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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Meeting an old teacher for coffee?

80 replies

Flabbyghast · 23/12/2016 10:11

Would it be wrong to form a friendship with an old teacher and to meet for coffee?

We met up again at a school reunion last weekend (the first one I've been to ever) and she's given me her phone number. I seriously wouldn't be where I am today if it hadn't been for this woman. I've had no contact with her for 15 years as I moved from that school.

I wouldn't be asking - I totally would go and do it as I associate this woman with safety, security, strength. I bloody love her. I am so grateful she was part of an otherwise shitty childhood. However, my best friend thinks the whole thing is weird. She wanted me to rip up the phone number and says that it's not normal a teacher would give their phone number to an ex-pupil.

I get it's probably not the norm, but there's nothing wrong with it is there? It's coffee between two adults. AIBU to think my best friend is being a bit of a knob over this and needs to butt out?

OP posts:
WaxyBean · 23/12/2016 10:43

Meet her - she sounds wonderful. Fwiw I meet up with my year 1 and 2 teacher annually (she is now almost 90!), though I still can't call her by her first name!

WelliesAndPyjamas · 23/12/2016 10:44

Your friend is the weird one 😄

PeachBellini123 · 23/12/2016 10:44

I'm in touch with (gasp) a man who used to teach me! We got back in touch after meeting at a family wedding and he's become a good friend and mentor.

Yes it would be inappropriate if you were 14 but you're two grown adults. What does your friend think will happen?

user1471545174 · 23/12/2016 10:45

YANBU, OP.

GeorgiePeachie · 23/12/2016 10:46

It's TOTALLY fine.

I'm facebook friends with several of my teachers and tutors. Some of our old school teachers meet us for dinner if they're in the area, and we all keep in touch.

they're people. You're an adult. And they're people who you automatically respect and they respect what you have grown into. I love my teachers.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 23/12/2016 10:47

Your friend is weird. My dd left school last year is now at uni, one of her favourite teachers often comes to her city to see family, she meets for coffee. Grown woman and all that.

Girlwhowearsglasses · 23/12/2016 10:49

My reception class teacher sent a present when DS was born. I also chat on FB worh old art teacher (ironically I wasn't that keen on her at the time) and she is lovely.

My DF was a teacher and did VSO - he once met an ex pupil in the UK - and instantly recognised him - this man was now a math professor and had been 'the' child my dad hoped would have chance to fulfil his potential

zukiecat · 23/12/2016 10:52

Not at all weird

An old teacher of mine introduced me to his pagan group

He's a Druid and we regularly go walking to visit stone circles together

He also leads the pagan group I'm in, so I see him at moots and rituals too

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 23/12/2016 10:53

Not weird at all - I love seeing my old teachers and they always seem happy to have a catch up. I bumped into my old history teacher Christmas shopping the other year and we went for a coffee. A couple of them bought little presents when I had DS, which was lovely of them, and I send them Christmas cards. Agree it's very very hard to call them by their first names though!

sirfredfredgeorge · 23/12/2016 10:53

If it was your reception teacher, and you're 19, then that might be a little weird... Otherwise of course not!

Footle · 23/12/2016 10:58

Is your friend afraid that you're being groomed ? Tell her you're both grown ups now.

Gutted2016 · 23/12/2016 10:58

Er, I am married to a teacher from my old school. No crossover on dates, he started after I left and he is older than me. I am mid thirties now so haven't been taught by my old teachers in 15 years too but now I see them all regularly at the pub and other social gatherings.

Not weird at all. After all this time she is not a teacher to you. She is a friend. Meet her and enjoy it Smile

FrostyWind · 23/12/2016 11:05

I'm in touch with lots of ex-pupils. I get invited to weddings. It's lovely.

user1477282676 · 23/12/2016 11:09

I'd go! I have a few teachers who I'd love to meet again now I'm an adult.

SantaIsABastard · 23/12/2016 11:15

I meet with one of my dc ex teachers for coffee!

Your friend is the weird one!

Original poster
Flabbyghast · 23/12/2016 11:16

Footle Not sure if it's grooming she's on about, she just keeps banging on about it being inappropriate and mentioning something that happened ages ago that she refuses to see for what it is actually was and keeps dramatising it all. I think I just will avoid conversations regarding the teacher with her in the future.

Thanks for the reassurance - I've sent the text! I'm actually super excited about meeting up with her and chatting properly.

OP posts:
JacquelineChan · 23/12/2016 11:18

when i was about 25 i bumped into my old primary school teacher in M&S - and I called her 'Miss' ...eeeeek ! I was so embarrassed. I wish i had the opportunity to see her again and greet her as an adult would !

Noodledoodledoo · 23/12/2016 11:21

I would say it would be lovely. To the pp who said she would feel silly emailing her teacher - please do it. As a teacher I would love to hear from some of my old students and would never think they were silly.

My friend who still lives where I grew up has just sent me a text saying a mum of one of my mums old students had spoken to her at a church service on Sunday, and was full of praise for my mum as she really helped her son. It has really made me smile (and shed a little tear as my mum died 12 years ago)

MatildaTheCat · 23/12/2016 11:23

I would imagine that few things would give a teacher more pleasure than to meet a former pupil 15 years on and see how well they had done and feel that they had helped in some small (or big) way to help the pupil achieve all that.

Go for it. Your friend is weird. Remember the teacher will be different to how you remember her and her recollections will also be different but it would be great for you both.

Resideria · 23/12/2016 11:24

Your friend has issues.

Sparlklesilverglitter · 23/12/2016 11:25

The teacher was good to you in school. She hadn't seen you for 15 years and when she saw you she was probably proud of how you are now.

Your friend is the weird, tell your friend to find herself a grip.

Your 2 adults having a coffee, nothing wrong with that

JBJ · 23/12/2016 11:27

Not weird at all! I'm friends, on fb, with one of my old teachers from secondary school as he was a big part of my life for my school years and he's an amazing bloke. Bumped into him about 10 years ago (it's 22 years since I left school) and got on brilliantly with him as an adult so have kept in touch.

A big difference from my pervy old maths teacher who got in touch with me a week after my 16th birthday wanting to take me out. Now that was inappropriate :(

MrsMattBomer · 23/12/2016 11:34

Not at all.

I've been teaching long enough that my first pupils are in their 30s now so have kids of their own and I'm friends with them.

Equally I've been invited to a meal tonight with some students from about 6 years ago.

We're all adults so I don't see the problem really.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/12/2016 11:36

No, you are both adults, she's still a human being like anybody else, not an alien, enjoy!

MrsMattBomer · 23/12/2016 11:36

Although I admit it's hilarious when a 33 year old can't get out of the habit of calling me "Miss" Grin