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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed? What would you do?

78 replies

craftwhore · 20/12/2016 13:49

DC have been not themselves at all the last couple of days, temperatures on and off, lots of unhappiness. They're in nursery today and I just rang up to see how they are before their naps, in case I need to book a doctor's appointment and juggle with work. Got through to one of the usual ladies in the office - for context, I see her almost every day we're there, always say hello, thank her politely for anything she does, etc. I.e. I don't see there's been anything off with my behaviour.

"Hi OfficeLady, it's craftwhore, DCs' mum. Just wondering how they're doing today, can I speak to someone please?"

OfficeLady put me through to their room, I guess I wasn't supposed to hear the part just before I was put through where someone said in a really mocking tone "hi OfficeLady, it's DCs' mum". I don't know for sure if that was OfficeLady or if there was someone else there too, as I wouldn't recognise her mocking voice...!

At first I thought it was some kind of echo but it was way too late for that and those weren't the exact words I said. I feel kind of humiliated and really pissed off - am I not supposed to ring and ask about my children? (Nursery are always encouraging of ringing for any reason) Am i not supposed to be polite and use people's names? What on earth does whoever it was think there is to take the piss out of? What would you do?

They've always been friendly and I've always felt welcome up to now, but now it feels somewhat different! And I don't want that sort of attitude around my DC tbqf. (Although she's not a key worker.) I don't really want to do nothing and let it slide. It's not a big deal, it's a first world problem etc. but I fail to see how it could be construed in a positive way! AIBU, WWYD??

OP posts:

TWOBANANAS · 21/12/2016 07:22

I agree with the others, if they're not ill or unwell enough to not go to nursery they DO NOT need a drs appointment. However if they are ill enough to require a drs appointment then you've probably made a few other kids at the nursery ill enough for this too.

SVJAA · 21/12/2016 07:30

JoyfulAndTriumphant or norovirus never mind the kids who got sick because she couldn't be arsed taking the day off, the wee one who ended up in hospital. Clearly it's me being unreasonable eh?

Squiff85 · 21/12/2016 07:32

I agree with Owlina, OP you've done nothing wrong. Doesn't sound like the kids were ill, just not themselves, a little under the weather.

YANBU!

HerChristmasFattyness · 21/12/2016 07:40

A little under the weather is very different to a temperature and possible doctors appointment.

AndShesGone · 21/12/2016 07:42

Your response OP has made me laugh like a drain

Thanks for that, has right cheered me.

JoyfulAndTriumphant · 21/12/2016 07:43

I don't think anyone is advocating sending your kid to nursery with norovirus.

I wouldn't send for vomiting or diarrhoea. A minor cough or a cold, slight temperature, yes I would.

SVJAA · 21/12/2016 07:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

jelly10 · 21/12/2016 07:57

OP love your response!! You've done nothing wrong, if children were kept off nursery/school every time they were a bit off colour they'd never be in! And it's completely normal to want to call and check it doesn't seem to be developing into something more, especially when they're still nursery age.

I'd be annoyed with officelady too. To be honest it's not a big deal in the scheme of things: maybe she was having an off day, maybe you were the 20th parent to call that day and she needed to get some work done, maybe it was an in-joke... not saying any of those make it ok but I think we've all done things like that and thought better of it afterwards. If it was me I'd try to tell myself not to get worked up about this sort of thing (which I do find hard!) Ultimately though, I'm finding that managing to be more breezy about this kind of thing does make life less stressful.

JoyfulAndTriumphant · 21/12/2016 07:59

Where have you said norovirus before? Are we supposed to be able to read your mind?

You implied it simply by your use of the term "working mum". The tone was clearly judgemental and smug, it was said with disdain. the implication was clearly "she's working therefore it's clearly too inconvenient for her to keep her child at home, not like me..." - no need to state she was a "working mum" otherwise.

Your final sentence simply emphasises to me that you have no idea about the realities of trying to work and parent. I know your type.

SVJAA · 21/12/2016 08:05

I don't know what post you were reading, but I am neither judgemental nor smug about being SAHM. In fact I'm training to be able to go back to work. The reason I used the term working mum is because she is. The fact she's a dick is nothing to do with that. There are parents working and not working who are selfish arseholes and will send their kids to nursery/school irrespective of whether they're fit to go or not.
So you crack on with your "I know your type" pish. Because that's what it is, pish. My type is the type who wouldn't send my kid contagious into nursery to infect other kids and their families, because I'm fully aware that my needs don't trump everyone else's. You want to talk about a type? Have a look at your own attitude.

JoyfulAndTriumphant · 21/12/2016 08:07

Perhaps your view will change when you go back to work. I assure you, unless you have a particularly rare type of boss, or a willing grandparent on hand, you'll soon become someone who assesses whether or not your sick child is well enough to go to nursery.

It doesn't feel good.

