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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed? What would you do?

78 replies

craftwhore · 20/12/2016 13:49

DC have been not themselves at all the last couple of days, temperatures on and off, lots of unhappiness. They're in nursery today and I just rang up to see how they are before their naps, in case I need to book a doctor's appointment and juggle with work. Got through to one of the usual ladies in the office - for context, I see her almost every day we're there, always say hello, thank her politely for anything she does, etc. I.e. I don't see there's been anything off with my behaviour.

"Hi OfficeLady, it's craftwhore, DCs' mum. Just wondering how they're doing today, can I speak to someone please?"

OfficeLady put me through to their room, I guess I wasn't supposed to hear the part just before I was put through where someone said in a really mocking tone "hi OfficeLady, it's DCs' mum". I don't know for sure if that was OfficeLady or if there was someone else there too, as I wouldn't recognise her mocking voice...!

At first I thought it was some kind of echo but it was way too late for that and those weren't the exact words I said. I feel kind of humiliated and really pissed off - am I not supposed to ring and ask about my children? (Nursery are always encouraging of ringing for any reason) Am i not supposed to be polite and use people's names? What on earth does whoever it was think there is to take the piss out of? What would you do?

They've always been friendly and I've always felt welcome up to now, but now it feels somewhat different! And I don't want that sort of attitude around my DC tbqf. (Although she's not a key worker.) I don't really want to do nothing and let it slide. It's not a big deal, it's a first world problem etc. but I fail to see how it could be construed in a positive way! AIBU, WWYD??

OP posts:

DixieWishbone · 20/12/2016 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YorkiesGlasses · 20/12/2016 15:29

This happened to me before. It was supposed to be my son's first day at a nursery but he was being sick and couldn't go in. When I called to let them know there must have been a 'mute' fail and I could clearly hear them mocking me. So I hung up and found a new nursery. How are you supposed to trust people who act like that?

In your situation I'd just be cold enough that she would know that I know... But I also wouldn't bother making a formal complaint. I'd be satisfied with a 'You know what you did' attitude. If you're good enough at it you'll start to see her scurry into the back room every time she sees you coming!

SnotGoblin · 20/12/2016 15:34

I'm fairly direct so I'd say something like 'you have to be careful when transferring calls because sometimes the parent on the other can hear you...' or something like that. Making sure she knew you heard her mocking you and then be brusquely courteous to her from then on. If she claims she doesn't know what you're talking about then do the 'oh, it must have been someone else but I overheard a mocking tone when I phoned to check on my kids this morning. In all fairness, it might not have been you...'

lovelearning · 20/12/2016 15:37

I feel kind of humiliated and really pissed off

Office lady (and co) sound as common as muck.

Why do you care what they say?

DC have been not themselves at all the last couple of days, temperatures on and off, lots of unhappiness. They're in nursery today

craftwhore, when your children are ill, kindly keep them at home.

lalalemon · 20/12/2016 15:38

I'm sure the other parents will love you when their kids are ill over Chirstmas because you couldn't be bothered to keep your ill kids at home!

OwlinaTree · 20/12/2016 16:32

I'm sure the other parents will love you when their kids are ill over Chirstmas because you couldn't be bothered to keep your ill kids at home!

Op was at work. It may not have been possible.

OwlinaTree · 20/12/2016 16:33

They probably got the cold from nursery anyway!

JustSpeakSense · 20/12/2016 16:49

I would be very annoyed too, however, I would probably not say anything because that would make you look like a knob.

I'd be wary of bitchy receptionist in the future though, and I wouldn't be giving them any Christmas biscuits

lalalemon · 20/12/2016 16:55

But Owlina, if they're that ill they need a doctors appointment, they shouldn't be at nursery and OP should have made alternative arrangements for their care today.
Nurseries aren't geared up for and don't have the child to staff ratios for caring for ill children. And of course it's not fair to subject the other children and staff to their germs especially so close to Christmas!

OwlinaTree · 20/12/2016 17:00

She didn't say they definitely needed the doctors in the morning though. She was ringing to see how they were and if they had got worse in the day.

SpookyPotato · 20/12/2016 17:09

Agree they probably shouldn't have been in nursery, but that's absolutely no excuse for mocking you, it's really unprofessional. It's not nice when you think you're doing everything right and then someone still takes the piss.. Just put it down to her not being a very nice person.

TheWitTank · 20/12/2016 17:42

I would have to say something. You haven't asked for anything unreasonable. I would have called her back and asked what she meant -it was unprofessional and rude.

WheresTheEvidence · 20/12/2016 17:49

To be honest. I used to be a nursery nurse and we had 1 mum who called twice a day every day to speak about their child. We are busy enough changing/feeding 14 babies tidying up and doing paperwork. Unless it's urgent we don't have the time to be fielding phone calls throughout the day. Imagine if all 28 parents did it! :I

But Yanbu it's not professional of the staff member.

RichardBucket · 20/12/2016 18:27

You call a lot, don't you?

Ohdearducks · 20/12/2016 18:39

If they shouldn't be in nursery the nursery should refuse to take them at drop off or call the parent to collect them if they become unwell during the day, they have a duty of care not to allow infection to spread, it's in the statutory framework.
It's rude and unprofessional to mock or mimic parents for any reason, it damages the partnership between the parent and nursery and causes mistrust and doubt on the parent's side. Make it clear you heard what was said and want an explanation, although it really doesn't matter why, it shouldn't have happened full stop.

Ohdearducks · 20/12/2016 18:42

Oh and we welcome calls from parents at our nursery, you have a right to check on your child and a quick message can be relayed via the office. I don't think you've done anything wrong, we see it as part of our job and a tool in building good relationships with parents.

