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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How can I get through visit with smelly relatives?

74 replies

Prompto · 21/12/2016 11:36

Some of DH's family are coming to visit for the day tomorrow, arriving shortly after breakfast and staying until after dinner. They absolutely adore the DC (even if they're not the most tolerant when it comes to the quirks and noise of young children) and I know they're really looking forward to their visit but - and I feel so mean/bitchy for saying this - they stink.

They chain-smoke and they don't wash often enough so it's a horrible mingled smell of fags, bad breath and stale BO. They're not elderly or incapacitated in anyway, they simply don't seem to notice or mind that they smell. DH won't say anything because he says they'd be mortified and then he'd feel bad and I would too, plus how awkward would the day then be?

Usually I can tolerate it but this is a longer visit than normal. To complicate it further I'm pregnant and have HG so my sense of smell is off the charts and any strong whiff sets me off vomiting. How am I going to get through this visit?

OP posts:

Benedikte2 · 21/12/2016 23:06

Get one of those battery powered air freshener sand set it on high to spray every 10 minutes. Very effective and not as obvious as spraying the room yourself

MuppetsChristmasCarol · 21/12/2016 23:22

God, last year on Christmas Day while pregnant with HG I was upstairs trying not to vomit/cry with a window open next to me, while DH ate salad downstairs on his own because I couldn't cope with the smell of any food cooking in the house. The anti-emetics I was on made me so incredibly drowsy and I was dehydrated and so felt faint and dizzy every time I stood up.

I'd say you're not up for guests this year! Host them next year when you've had more time to think of an action plan.

Doobigetta · 21/12/2016 23:27

OP, olbas oil isn't safe in pregnancy- don't risk that.

clumsyduck · 21/12/2016 23:35

Another vote for faking a cold and slathering self and tissues in Vicks !!

Pipachi · 22/12/2016 01:17

I second a long walk and pub lunch. If a walk is too much for you, send your DH and meet them for lunch. Then have a lie down. Why should you suffer?

It is unacceptable how they present themselves. You are not mean at all. I feel for you.

ThisThingCalledLife · 22/12/2016 03:20

i couldn't put up with that, it's disgustingly rude of them to impose their lack of hygiene on you like that.

i would have to say something. yea, i know it's considered rude/insensitive etc but it's better than enabling them.

Just pretend you're at work and are having this conversation with a colleague - who you hardly ever see but this issue is affecting the environment for others.

I hope you got them soapy stuff and deodrant for xmas presents?

selfmade777 · 22/12/2016 03:30

There is something a little bit precious and divisive about this. Are you sure you just do not like them? You are potentially putting your partner in a difficult position. Just get on with it.

Caper86 · 22/12/2016 03:49

I had HG and couldn't set foot in the kitchen because i could smell food in the fridge and that would set me off! Tell them you're sick and they can't come.

Bumbleclat · 22/12/2016 04:35

YANBU
Ifucking hate bad smells and with HG it was even worse (I had an upholstery cleaning man come out to get the smell of my lovely clean DH off the furniture!)

It is so awful when grown people haven't learnt personal hygiene habits and in many ways even though I'm quite a soft person, I think they deserve to know how bad they smell.

Who cares if they're mortified it's SO very rude and anti social to go around smelling so bad. I have a good friend who I don't really hug or visit any more because their house smells of stale fags, now vie and the cat is always on the chopping board licking its own arse, when my DH gets home from their house I can tell where he's been and I can't get near him unless he showers.

Pregnancy does make you more sensitive but it's still gross and if I were you, I'd just pull a huge D&V sickie on the whole time and tell them that they can't come OR... OR... tell them they smell then you might never have to see them again.

LagunaBubbles · 22/12/2016 04:43

Selfmade there is nothing "precious and divisive" at all about being unable to bear people who smell, Im not pregnant and can't tolerate this without heaving so it must be 10 times worse for the OP. It's one of the worst smells in the world to me and if it was people I knew I would have to think of some way of telling them. It's very rarely down to anything physical, much more common to be very poor personal hygiene and smelly clothes.

