To demand fruit first

[Rixera]

My 19 month old DD seems to think so.
She has become a fruit rejecting, veg scorning, biscuit eating monster.
She demanded a biscuit. I offered a selection of fruit. She asked for an apple. I peeled it for her. She demanded a biscuit. I said have some apple first.

Nearly an hour on she is bright red and still howling, we are both covered in her snot, and she is still clutching the apple, licked but unbitten. I am holding firm. No biscuits until she has at least had a bite of her fruit.

AIBU? Should I just give her the sodding biscuit?

Children's tastebuds aren't the same as adult tastebuds - they have loads and loads more than us, food tastes very different to a child than it does to us. They're born with mainly the sweet ones. Milk is sweet. All good. Everything else registers as sweet or neutral, which is why young toddlers eat any and everything. Then their bitter buds start to develop, they have loads more than us, they can taste bitterness in things that we wouldn't even register. This is when they start rejecting stuff they've previously munched on cheerfully.

It all sorts itself out in the end. There is no point in forcing her to eat things that, right now, just don't taste right to her. They will - unless you set up negative associations with them. My boy wouldn't touch most veg when he was young. He will now cheerfully eat most, and he will try absolutely any food I put in front of him because I've never forced him to or made mealtimes a battle.

Get some haliborange. She won't get scurvy.

I would have just given her the biscuit, then told her all biscuits were gone and not let her know you had any more.

My kids are 17, 13,& 11 and haven't learned that tantrums work from my weak parenting.

Whenever my kids got bratty about biscuits, I stopped buying biscuits.

I never bought fruit juice/cordials so they didn't know it existed (we don't have relatives to give them any, our nurseries are healthy ones). That made it very easy for them to drink water and milk.

It's an easy battle to win, you just say no, walk off and do something else. The kid will only tantrum if it's got an audience. Take away the apple, don't talk about it, don't acknowledge it and just move on with your day entirely ignoring the meltdown.

Oh, and I do try the everything in moderation approach- I've suffered anorexia so know how vital that is. The difficulty is that toddlers don't know moderation.
I've even made fruit into 'special yummy treat dessert' by microwaving with a bit of cinnamon, but that was a spectacular waste of time

You let your baby cry herself to sleep over an hour over a fucking biscuit?

Wow.

If you have had anorexia in the past, you are going to need to have some strategies in place for your dd

You don't want to make food an issue for her either as that will result in possible problems in the future

Well done for overcoming yours though

Cauliflower Balti - well there you go then! I wasn't imagining things! I can still remember the horrible sour bitterness (yes, tart is the right word) of apples, even when sprinkled with sugar. I wonder if soaking in honey water would help? Even today I sneakily dip apple in honey if I have to eat it - I don't mind it smeared with peanut butter too ... or Apple Schnapps ... :)

The best way to get kids eating fruit and veg is to make it a normal, pleasant thing. So let her see you all sitting around the table eating your veg with relish. Make a bit of a performance about cutting up a pineapple at the table for dessert.

My four have always scoffed fruit: why wouldn't they, it's sweet, it's lovely. Salary stuff has always been a big component of their lunch boxes so no problem with that either. They have been less keen on traditional veg, as an accompaniement to a roast for example, but have got over it during their teens, well, because they see that is what adults do.

Surely if you've had an eating disorder yourself you know how important it is not to make food a reward or punishment and not to 'earn' certain foods - plus of course that making a big deal of a food will make you not want it??

Ie, the exact opposite of what you've done today?!

I can now see why my DB & SIL don't have biscuits/crisps/chocs in the house! My nieces are only allowed 'crap' food at parties & special occasions such as birthdays. They don't fuss over fruit as they know for sure that there is nothing else in the house they can have that is more appealing.

Although i know my SIL did use a jar of penny sweets as a reward for using the potty - 1 penny sweet for each time - my nieces were so excited to use the potty each time :D

Stop having biscuits in the house until you are more comfortable with her eating. No-one needs to eat biscuits, especially not if they are going to become high stakes poker chips.

Two schools of though. Polar opposites.

