To not know how anyone gets anything done with a baby/toddler?

[Zarachristmas]

There have been a few threads lately that have made me a little uncomfortable.

Comments along the lines of 'being a sahm is a job which you either do well or do badly'

It's the sahp job to make the home nice for the working parent to come home to'

'With one child at home you should be able to do x, y and z'

'Your husband shouldn't have to cook or now the lawn after work'

I am only think they've never met my toddler.

I do work but part time and I've been off ill recently so have been at home.

My toddler can be so demanding. Even when I pop him in his cot to shower he screams the place down. I've no chance of putting on make up or doing my hair. I make the beds, give the two dc breakfast then do the school run. Usually having a fight beforehand to get toddler dressed and coat on.

I get back and try to have a piece of toast while toddler climbs all over me and eats most of my toast, even if I make him his own toast he wants mine.

We then either go out for the morning or I attempt to do a few jobs.

If I try to fold washing he pulls it all over, if I try to hang washing in clothes airer he pulls it all off. If I pop him in his highchair to unload dishwasher and wipe sides he screams blue murder.

If I try to hoover or dust or anything he opens all the drawers and wardrobes and pulls everything out, shoe boxes, pants, socks. He throws all the shoes out of the shoe basket.

The only way to really stop him trashing the house is to play with him to keep him occupied so I do that.

Then I make him some lunch and he has a nap.

I usually sit for a bit and have a drink then start on some jobs. Usually picking up the trail of mess everyone has left for me. Clothes and random crap my husband has strewn about, loading, hanging and folding washing, picking up toys, clearing up after lunch, cleaning the bathroom, the fridge, mop floors. basically whatever needs doing. Sometimes I prepare a meal for later.

Then it's time to wake toddler up and do the school run, toddler usually again screams blue murder at being woken up and we have another fight to get his coat on and get him out. He might do a poo and we will have a fight to do his nappy which might involve us both ending up getting shit on us and changing.

After school I give kids a quick snack then 3 nights a week I'm back out from 4 running around to various after school activities. If not doing that there's homework, reading. books, spellings to learn or an evening meal to cook. Toddler will usually scream while I cook.

Then it's husband home at 6 if we are lucky, eat, clean up again, bath kids, read kids stories, brush teeth, husband needs a good shower after work or a 30 minute soak in the bath and we sit down at 8pm if we are lucky.

Bed at 10 and repeat. Husband usually falls asleep on the sofa at 9 anyway.

So yeah there are nights my husband gets home and the house is a mess, there are nights he gets in and I haven't cooked and we get chips or he makes us an omelette or some freezer food. There are nights I'm so frazzled the last thing on my mind is my husband full stop.

Of course I've tried all the usual tricks putting toddler in front of the tv, ignoring, getting him to 'help'. It doesn't really work. Occasionally we have a great few days and I get on top of it all, but for the most part he's a high demanding toddler.

I feel like I'm spread quite thinly and I can either put my efforts into the dc, or the house, but I can't do it all.

I get the bare minimum done with my very active toddler. She's a whirlwind. I have to get Dp to watch her so I can do a proper clean once in a while. Ds was completly different he would sit and play with his toys for ages and I could get stuff done.

YANBU
DD (11 months) has just started roaring very very loudly if I am not doing stuff with her. Then she'll hold on my trouser leg and launches herself head first.
She is grumpy from teething but can I get any Calpol into her? Absolutely not.
Toddlers :)

Thankyou for this post, I was beginning to feel like a complete failure.
We do a ton of activities, crafting, developmental things, outdoor play, but she is so quick and energetic I couldn't possibly do anything else. She is always asking me to dance, jump, run with her, she's climbing on everything, she draws really well which is nice except it's aimed at the furniture...
It's full on, and she's never been one for sleeping much.
And maybe, if I stuck the tv on, she'd watch and I'd get some cleaning done. But how is that better? I'd rather have a bright, active child spending quality time learning and playing with me than a house that's clean and a child who misses out.

YANBU, OP. I've got two toddlers and most of my day consists of stopping them maiming themselves, each other or the poor bloody dog (Table top wrestling, anyone?). They're so godawful in the mornings the dog fucks off upstairs and into my bed after her morning wee rather than stay in the lounge. I am sick of hearing myself "don't bite, don't smack, don't snatch, where are your trousers?"

I'm a SAHM to a just turned 3yo and just turned 1yo. DH works away a lot. I agree it really does depend on your children. My 3yo needs a lot of exercise, always has since he was tiny, hasn't napped since before he turned 2 and is extremely boisterous. When I do jobs when he's around he will follow me round like a tornado no matter what I do! Can't get much done, nothing occupies him for long. He is just bloody hard work, always has been, as lovely and fun as he is!
OTOH baby DD will happily sit down and stay occupied for long enough for me to get shit done. Plus she naps. When DS starts nursery for his 15 free hours in Jan (over 3 days a week) I will probably get shitloads more done than I do now because those days i only have DD and if she has a 2 hr nap I can get loads done!

I also think you have to lower your standards. My house is clean and tidyish but it isn't spotless. My DH totally understands how much time and attention the DC take. Things I make sure I do every day - hoover living room, make 3 meals for us, 1 load of laundry, dishwasher done and wipe down kitchen and bathroom. When DH is off I try and do more of a 'deep clean' and he's never moaned about getting stuck in helping, although I ensure I do the bulk.

I feel your pain OP.

My youngest is 19 months and full on, like yours. My friends with babies tell of mornings where their babies allow them to doze on a morning while they bring them into their beds. Mine tries to throw himself off the bed if you do that.

I shower with him in the bath playing but soon as I'm finished he wants out. If my other son then gets in with him I can sit on the toilet seat and put a bit of makeup on while he throws toys out of the bath drenching the floor.

