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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if there are any careers you discourage your kids from doing?

350 replies

malificent7 · 22/12/2016 17:29

Dd told my dad and i that she wanted to work in Harrods when she grows up... she is 8!

My dad told her she shouldnt work in a shop. She also wants to be a model, pop star, vet... the usual.
My parents basically wanted us to be doctors and duscouraged anytjing else.
I rebelled and did teaching am now a TA.

Aibu to ask how much you want to influence your kids career decisions.

Also aibu to think there is nowt wrong with working in Harrods! Smile

OP posts:
G1raffePicnic · 26/12/2016 18:45

Wow new where was that? That doesn't sound great either!

Newbrummie · 26/12/2016 18:48

G1raffePicnic WA they've literally just or just about to introduce the NC

Newbrummie · 26/12/2016 18:49

I do wonder did schools used to employ more non teaching staff to do the admin, where now they've decided they need teachers to do it, similar things happened in nursing im told ....

lizzieoak · 26/12/2016 18:49

I find it so sad that so many kids nowadays want to pop stars & models.

I wouldn't want my kids to do dangerous work: the military, aid work in unsafe regions. If they were in low-paid work I'd worry they'd be stressed over money.

Of course I don't think I could stop them, but I'd worry. I figure my role is to give them information & recommend doing co-op courses and labour market research so they don't spend £ qualifying for jobs for which there is not much call.

BeetlebumShesAGun · 26/12/2016 19:00

DP and I have decided (although obviously it is subject to change!) that we won't discourage them from any specific career per se, but will encourage them to think carefully about their higher education options. I won't let them go to university to do a pointless course that has no specific end goal "just for the experience". Both of us are of the generation where Blair wanted everyone to go to uni and as such when we were 16 no teachers even made us aware there were other options. It was just you must get good GCSE's so you can get good A Levels so you can go to uni. No discussion of apprenticeships, learning a trade. We both went to uni not really knowing what we wanted to do and fucked it up, basically.

Now we are both in customer services/admin type roles which pay the bills but don't excite us. So I would like our DC to have a career that they enjoy, and think carefully about the best way to achieve that rather than following the crowd.

RichardBucket · 26/12/2016 19:05

There are few jobs I'd actively discourage (only anything in the sex industry, anything dangerous like armed forces). Instead, I'd push them to get an education that will keep doors open: good GCSEs and a few A levels in broad subjects like English, history, a science.

No kid in the world has ever said "I want to be a [my job]" and most people haven't heard of it. It's not exciting or impressive but very well paid, great prospects, always in demand, etc. It gives me the money to do what I really love, which is writing fiction: something that hardly anybody can make a living from. I feel very lucky to be in this position and would want my kids to enjoy the same.

expatinscotland · 26/12/2016 19:13

There are a great many jobs that are as dangerous as armed forces. Hmm

reallyanotherone · 26/12/2016 19:32

Overall, in 2015, the UK Regular Armed Forces were at a statistically significant lower risk of dying compared to the UK general population.

Source: www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/511812/20160331_UK_AF_Deaths_National_Statistic_2016-O.pdf

I also think young men are statistically more likely to die in a road accident in the uk than serving abroad.

lizzieoak · 26/12/2016 19:39

Nevertheless, the thought of one of my kids being shot at etc as part of their job is not something I'm up for. Given my kids, it's highly unlikely it would be something they'd do anyway.

I also said aid work in dangerous countries. Just abroad in danger zones really.

expatinscotland · 26/12/2016 19:47

Plenty of people work in countries abroad that many consider dangerous and they are not aid workers. Hmm I have a good friend who is a diplomat (he's ex Forces) and has a really distinguished career. Another, a retired headteacher, who worked in Africa with VSO for two years in a country not known for absolute stability. My father was a petroleum engineer, LOTS of people, himself included, worked or work abroad and coin it in doing so. It certainly set him up for a comfortable retirement. No place is safe. That's life.

expatinscotland · 26/12/2016 19:50

Serving in the Forces has opened a lot of doors for several friends of mine. And for my first cousin, who was totally aimless at 18, working in a petrol garage, uninterested in uni or college. It was the making of him. He's now an auto mechanic who enjoys his career and earns well. Still another also learned a skilled trade in the Navy, got out and went to uni having to work only part-time, no debts, able to buy a flat. Doing great now in his 50s, another engineer.

lizzieoak · 26/12/2016 19:52

Mmm, whatever. It is my personal preference that my kids not work in dangerous countries. Doesn't matter to me if lots of people survive it while people in the UK & Canada are being mown down right, left, & centre in car accidents.