AliceThrewTheFookingGlass · 22/12/2016 05:04

OP you have my sympathy. I too have an extremely stinky relative. He's a good lad with a good heart and I love him to bits but my god you can smell him coming down the street before you can see him. He doesn't smoke, he just doesn't wash himself or his clothes and the smell he emits is horrendous. I didn't even entertain the idea of being in his company when I had HG. The smell of my own beautiful smelling toddler had me running for the sick bucket so I would have had no chance of avoiding being sick by being near him.

Can you not cancel it?

ClarissaDarling · 22/12/2016 06:45

I'm guessing those who are calling the OP and others "precious" for not wanting to be around smells that trigger her HG have ever experienced the levels ️of vomiting and subsequent weakness that these smells could trigger. I suffered my entire pregnancy with regular admissions to be put on a drip due to HG. And if I could have done ANYTHING to avoid something that kicked a bout of vomiting off I would have!

KenDoddsDadsDog · 22/12/2016 06:48

HG is horrendous . Even nice smells make you throw up. Hope it passes soon.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 22/12/2016 06:54

Vicks under your nose!

Littlewoo · 22/12/2016 06:55

OP you have my sympathies. Glad the Vicks is working, wish I'd had some yesterday when we got an unexpected visit from 3 smelly relatives. It's an unwashed smell mingled with cigarette smoke.
As soon as they left I had the windows open and was spraying the surfaces.
Thought I'd managed to de honk the room until I sat on the sofa where one of them had been sitting.
Overwhelming smell of shit, I think they must have had an accident and pooed their pants. Leapt up and stripped the sofa covers and put them in the wash.
Normally I put a throw on the sofa if I know they're coming, unfortunately yesterday was a 'surprise' visit.

Only1scoop · 22/12/2016 07:05

I couldn't have had visitors like that during my HG pregnancy.stay in bed

ClarissaDarling · 22/12/2016 07:08

I'd either change venue or stay in bed- you don't want to kick off about that will floor you over christmas. I could weep for you remembering how bad I was!y christmas dinner last year was Haribo and ice pops!

PosiePootlePerkins · 22/12/2016 07:12

selfmade just get on with it? Are you serious? I take it you've never had morning sickness, let alone HG, quite frankly I think OP is heroic having them anywhere near her house!

DeepanKrispanEven · 22/12/2016 07:25

Your DH does need to say something about this, for their own sakes - not before Christmas as it'll spoil it for them, but certainly afterwards. Because there will come a time when your children demand to know loudly, in their presence, why Granny and Grandpa smell so bad.

Original poster

Prompto · 22/12/2016 19:47

There is something a little bit precious and divisive about this. Are you sure you just do not like them? You are potentially putting your partner in a difficult position. Just get on with it.

Vomiting multiple times a day with a condition where even NOISES can trigger off my gag reflex. Yeah. I'll just suck it up and crack on with normal life instead dog being so precious

I like these relatives. They might be whiffy but they're kind and funny and they make time for the DC (and DH and I). The fact they smell bad is shitty, laziness even because a simple daily shower would help with at least some of it, but it doesn't make them bad people.

Thanks to everyone for the constructive advice. I used a little dab of vicks and had a lie down after lunch while DH took everyone to the park for an hour then they ended up leaving slightly earlier than planned because the traffic had been bad coming here so they wanted to beat it going back.

I agree that something will need to be said but that's a worry for another day!

OP posts:

SquinkiesRule · 22/12/2016 20:33

Vicks under your nose works a treat, I've used that trick more than once when I was a district nurse. You get to dismiss it as your have a stuffy head if anyone questions it.

ForalltheSaints · 22/12/2016 20:47

I think that next time say something beforehand. i am sure you are relieved that it is all over.

SingaSong12 · 22/12/2016 20:49

You could cancel on the basis that you have severe morning sickness (I know HG is altogether a different level but almost everyone has heard of it) or say you have HG and that you are finding it hard having visitors at all and are particularly bad at the moment. This is true as youve said that lots of things are problematic. Then I agree with PP about talking to them.

NotEnoughTime · 22/12/2016 21:20

I feel just reading this-obviously I mean sick not envious.

There is NO WAY I could have these people in my house. If you wanted to meet them in a restaurant then you are a better woman than me fair enough.

Best of luck whatever you decide.

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