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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Meeting an old teacher for coffee?

80 replies

Flabbyghast · 23/12/2016 10:11

Would it be wrong to form a friendship with an old teacher and to meet for coffee?

We met up again at a school reunion last weekend (the first one I've been to ever) and she's given me her phone number. I seriously wouldn't be where I am today if it hadn't been for this woman. I've had no contact with her for 15 years as I moved from that school.

I wouldn't be asking - I totally would go and do it as I associate this woman with safety, security, strength. I bloody love her. I am so grateful she was part of an otherwise shitty childhood. However, my best friend thinks the whole thing is weird. She wanted me to rip up the phone number and says that it's not normal a teacher would give their phone number to an ex-pupil.

I get it's probably not the norm, but there's nothing wrong with it is there? It's coffee between two adults. AIBU to think my best friend is being a bit of a knob over this and needs to butt out?

OP posts:

Katy07 · 23/12/2016 11:41

I think it's a great idea. I'd love to be able to just email my old favourite teacher but she's now got dementia so I've left it too late to tell her how much I appreciated her teaching

Original poster

Flabbyghast · 23/12/2016 11:44

Katy07 Please e-mail her - she is likely to still remember her teaching days and it would be wonderful or her family to read.

OP posts:

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 23/12/2016 11:45

Not weird at all. When you end up working alongside people you taught...that IS bloody weird! One of my colleagues still calls me Miss.

Liiinoo · 23/12/2016 11:53

My DDs are in their 20s and are friends with some of their ex-teachers. Your friend is being odd.

ConvincingLiar · 23/12/2016 11:54

DH and I each see one of our favourite teachers from school socially very occasionally. It's fine. I can call Mrs D, H now, but he mostly sticks to Miss G with his.

user1472334322 · 23/12/2016 11:55

I'm a teacher and got on very well with one of the parents of 3 kids at my school. I taught the 2 boys when they were 7 (they're 18 and 14 now). I see them regularly because I'm friends with their mum. It's not strange at all, although the 14 year old still insists on calling me miss! They are lovely with my boys and my friend even looks after my younger one regularly. It's been 15 years for you, it's not strange at all. Go for it.

Goingtobeawesome · 23/12/2016 11:56

Your friend is an idiot and I'd make her say exactly why she thinks it is wrong and what she thinks might happen.

CatatonicLadybug · 23/12/2016 11:58

I'm a teacher and met a former student yesterday for coffee and Christmas cake! She calls me by my first name and everything.

Nevermind your friend- your teacher would love to hear from you, I'm sure. I wish I could have coffee with my favourite teacher from my youth!

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 23/12/2016 11:59

I'm friends on Facebook with some of my old teachers and have been to the theatre with them on occasion. I still can't call them Gill or Jan, it has to be Mrs O or Mrs B. It's not weird at all. I was also friendly with an old male teacher (now deceased) as my DH used to be his postman and got us back in touch.

Original poster

Flabbyghast · 23/12/2016 12:03

Goingtobeawesome Purely based on the fact she did a lot for me when I was younger. The teacher invested a lot of her time into me - including a lot of 1:1 time (making sure my homework was done, talking about behaviour and expectations, checking out safeguarding stuff, making sure I had eaten, when I was ill I would sleep on the couch in their small departmental staff area etc.). I totally get that not every kid got this, but BF doesn't seem to realise that not every kid needed it and it was done in my best interests.

It was also never "hidden" if you know what I mean - everyone knew it was happening.

OP posts:

lovelearning · 23/12/2016 13:12

I would imagine that few things would give a teacher more pleasure than to meet a former pupil 15 years on and see how well they had done and feel that they had helped in some small (or big) way to help the pupil achieve all that.

MatildaTheCat

anahata · 23/12/2016 13:15

I've done it for the exact same reasons as you. Best thing I've done. Go for it.