The op's question was (paraphrasing) "what occupation would you prefer your kids not go into", not what passes expat's safety spreadsheet.

TheFairyCaravan · 26/12/2016 19:54

Nevertheless, the thought of one of my kids being shot at etc as part of their job is not something I'm up for.

If push comes to shove and it was something they really wanted to do, there's not a jot you can do to stop them once they've past their 18th birthday.

DH has served for 30 years. He's never been shot at and is never likely to be. There's a lot more to the Armed Forces than being on the front line.

expatinscotland · 26/12/2016 19:57

'not what passes expat's safety spreadsheet.'

Never said it was. Naivete is a silly thing, IMO. But hey, I don't put preferences on my kids. Not my life. I'd have been quite fucked off if my parents made their 'preferences' clear to me and tried to influence my decisions in life in such a fashion, smacks of manipulation to me, IMO.

Exactly, Fairy.

lizzieoak · 26/12/2016 20:08

I didn't say downthread that I didn't think I could stop them, that my job was to provide information & encourage co-ops (courses w job placements, not sure what they're called in Britain) & for them to do labour market surveys.

But I was also trying to answer the op's question as stated.

lizzieoak · 26/12/2016 20:09

Woops, "did say downthread", not "didn't". Damn you autocorrect.

expatinscotland · 26/12/2016 20:16

Jesus wept! Take it all personally then Hmm. Take a load off, it's Christmas. FFS.

Frazzled2207 · 26/12/2016 20:17

My parents (teachers) were adamant that I should do anything I wanted to do, except teach. That said, if I had really really wanted to do it (I never did) I doubt they would have stood in my way.

Given what I've read on these boards I would discourage teaching, law and medicine. And probably armed forces as well though I had an ex in the airforce (officer) and for him it was absolutely the best career for him. He's still there and loving it at 40, and gets to retire and (probably) become an airline pilot soon.

Bumbleclat · 26/12/2016 20:18

Anywhere where the government are stripping back resources then inspecting the shit out of them: NHS, teaching, mental health, police.
You can't ever get it right if you don't have the time or resources to do so and what used to be noble professions are now slandered by our right wing press. 😡😡

Doobydoo · 26/12/2016 20:19

I would rather they weren't in the armed forces, policemen or nurses.

Katymac · 26/12/2016 20:22

DD announced at the end of yr8 that she wanted to be a dancer in a west end show- I said yes dear

Over several years she persuaded me that she could be just as unemployed in what ever field she trained in - & why she shouldn't have fun for a few years before she did something sensible

Newbrummie · 26/12/2016 20:25

reallyanotherone I'm not being funny but the government would say that wouldn't they ?
I've known guys who've been in the army - cousin helicopter pilot, inadequately equipped when sent on missions or whatever they call them, soldiers who were screwed up tbh, navy man seemed to do ok out of it but I think he spent 8 years sunbathing in Cuba so not sure that counts.
Oil and gas can be very dangerous but at least it's lucrative, cousin left the army because the pay was shit frankly.

8DaysAWeek · 26/12/2016 20:37

Vet

Working hours not compatible with family life, public misconception of medical bills and veterinary limitations (no we don't have an in-house MRI scanner and if we did it would cost 4 figures for a scan), on call work, high suicide rates, compassion fatigue, low salary in comparison to equally highly trained careers... the reasons are endless.

Unless the British Vet Association starts doing something to change all of this in the next 20-30 years of course.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 26/12/2016 21:15

I think, rather than discouraging children from pursing particular careers, it's more important to provide them with a realistic picture of the pros and cons.

There is no perfect job. Every job has it's rubbish bits. But if you can earn a living from doing something you enjoy then life doesn't get a lot better than that.

soontobeamum1982 · 26/12/2016 21:16

Journalism. Thankless, underpaid and exploitative.

I want out into a more flexible line of work but really don't know what else to do because I still love the actual job - it's the working conditions that are totally shitty.