SnatchedPencil · 20/12/2016 18:45

It just sounds like everyday office banter. You weren't meant to hear it, but occasionally this sort of thing slips through. I work in an office where the phones are constantly going, not a day goes by where I don't hear someone "doing" a "comedy" voice or something like that. It's not meant as an insult to the customer at all - it's usually an ongoing joke between colleagues which is not based on the particular individual who happens to be calling.

It may also just be explainable by simple human nature - it is in our nature to mimic, not to offend, but because by mimicking another person's habits we subconsciously seek to bond with them. Take a bus and sit near the front. Most people thank the driver, whether by saying "thanks" or "cheers mate" or "have a good day". The driver (unless he's a grumpy silent one) is much more likely to respond with the exact same words that the passenger used than choose a different reply. It is instinct, mimicking the other person to show common ground with them.

Either that or the woman on the phone was just a bitch.

On a side note, have you ever muttered something to yourself while on hold? Guess what, if the phonecall is being recorded then whatever you say whilst on hold is being recorded too! I used to have to audit phonecall recordings for "quality and training purposes" (yes, companies actually do use them for this). The number of abusive comments customers made about staff while they thought they were just on hold, or their singing, swearing at kids, making racist remarks, etc, was quite shocking. Also fun to listen to, it alleviated the boredom of the job. I mention this because perhaps you have said something in the past, while you thought you were on hold, which has upset this woman? Just a suggestion, maybe it was completely unrelated to her. But from experience I know that people tend to mutter things to themselves when they are frustrated by being on hold. That doesn't excuse rudeness of course, if that is what she intended.

SapphireStrange · 20/12/2016 18:46

it's usually an ongoing joke between colleagues which is not based on the particular individual who happens to be calling.

I think in this case it's pretty clear that it WAS based on the OP, though.

SVJAA · 20/12/2016 18:48

Having had to collect my poorly DD from nursery today (fine this morning, and 17 had to be sent home today) to be confronted by a working mum who sent her kid, knowing they were poorly because she didn't want to take time off I'd say YABU. Sending kids who are poorly and have a temp to nursery is a dick move, potentially infecting who knows how many people (small babies, pregnant women, family members with compromised immunity) so I don't blame the office lady for being sarky at all. If you want to know how your kids are when they're sick, stay with them.

Lndnmummy · 20/12/2016 18:50

I would be pissed off and say oh office lady and manager could i just have two minutes of your time please? Then say to them both "i just want you both to know that i called today and I heard I was being mimicked when you put my call through. Im going to have to have a think about what that means for our future here with you guys as it is not only deeply unprofessional but has made me me question my trust in your intergrity. Anyway, i kuat wanted you to know that i heard you. I will let you know if I decide to raise a formal complaint or withdraw the children.

SnatchedPencil · 20/12/2016 18:54

I think in this case it's pretty clear that it WAS based on the OP, though.

It was perceived as being like that. It doesn't automatically mean it was meant that way. I'm not saying it wasn't, maybe it was. Hence my point that perhaps the woman on the phone was just a bitch.

It's impossible to tell for sure what the worker's intentions were. The OP is better placed than us to know, because she knows what she heard and has made a judgement that it was probably meant to be insulting. Maybe it was, perhaps not - the only person who knows for sure is the worker themselves.

The only absolute certainty is that the OP feels upset by it, which is fair enough based on the evidence offered.

Sassypants82 · 20/12/2016 19:02

OP, I would definitely not keep my DS off nursery for a temp that was coming & going, I would do exactly what you did & ring to see how he was during the day so ignore all the negative feedback from those up thread, perhaps they're Joba are easier to keep than ours. (as if we don't feel shitty enough having to do it)

As to your actual question, I think I would politely call her out on her behavior. Not acceptable or professional & I couldn't let it go. I do understand however the fear of it somehow being reflected on your DC. Guess in this scenario it's less likely as she's not working directly with the kids.

SapphireStrange · 20/12/2016 19:16

Snatched, the words in the mocking voice included the OP's name. How likely is it that the voice and the sentiments were NOT aimed at her?

Original poster

craftwhore · 21/12/2016 07:03

They weren't really poorly, I don't think. They only had a few spots all over, and some of those black bubonic lumps under their skin. Actually, I think one of their limbs might have fallen off on the way into nursery, maybe two, but I didn't really look tbh, because I'm quite a shit mum... I'm sure whatever fell off will still be there outside the door when I go to collect them. Anyway, I can ask if anything got left behind in one of my ten daily phonecalls.

Sure I said temperature meaning warmer than usual when I didn't really think about what I was writing and there's no edit function They were a bit more clingy, warmer than usual although not a technical medical temperature (sorry to disappoint the judgypants amongst you, lol) a bit dribbly and very chewy. Sounds like teeth to me. Even so, I rang up nursery to check how they were doing, just on the off chance that something else was developing, you know, in case I don't know it all and because their wellbeing is my responsibility.

Is it possible to tar and feather myself for my shit mum sins whilst simultaneously not giving a flying fuck about so many people's apparently deathly urgent need to judge? Sure but if it warms your little hearts, I can try.

To those of you with genuine answers, thanks, much appreciated :) I wasn't able to say anything at the time as it was only a couple of seconds and by the time I'd realised, I had already been transferred. Yeah, it does make me feel like there is less trust there now and I will be addressing it.

OP posts:

JoyfulAndTriumphant · 21/12/2016 07:16

Not...not a working mum

She must be a really selfish individual, that working mum. Working to pay her mortgage like that. Bitch. Obviously she put her poorly kid in the nursery because she doesn't care about them. Not like you care about your kids, oh no.

Not because it's not as fucking simple as "arranging alternative childcare" for every cough or cold or iffy temperature.

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