He will watch Peppa pig on my phone for about five minutes while I then dry my hair. He never really stops moving but does nap well and sleeps well at night. I just have to be prepared to be on the go from the minute he wakes up.

I make sure the upstairs is clean and tidy while he's briefly occupied so then I can clean the downstairs when he naps. I haven't yet managed to make an evening meal (I work part time) but H is happy to do that when he comes home.

YANBU. Looking after children full time is a job. Being a housekeeper/cleaner is a job. Doing both at the same time is doing two jobs.

I am on mat leave with a toddler and a new born and can barely stay on top of everything even with DH pulling his weight when he's here (works long hours).

I'm never not doing something, whether it's cooking, laundry, cleaning, breastfeeding, wrestling the toddler into or out of clothes... sometimes I even manage to pay the DCs some attention.

The truth is, it's not possible to do both those jobs without help. Those women I know who manage it either have a cleaner or free childcare in the form of family very close by.

If you have neither (like me), then you won't manage it. Unless you never sleep.

Yes it depends on the child. Since about 3 months old my daughter has never stopped. She was standing at 7 months and would be up every half an hour "practising" her tripod impression.
At 21m she's still full of beans, I can't shower or do anything without her. She will only nap on me or in the car. I embrace it now - she's fabulous - but I did resent it when other mums' babies would just sit there.

Totally depends on your children op.

I'm a SAHM who had three chilled out babies who slept in the day, were happy to sit in bouncy chairs and gaze placidly round the room. The older two were also fairly easy toddlers. Number 3 rather less so, but still nothing like what you're describing. None of them ever, for example, routinely emptied drawers or cupboards.

You can only do so much, and you have a toddler who is currently bloody hard work. Some toddlers are just harder work than others. Just as some children are.

Cut yourself a bit of slack

DD2 can happily entertain herself but if she catches you attempting to tidy up, load the dishwasher, hang up washing etc she makes it her mission to undo whatever you're doing, preferably even quicker than you can do it in the first place. I take this as a sign that it's fine to leave her to her own devices while I read Facebook

Also if you leave them together they play nicely for about 5 minutes then dd1 will start crying because dd2 is sitting on her

The only way I could have a spotless house is if I glued them both to an iPad each and moved out myself!

Seriously OP you have just described my life!! My toddler is very demanding and the only way I can describe him is "ankle biter"!! I'm a single mum of 4 and struggle every day!

Toddlers are knackering, nor are they conducive to a clean tidy home!

On the upside, it's only a matter of time before their free nursery time kicks in so he can go and have fun and go crazy with us mates while you get some jobs done.

Until then, it's really just a case of treading water!

www.kiddicare.com/p/Summer_Infant_Pop_N_Play_Playpen.htm?product_id=594404&utm_source=pla&affiliate=KC-google-shopping&gclid=CKS1972Wi9ECFQSVGwodG2UFOQ&gclsrc=aw.ds

& let him scream whilst you eat, do urgent cleaning (you and your house!!) and use the toilet. Quite frankly when they're spirited they cry all the bloody time anyway.

He'll be lovely when he's older for now...

Zara YANBU.

This is why I went back to work. I have a lot of respect for SAHMs because I personally found it harder than an actual paid job.

And that's the thing. It's an amazingly underrated task that you receive no thanks or recognition for. Or money, sadly.
You sound like you're doing a brilliant job.

I have a 2.8yo who has dropped his naps and an 8mo who is not content with his commando style shuffle and wishes to walk. The stairgate is back on so I can keep mess contained downstairs. Otherwise I finish a breastfeed to find toddler has found a sharpie in dh bedside drawer (thumbs up to dh), and redecorated the bedsheets.
He's also in an 'emptying things out' stage.
Contemplating putting him in nursery half a day.

I get DH to take DS out for a few hours on a Saturday morning and do everything then.

Otherwise I can pop him in the jumperoo for the odd 15mins to get really basic things done like clean the highchair.

He's only 8.5 months but the little daredevil is trying to walk! I literally spend my day hovering a foot behind him ready to catch him when he lets go of whatever piece of furniture he's cruising along.

You have just described my life as well x

I've got a 5 month old baby and our house looks like a bomb's hit it! The husband helps out as much as he can, but he's been floored by a chest infection

Maybe some kids are just easy? I find looking after babies and toddlers and housework and cooking all a doodle. Doesn't take much time at all. During maternity leave I managed to finished many many series on Netflix, including lost and charmed (both are long with many seasons). And did all house work and hot meals both lunch and dinner. And I even did self study for work. She just was happy sleeping or playing by herself.

Today I had my 5 and 2 yo with me on my own. (Started my annual leave and DH still at work). I did two loads of laundry and baked minced pies. Went to soft play in the morning and played with my iPad in the afternoon. Also on day 2 of potty training 2yo.

Really don't see there is much to SAHP. I do work full time but I had two maternity leaves and also have them both during annual leaves.

Two are easier than one by the way. They entertain each other and leave me alone.

Yup, sounds familiar

Thank gods for this thread. I basically spend my day bouncing between DS (mess making fidget)and DD (currently ill and taking the Velcro activity to new levels). My only saving grace is that

A) DS loves anything electrical. So I can get him to play with the hoover whilst I clean up.
B)DD loves the sling. She is 19lb, so its becoming harder to run around after DS, but at least it burns the calories.

Cake to every one going through it.

I have a just turned 3 year old who likes to "help" with everything and is back in a phase of emptying every drawer and rifling the bin to use every empty box as a dolls boat / car/ bed etc. I also have a 3 month old who doesn't sleep during the day. At. All. So washing/sterilising/making bottles is number one priority along with keeping everyone in one piece and fed - anything else is an unexpected bonus!!