Stand firm and make a major snot ridden issue of it.
possible outcome, food a major battleground, major focus on food, a lifetime of food issues and eating crap because it's been denied

Stay calm. Offer different foods (tiny biscuit with apple) and ignore.
possible outcome, diet not as varied, development of eating rubbish, but no focus and issues around foods

In my experience number 2 is less stressful and eventually the child develops the wish to try other foods.

Up to you

Well, sure, except she will throw the fruit on the floor and demand more biscuits.
I always eat fruit and veg with her. I genuinely love fruit, I say how exciting it is to have berries as a treat, etc. She doesn't care. She wants biscuits.

Also I don't think it will lead directly to food issues. Food was the one area my screwed up family got right. No pressure, a perfect balance, everything done right.

Would all of you really let your toddlers snack on biscuits 6 times a day?

I find the delighted gloating over an upset child really gross.

Why would you try to force her to eat an apple? Completely bizarre.

Surely it should have gone -

Baby - want biscuit
You - no it's not time for biscuits/ we don't have any biscuits. Do you want an apple?

If she's upset because there are no biscuits available then you sympathise and distract. The image of her in flood of tears and licking an apple to try to please you is so stupid.

Btw she woke up, kissed me on the head, said aah mummy and started eating her apple. None the wiser as to whether it was because of the battle but at least she's eating it now.

Bin the apple. Don't even own a biscuit. Distract toddler with games/housework/anything.
Make lunch as normal.

everything in moderation approach

Rixera, how about the teaching by example approach?

Mum eats fruit and shares it with child.

Also splendide that's exactly how the conversation went! I just wouldn't follow it up by getting biscuits anyway.

Well in that case your OP was wrong - you said she had to eat apple in order to get a biscuit.

No I don't let my children have unlimited biscuits but I don't force them to eat fruit first.

They get the choice.

Fruit or nothing and then I leave it at that

Dd yesterday wanted crisps for a snack. Told her no and offered toast and cheese instead

She said no she wanted crisps.

So I did the toast and cheese and left it on a plate where she could reach it but ignored it all from there.

She had the food, she could choose if she wanted to eat it or not

Lo and behold, she ate the toast not the cheese but didn't ask for any crisps afterwards.

Would all of you really let your toddlers snack on biscuits 6 times a day?

None of us would, but we wouldn't have an hour-long scream-fest over a biscuit.

Don't have biscuits in the house, or substitute them with rice cakes or oatcakes which are slightly more savoury.

Distract. When you know that presenting her with an apple is going to result in a showdown, take action first - don't offer it, just casually leave it within her reach while doing something else, or go out first and offer it to her in the park.

Definitely don't give her a Granny Smith - yuck! Cheapest sweetest apples you can get, and cut into enticing slivers, maybe jumbled up with sliced grapes. I had to peel DS1's apples for ages. I know half the nutrition is in the skin, but it got him eating them at least. He eats the skin with no problems now.

Maybe I should do the fruit or nothing approach then, that sounds both firm and rational.
Also the granny smith was for me, she has sweeter peeled ones but I try to eat with her.

I offer at mealtimes and when she asks for snacks.

That would be a better idea instead of "eat this first then you can have a biscuit"

As it becomes the fruit is the awful food she has to eat in order to get what she wants and it becomes more and more resented

Would all of you really let your toddlers snack on biscuits 6 times a day?

No, not really but I don't have a set policy on what she can have every day. Some days she might have a biscuit, more days she hasn't. But I wouldn't worry too much if she had a few biscuits the odd time.

Incidentally, I think there's a bit of a misinterpretation going on. I don't think anyone was suggesting that the child should be forced to eat the apple but that it's not a good idea to provoke a tantrum over a biscuit that lasts an hour and then hand over the biscuit like you earn it with enough fuss.

I wouldn't give biscuits 6 times a day. I'd find things for her to snack on that she does enjoy and that you are happier with. It doesn't have to be fruit or biscuits.

Baked apple crisps. Yoghurt-covered fruit. Little snack portions of cheese. Melt a little chocolate and serve with lots of breadsticks and strawberries. The chocolate to fruit ratio is tiny. Yoghurts. Make frozen fruit lollipops. Popcorn.