SVJAA · 21/12/2016 08:12

You can assure me nothing, you talk about me being smug? You know what doesn't feel good? Watching my child burning up, vomiting, in distress and really ill because someone decided their needs were more important. I'm sure DSs friends's mum whose baby was hospitalised with the same thing isn't feeling too good right now either, since her daughter is gravely ill. But that's ok eh, because one person has the right to do that to numerous others if they can't get a day off. For the record I don't have anyone locally who can have my kids, we forgo luxuries and holidays to be able to have me at home. So don't take your snotty tone with me, because I couldn't give a shiny shite what is happening to someone else, they do not have the right to put children at risk of a serious illness because it doesn't suit them.

JoyfulAndTriumphant · 21/12/2016 08:15

Well I can't advocate someone sending their child to nursery with a vomiting bug. I wouldn't do that and I'm sorry that's happening to your child, and to your friends child. That sound horrible.

But the fact remains that when you're working, it is, in most cases, simply not possible to keep your kid at home for every cough or cold. It's not. You'd lose your job otherwise.

SVJAA · 21/12/2016 08:15

Anyway, I don't want to hijack the original thread any further and I really CBA with being patronised and talked down to by someone projecting their own issues onto me. Merry Christmas all, hope nobody is selfish enough to inflict a major bug on your families before Sunday.

Sirzy · 21/12/2016 08:16

That's true joyful BUT if you think a child is ill enough to need a GP visit then they shouldn't be in.

The op seems to have two different versions of how ill they are so it's hard to tell in her case!

Unicornsarelovely · 21/12/2016 08:17

Do parents have the 'right'to send grumpy teething children to nursery or should they be kept off for that too?

JoyfulAndTriumphant · 21/12/2016 08:18

That's fair Sirzy. From the sounds of it it's more likely to be a waste of her GPS time than too sick for nursery though.

PberryT · 21/12/2016 08:21

Agree joyful. Sounds a lot like this OP would be wasting her GPs time.

Funny how she hasn't addressed this point in her reply.

Honeydragon · 21/12/2016 08:31

Surely it's case of the op checking whether they are still teething/grumpy/not right.

She's not with them to make a judgement and if nursery say they're going down hill, come and collect them, then it's prudent to get them seen if possible as a non emergency appointment, rather than when the weekend and long bank holiday hits?

I worked in a nursery and with wee ones it is hard to tell sometimes if they are teething/tired/cold or getting proper poorly.

I had want parent cry she was so mortified she had sent her dc in who then later vomited all over me....not her fault. She sent her in clingy and snotty, but by lunch time she had a fever and was white as a sheet.

It's a shitty time of year as a working parent because of your kids seed I'll they assume you are trying to get time off as it's Christmas.

Sadly it's not an ideal world.

Regardless of opinions over sick children, how many times the op calls the nursery, or what the op is like as a person the Nursery worker who answered the phone WAS IN THE WRONG.

Honeydragon · 21/12/2016 08:32

If your kids are ill.

MarjorieSimpson · 21/12/2016 08:35

Well I read that as:
The dcs were a bit off but certainly NOT at the level that they might need to be off or needing to see the GP.
However, I do know that children can go downhill quickly and what was looking like nothing can become a big issue.
So I wanted to check on my dcs, see how they were and maybe booking an appointment with the GP IF NECESARRY.

All in all, yes the answer of the woman on the phone was rude.
No it's normal to double check if you have some doubt, esp when they are little.
However, I do think you need to relax a bit. Moving from being slightly unwell from teething to needing a GP appointment is a big step and there was probably no need for you to worry that much.
Also, if I'm honest, I would have expected the nursery to contact me if they were that unwell that they needed a GP visit. I used to tell the nursery staff if one of the dcs was a bit of colour (e.g. Teething, bad night of sleep) and to let me know if it is becoming worse. I wouldn't have felt the need to ring because I trusted them to call me if needed?

JoyfulAndTriumphant · 21/12/2016 08:47

Marjorie I've had to have a chat with our nursery about this.

They are generally wonderful, but they tend not to call you if your child is unwell unless they vomit or their temperatures goes through the roof. They think they're doing you a favour by only telling you if they really feel you need to come and collect your child. It is appreciated but I'd prefer to make that call myself, and I asked them to tell me in future.

Honeydragon · 21/12/2016 09:17

True Joyful. A good nursery do genuinely care about the DC so if it's something that calpol (if parental consent has previously been granted) and a quiet cuddle and a story will fix we probably wouldn't call unless asked.

Thirtyrock39 · 21/12/2016 09:28

This is why I would always use a childminder over a nursery. You have a respectful positive one to one relationship no having to be put on hold or whatever. And nurseries are known for spreading germs probs because number of kids plus likely that parents will have to take kids there when a bit poorly as it is really hard taking time off with kids when ill.

rightsofwomen · 21/12/2016 09:37

The nursery my boys went to took kids with temps - they'd never have any kids in otherwise!

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