Spadequeen · 23/12/2016 13:15

Your friend is weird for thinking this is weird. Totally get why you would like to meet your old teacher. Ignore your 'friend' and have a great time.

PotteringAlong · 23/12/2016 13:16

One of my ex pupils is now a colleague! I've been out drinking with her! 15 years on, coffee is not weird at all.

AndShesGone · 23/12/2016 13:19

Dh is a teacher and has one of his childhood teachers work for him now. They're colleagues/friends/play in the same football team.

Since they're 40 and 46 how could that possibly be weird ?

MsAwesomeDragon · 23/12/2016 13:20

It's not weird, it's fine. She wants to see how you're doing, that's normal if she has fond memories of you. There are ex pupils of mine that I'd definitely like to catch up with if I saw them some I'd run and hide from

My sister became friends with one of her teachers and used to meet up for coffee/dinner a few times a year. She was a fantastic teacher and did a lot for my sis. Unfortunately, she died a few years ago, but her funeral was full of ex pupils as well as family and colleagues. She was a very popular lady.

phlebasconsidered · 23/12/2016 13:24

I'm a teacher and I'm friends with one of my old teachers. I'm 46 now and he has retired. I contacted him because he was amazing when I was at secondary. He was my form tutor and helped me through a lot. He didn't give up on me when family problems led to me being homeless. He helped me sort out a life, a grant, and was instrumental in my going to university, the first in my family to even take school exams.

After I had been teaching a while I too was form tutor to a "me" and all the effort that he put in really came flooding back to me, so I found him and told him. Now I am in regular fb contact and we meet for coffee / beer several times a year. I count him as a friend. He was overjoyed to hear from me.

Teachers don't teach for the pay. I am always truly happy to hear from any of my ex students.

CaraAspen · 23/12/2016 13:28

I'm a teacher (secondary school) and I wouldn't. I remember an inspirational teacher, too. Don't we all - if we're lucky...?

RhodaBorrocks · 23/12/2016 13:28

Some of my favourite former teachers and I met up when my DS as a baby so they could have cuddles with him. I'm in touch with a few on fb and bumped into one of them when out shopping this summer and stopped for a long chat with my DM and DSis too. I finished school 16 years ago.

There is nothing weird about it. Teachers often care very deeply about how their students do in life and they are a big part of our formative years. As an adult it's fine*.

*Not so fine was the former teacher of mine who was meeting up with their current students and is now in prison for grooming and child pornography.

SouthWestmom · 23/12/2016 13:28

My mum used to teach and one day recently I walked into her house and she was having a coffee with ALL my ex primary teachers , was the most freaky thing ever!

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 23/12/2016 13:29

I'm on friendly terms with some of my old teachers, and I have one of my own ex-students on facebook. I'd happily meet her for coffee in future! Nothing weird about it - we're all adults now.

Goingtobeawesome · 23/12/2016 13:30

. I don't understand your comment to me in relation to mine to you.

FWIW I think it's great your meeting up..

DimsieMaitland · 23/12/2016 13:33

My best friend is someone I met because she was taught by my mother in her teens (we are near contemporaries) and they stayed in touch after my friend went to university. She really loved my mum - held my hand at my mum's funeral, ran the Race for Life in her name, and has been a wonderful friend for 25 years. I would have missed all that if she'd felt unable to stay in touch with her old teacher. It's not weird at all. It's brilliant!

Lovewineandchocs · 23/12/2016 13:38

going I think the OP was answering your comment that she should make her friend say what the problem is-she is saying her friend's problem is the fact that this teacher went above and beyond for her when she was a pupil and took on an almost parental role-her friend thinks this is inappropriate and weird. Is that correct, OP?

Original poster

Flabbyghast · 23/12/2016 13:52

going, Yes what love said exactly. Sorry I didn't explain it very well.

Anyway, we are meeting up tomorrow morning. I'm stoked, and yes, I will treat her (can't remember who mentioned that). Thank you!

OP posts:

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