to be annoyed at my mother's constant rewriting of history??

[harpsichordcarrier]

today's gem (when talking about my sister's dire financial situation) "well of course you were very lucky, me and your dad supported you through university."

WTF???? what the flipdeflippingdoodle is the woman talking about?????

not one brass farthing did I ask for or get from them while I was studying or EVER in fact.

I was so taken aback that I just went "mmmmm" and now I am furious.

please tell me it's trivial and a long time ago and I should not be so mean to an old lady as to disturb her rose tinted spectacles.

I think I'd be tempted to have gone "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?! No, you didn't! Do you have another daughter?!" and break into gales of laughter.

But inside I'd be seething.

of course this comes hot on the heels of last week's:

"of course we gave you every encouragement to go to university."

ah yes, every encouragement. that would include chucking me out of the house because I insisted on doing my A levels "just to annoy them..."

kick her in the fanjo

Isn't it odd, though, how things like this have the power to drive us to white-knuckled fury?

My dad made a remark recently that implied that I had ignored lots of advice from my mother about my DSs. I honestly can't think of any piece of straightforward advice that she's ever given me, let alone advice that I ignored. When DS1 was born I asked her for advice about routines and all that kind of thing and she just said she couldn't remember!

Anyway, I was absolutely furious about this remark, and I still brood on it.

sorry I need to get over myself a bit here.
this nearly twenty years ago
thanks hunker, good news on the house btw

LOL

Yes it's unreasonable, because you should be used to it by now.

My mum constantly tells me how I always had lots of friends, people always knocking on the door for me... yet I never remember having many. I had a best friend & that was about it. She also says that she told us all the important stuff when we were growing up... when in my recollection, it was my 3 elder sisters ranging from 11 to 9 years older than me, that talked to me about periods, babies etc.....

yes indeed caligula
I used to refer to this very phenomenon as my mother's Stalinist view of history
variants include:
me and your dad never had a cross word
of course you never wanted for anything as children

fff, your family sounds like mine. I have four older sisters, between 7-14 years older than me, and they did most of my parenting growing up. which was fine, actually

Yes you are being unreasonable, stop spoiling their fun. I do it myself already, I'll get really upset if anyone points it out to me and worse, expects me to tell the truth.

Oh yes HCC, I preferred it that way. Even now I look on my sisters as parental figures.

Oooh, there is nothing more infuriating than this! My mother used to come out with the most outrageous falsehoods out of the blue, like "I could count on one hand the number of times either of us smacked you kids!" (um, yes, if we were looking at one particular Sunday afternoon in 1983 perhaps...) or "You got those A-level results off the back of my hard work, they're mine" (from the woman who didn't send a single letter or come to a single parents' evening during my 5 years at boarding school)

I also used to swallow my tongue with rage while telling myself "well, they're getting on a bit now, no point rocking the boat".

Although in my case other factors intervened eventually.

But we will all do it.

Afternoon Cam, fancy seeing you on a thread like this

maybe I could start doing it to her:
ah mum, do remember how you used to lock us in the coal cellar and make us eat dog food when we were naughty? oh happy days

I could say the same to you, Greeny, but I'll resist

Think I'll start a thread titled "Cut the old people some slack"

What a marvellous idea. Off you pop then

Thought it was just my mum
She's also rolled out the 'we got you through uni' one (many times). No - I got a grant (remember them?) although I think they paid my coach fare home a couple of times...
And the smacking one. 'I only had to smack you a couple of times'. Then why do I remember being permanently scared I would be smacked and many occasions...?
I get worried about it sometimes tho'. Because she talks such rubbish so often, I wonder how much of the family history she's told us is true? She is the queen of embellishment and also tells my sister and me completely different versions of things

Ah, no, I'm far too young to start a thread like that

Hello Greensleeves. I thought I'd see you here.

Harpsi, I would have to say something. The books say you have to practise saying it non defensively. ie Rather than 'No, That's not true. You gave me sod all', say something like, 'Is that how you remember it? How odd because I remember it completely differently'.

Ha ha!
Really didn't know it was so common. MIL does it all the time - talks about anecdotes in DH's childhood and he's like 'wtf?... that never happened!'. She usually does it to make comparisons betweenDH and his brother and our 2 DS's.

She also makes up stuff that that my DS's have done - as if I'm not going to remember!!!
Yesterday she said - 'oh, do you remember when DS1 used to come and hug me when you told him off?' - NO - because it never happened

I call it selective alzheimers

My mun has done this for years. Fortunately I have 3 brothers to compare notes with and know they agree with my veriosn of how things were. FWIW when ds1 was tiny I asked for some photos of me when I was small to put in ds's room along with some we had of dh when he was a toddler. She sent photos of my youngest db. Even dh could tell it wasn't me.
I smile sweelty and swear never to do this to my poor children.

But you will.

quit speaking to them - saves the stress