one ever told me. I don't remember 'finding out' - of course I gradually came to realise there was more to the story, like most kids do. But I 'believed' and had stockings and the traditions continued until I left home.

I wasn't bullied at school nor was my development hindered. Xmas Hmm

I don't know if my 10yo believes truly or just 'believes' because we will continue Father Christmas until either my children leave home (at which point I'll look forward to them doing it with grandkids) or they ask for it to stop.

Snooks1971 · 23/12/2016 21:51

They figure it out by themselves! It's not like the facts of life - they don't need to be "told".
I cannot remember ever being told about the non-existence of FC or Tooth Fairy....but at some point (I'm 45 now) casually informed my parents that they don't exist. My Mum went "oh ok" [relief]
I was (is) a sensitive soul and so glad I figured it out by myself at probably (fog memory) 12? ish.... No need to tell

cheekyfunkymonkey · 23/12/2016 21:57

Please tell me this is a wind up. Why on earth would you tell? Kids work it out from themselves and it's fun to do the detective work. Don't take that experience from him. It's an essential part of growing up. Having a parent 'tell' you would completely ruin it, and he may hold a serious grudge.

Topseyt · 23/12/2016 21:58

Why make a big thing of this.

They will work it out. No need for a special reveal all conversation.

I don't get why people get so tied up in knots over this.

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 23/12/2016 22:00

He's still at Primary school, he'll figure it out for himself soon enough! Enjoy it while it lasts

pklme · 23/12/2016 22:05

I felt I needed to tell before secondary school.
It was a tricky conversation, he's very literal (spectrum tendencies). Basically he thought that FC was unlikely, but not as unlikely as a worldwide conspiracy among all adults.
He wasn't going to cotton on...

Violetcharlotte · 23/12/2016 22:06

They work it out for themselves, but most go along with it as they enjoy the magic of it. Mine are 17 and 15 - we all believe in the spirit of Father Christmas, leave out a mince pie and a carrot for the reindeer, hang up stockings, etc (although they would be horrified if they knew I was posting this!)

Sybys · 23/12/2016 22:10

Having a parent 'tell' you would completely ruin it, and he may hold a serious grudge.

But if parents actively try and preserve their child's belief in Santa when the child is entering their teens, they could hold a serious grudge for the deception.

Most children work it out by the age of 8 (a third do so before the age of 6). Of course its fine for some to take a little longer, but I think there needs to be a point where the parents are willing to be 'caught out' by their child, rather than continuing to make up fantastical explanations when their child raises a query. There's a balance to be struck.

Certainly by secondary school age, I would be keen to expose a child that truly believed to some sort of media that suggests that it is all just a myth (which I think would be a better choice than sitting them down and telling them outright, because it still allows them to sort the information for themselves).

Brighteyes27 · 23/12/2016 22:15

Don't tell him. My DS said to me when he was in reception I know their is no such thing as santa as x says it's your parents and they hide your presents in the loft. I got the loft ladder down and let him shine a torch up there and said what do you think now. He said I'm not sure really. We had the believe to receive conversation and no way would I tell him their was no such thing as santa and he is 13. He doesn't belive but goes along with it and the magic of Christmas lives on in or house. Christmas will be rubbish once they know.

Waltermittythesequel · 23/12/2016 22:19

Most children work it out by the age of 8 (a third do so before the age of 6).

I think Irish kids are very different to British kids, generally.

I don't know a single child who stopped believing that young.

cheekyfunkymonkey · 23/12/2016 22:22

I'm not advocating preserving belief, rather encouraging independent thought, not handing them the answers. If asked I just ask them what they think, and the answers are illuminating, and fun talking points, and they take it as far as they want to/ are ready to hear. If that brings them to the conclusion Santa isn't real so be it but it should come from them, not some big reveal.

Sallystyle · 23/12/2016 22:23

Never told them.

Not even my 17 year old. He knows that he isn't real, obviously.

They work it out themselves.

threestars · 23/12/2016 22:27

DS (aged 12) and I have hilarious conversations about the validity of Father Christmas. I will never ever admit it and he knows it and loves coming up with arguments against. It's clear he doesn't believe, and hasn't for ages. Quite a relief, in that I don't have to worry about alternative wrapping paper for stockings etc or being caught out and crushing his hopes because even if I was, I would out and out deny it and always come out with believe to receive. It's a jokey stretching of boundaries.

I have not needed to tell him, he's quite clever enough to work it out for himself and his friends and cousins too. But, just as when I was a similar age, I could convince myself on Christmas Eve when I was still excited by Christmas, that it just MIGHT be a possibility...

Sybys · 23/12/2016 22:28

Waltermittythesequel - to be honest I have no idea if the average age is different for Irish children. Here's an article with a couple of different studies, if it's of any interest

www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/12/when-do-kids-stop-believing-in-santa/383958/

Anecdotally I recall that my two best friends in school (twins) were the last in my school year to be willing to openly state an ongoing belief, and that was in Year 3 (so ages 7-8).

Boogers · 23/12/2016 22:30

Why tell them? It's not like a serious life conversation that you have to have, it's not telling them about sex and contraception, it's santa! Believe me, they figure it out. DS is 13 and I tell him if he doesn't believe he won't receive, and he replies 'yes mum' with a wry smile. DD is 7 and still believes in all the magic. Why would I break that magic?

OP, how did your parents break it to you that Santa wasn't real?

I remember a comedian a few years recalling a friend in the playground telling him "Santa's not real, it's your dad" and for ages he walked round with a strut thinking his dad was Santa! Bless! Xmas Smile

Bluebolt · 23/12/2016 22:35

It would depend on the child, a child likely to be bullied about still believing is probably a child who is likely to be bullied anyway - in another stick to beat them with. If you feel your child is in danger of this then it would be wise to tell them. I would have told DS1 if he had not of asked by 10 as he was more likely to read the situation wrong and blurt about santa at secondary school.

Steamgirl · 23/12/2016 22:52

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