To hate that my mum writes a paragraph about me, gives personal details and sends to hundreds of people that she hasn't seen in years

[jdoe8]

She's told them all about a medical issue I had earlier in the year (that I haven't told many of my friends about) and she's said the company and job that I started this year and the name of the place I've moved to.

I'm really very private. AIBU to not like this at all? She never sends the text for me to approve.

I've only found out this year what she sent as I had a family member send me a card and comment on it.

I've repeatedly asked her to not be so personal but she never listens, one year she gave away a client name that I was on a secret project with and it could of lost me my job. She goes on about "it's a private letter to her friends" and imply s it's not my business. But I dont see it as a private letter as its something she prints the same to hundreds of people, many of whom the only contact each year is a card.

Say nothing, just don't tell her anything that you wouldn't want strangers to know. I'm pretty much this way with my dad these days as he's a terrible gossip...

It's almost an ownership this. You belong to your mother and so she owned your news. I had a sit down with mine and told her if she didn't cease and desist I wouldn't tell her anything personal. She didn't and embellished a medical information to make it juicy (about why SHE thought I couldn't have more children). I don't talk to her about anything remotely personal and correct people when they regurgitate her nonsense.

We've had similar with my PIL. Not a round robin though - they'll go to a pub for a drink and chat to the staff, but they then think that the staff in the pub are their new best friends, and tell them everything.

A few years ago, we called into a pub for a quick meal, not knowing that PIL were already there for a drink. PIL were thrilled and called over the staff, telling them, "Oh this is Tokelau, just got that new job in blah blah blah, like I was telling you, this is Mr Tokelau, just had the nasty mole removed, like I was telling you, show them the scar, Mr Tokelau, etc." I don't like the thought of them talking all about us to people we don't know! Or even if it is someone we do know, it's a real invasion of privacy.

Unfortunately my PILs do this. They are very kind, just too trusting and open and have that obsession with sharing bad news and health problems. I never tell FIL anything about my work since they broadcasted a locally sensitive project I was working on.

Then another year I had to hide the letter from our DC who are adopted, and having some issues, as it said they were struggling with problems inherited from their family of origin or words to that effect. Very private, insensitive, and incorrect! I mean what it is for them to pick up grandma's letter and all they read about themselves is something so negative. We can't hide everything as we actually rely on them for support too.

I'm glad it's not just me. The pre-approved text sent in November is an ace idea

Just WTF NotMe. That is terrible about your DCs being spoken about like that.

You have my sympathies OP. 🌺 I have had something similar but with my MIL. She disclosed to family I had met only once very personal medical information which I specifically asked her to keep to herself in a face to face conversation. There could not have been any misunderstanding. The only reason she knew anything about it is because my husband got excited and spilled the beans to my dismay. MIL has form. When I found out, bith DH and I very angry and DH spoke to his mother as she clearly hadn't listened to me on previous occasions. I now don't share anything and my husband also knows to keep things close to the vest. Great shame really as I would love to trust enough to be able to confide. That is life though.

I've just had my mums round Robin. we moved house earlier this year and from her description you'd think we were in a massive mansion!! think people are going to be very disappointed when they visit

I now also tell my mother off, and really spell it out if she passes on a piece of what she sees as juicy gossip about some distant acquaintance's health. She has a friend whose daughter I was friends with when we were kids - let's call her Jane. Played round each other's houses, mututal babysitting by our parents...but didn't stay in touch as adults. One day I was talking to my mum and she said all eager "Ooh, did I tell you, Jane found a lump in her breast, but it's OK, she's fine". I really lost patience with her after that - on what planet is that any of my business, I demanded. She professed to be completely bewildered, and made out how I was the odd one for thinking this was out of order. It was her gossippy tone as she said it - yuck

"I've repeatedly asked her to not be so personal but she never listens"
Well, as strategies go, that one is obviously not working. So for me there would be two choices:

1. Tell her nothing. Ever. Have 'tell her nothing' written on a card in your purse that you take out and place in front of you whenever you are with her to remind yourself to Tell Her Nothing.
2. Explode. Read her the riot act , tell her that she is making you so angry and that it would be nice to be able to trust your own mother. Make her feel really really bad.

Neither is good .

Don't know why the Christmas Round Robin brings out the urge to provide detailed medical reports to all and sundry. We've had a bumper crop this year, the highlight (or low point, depending on your point of view) being a blow-by-blow account of the natural and not unexpected death of the aged mother of one of our correspondents. WTF.

I had cancer. My DM made it all about her, and how upset she was, and told every single person she'd ever met.

It didn’t occur to me she'd do that so I didn't specify that she shouldn't, but I was so angry.

She rang me a good 2 years or so after the dx to check what sort of cancer it was. Told her (again). Stunned silence, then she said but people DIE from that! You don't say, mother.

Ewan that sounds awful and upsetting :(

Ugh, round robins - yesterday's Facebook. YANBU, OP.

My mother used to do this. I once moved house and only told her after I'd sent change of address notices to other people.

I also got the 'it sounds better' - I lived in Oxford, I wasn't "at Oxford" as she used to say. She would tell people I was a cardiographer, I wasn't, but she thought it sounded better.

Really personal details would be shared with neighbours, the postman, people in shops. Who the hell wanted the details of a 12 year old's menstrual cycle? Apparently the afore mentioned neighbours, postman and shop workers.

Honestly my relationship with her has improved so much since she died.

Why do mothers give out their children's personal info so freely? My very good friends were all talking about our daughters' periods. I think the daughters have the absolute inalienable right to decide who knows about their bodies! I'm very close lipped about my own daughter's private info and part of that stems from my own much loved mum using my life as the daily news :-( about every aspect. I can't stand it, can't not share as going through divorce and can't really hide that! And I rely on her warmth and emotional support. But the sad truth is, whatever I fucking tell her, the village knows next. I have called her on it numerous times. She'll say stuff like, 'but it's fairly common knowledge ' 'they would want to know because they care' etc. Fuck that grr.

sashh your last line made me laugh hard.:)

I know someone who used to say her son was 'at Oxford'. He also just lived there.

My mother also tells all and sundry everything. One of my parents friends has desribed her as always being 'on broadcast'. She;s been like that all my life- in fact my cousins used to call me 'the perfect child' because my mother bragged to all and sundry about my littlest achievements. The fact was she was generally only interested in said achievements for bragging value. If something not so great happened she manages to turn it into her own personal unhappiness too.

Fucks me right off. It's one of the reasons that I moved abroad 20 years ago and have no intention of going back. The relentless emotional manipulation, and determination that I fit whatever role she wants to put me in for her own aggrandisement.

Annoying for you though it is, she has a right to tell her friends and acquaintances whatever she feels she wants to.

But you also have a right to withhold important information that you don't want to be broadcast to all and sundry.

What you can't do, is change her! So don't even try.