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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I weird for wanting to spend Christmas in my own house?

86 replies

Coffeerun · 19/12/2016 17:39

Every year I decline invitations from my mil and my dsis to spend Christmas Day at their houses.

I just like to spend Christmas at home with dh and the dc. I'm happy to have visitors if anyone feels the need but don't particularly want to host lots of people. Growing up Christmas was always at home with my mum, dad and siblings, didn't leave the house, that's how I love it.

Most people I know do seem to spend Christmas with extended family and there's usually some arguments over which set of parents they'll go to, or seating arrangements or who cooks.

OP posts:
NeverNic · 20/12/2016 21:35

As kids we would go 'visiting' on Christmas Day. Boxing Day was the day we stayed in - no phone calls, no guests etc. My mum also used to do the traditional roast that day too. Only found out as an adult that my mum hosted the whole family when I was a toddler and it went so epically wrong that there was a huge falling out with the siblings and she never did it again.

As an adult I would love to do Boxing Day at ours alone, but it would cause too many issues.

livingthegoodlife · 20/12/2016 21:35

we too always stay in our house with just our immediate family for christmas, we see my half of the family on boxing day as they are only 1 mile away. We often go to theirs for a bit or they come here. We will then visit the in-laws a few days later.

I just prefer my kids to wake up in their own beds with their stockings and presents so we can have our own traditions here. I dont want to be carting them and all their stuff across the country to stay at the in-laws (least christmassy house ever but that is a whole other story).

i feel like im in the minority for staying at home too but i love it!!

EggysMom · 20/12/2016 21:47

I developed a liking for quiet at-home Christmases when I lived in Scotland and it was too far for anybody to visit ...

My parents live three hours away. They won't drive in the dark, we don't have the room for them to stay. Our son is autistic and, if we visited them, we wouldn't get any rest - on tenterhooks all daytime watching for breakages, and then he wouldn't sleep in a strange bad. We do visit them twice a year, but not during the festive season when things are even less routine than normal.

MIL is kidnapped by other members of the family, so we cannot visit her until we pay the ransom she is taken home again.

I like Christmas with just DH & DS. I get to say when dinner will be cooked. I get to choose when to watch telly and what to watch. I've had my years of putting up with someone else's needs routine, now it's my turn.

Rachel0Greep · 20/12/2016 21:49

YANBU. Enjoy it!

PinkSparrow · 20/12/2016 21:59

YANBU. I'm used to spending Christmas with my parents and siblings at their house as I was a single parent until this year.

Now that I live with DP and an hour's drive away from my parents I want to stay at home just the three of us.

Instead I'll be making the two-hour round trip so that I'm not "keeping DS from his grandparents" whilst DP goes to eat with his parents and siblings who live 5 minutes away so we wont even be together for half the day.

Stars2theside · 20/12/2016 23:18

Oh my god, I am exactly the same as you! Although actually I would rather no visitors, and get very irritated by the assumption of the in laws that they can come round. I would like Christmas to be just me, my other half and our baby. Bugger off and leave us to have our own Christmas!!

SpookyPotato · 21/12/2016 06:37

We always stayed at home and most people I know have done as well so you're not alone OP!

OhGodWhatTheHellNow · 21/12/2016 10:31

Dh''s clinching argument for us having DC was that we wouldn't have to do the Christmas Traipse anymore Grin Sort of worked,once we persuaded the ILs to come to us - took three years.
MIL used the excuse she was worried about leaving the horses ( for a few hours only - they live in a bloody field!). Of course, the first year they came one dropped dead while they were at ours...

Arrowfanatic · 21/12/2016 14:51

We always have Xmas pretty much just us and it's lovely. We had sil one year as she wasn't working (usually works Xmas day) and my mum one year after she split with her boyfriend. But usually it's just us, mum goes abroad to stay with my younger sister and my older sister has her kids and SBXH at her house. I would love if we could all get together but unlikely.

Boxing day we throw a big buffet and invite anyone whose free.

EmmaWoodlouse · 21/12/2016 15:10

It's been just me, DH and our two DC every year since DC1 was born, except for two years: one (when the DC were quite little) when FIL was working away from home over Christmas so we invited MIL to lunch, and one a couple of years ago when a friend just spontaneously invited to invite a huge bunch of us to lunch at her house. Never any arguments with either set of parents as they've always accepted that we were our own little family now. We see them at other times of year. I've always found it slightly hard to understand the traumas some people have over visitors or visiting, but I suppose the only time to establish a system like ours (especially if either set of parents disagrees with it) is right from the beginning.

SantasJockstrap · 21/12/2016 15:30

I have spent two Christmases at another family members house

I HATED them both for the following reasons

*Your own kids have to open their presents, and then leave them, as you are going out - and spend the day with not a lot to do other than the few small toys you can take and they are bored and irritable as they know the exciting super duper toy they have waited for all year, is at home still in the box!

*Spending Christmas day doing everything how someone else wants to do it, in someone ELSES home, without your home comforts - simple things

*Eating food that they choose might not be your choice of a treat

*Watching their choice of tv on full blast, 'mid summer murders for three hours on full blast, anyone'

  • There is Never enough seating. Around the table you are elbow and on the three seater sofa, there are five arses. I have being that close to other people it cringes me out

*You cant drink - of course you have to drive home

*It is such a long day. You cant stay for dinner. It is more like a six hour plus stint of arse numbingly sitting with one arse cheek to a chair

*Feelings of guilt as the red raced host (in my case) races around and tells you to ''sit and relax' whilst they do it all. I got the impression that our host was not enjoying cooking at all

As you can tell I am a massive fan of spending xmas in my own home

Giddyaunt18 · 21/12/2016 15:47

I can see both sides. I have been married 20 years and we have only ever spent one Christmas alone, due to bad colds and I have fond memories of it funnily enough because it hasn't happened since. Having said that I do enjoy 10+ Christmas dinners as they are usually at mine or my siblings houses or were at my mum's when she was alive and we all like things similar. I have to say the odd couple with MIL were not memorable as she doesn't really like Christmas so why invite others into your misery?? so I would rather not go there again. Ours are TV free, boozy, dinner that goes on for hours and games after that. Normally finishes up by midnight. I would like to have one with just us 4 but the DC protest that it's not Christmas without a crowd!

dollydaydream114 · 21/12/2016 15:54

YANBU at all. When I was a kid, we always had Christmas in our own house. Usually one or both sets of grandparents came over, but sometimes it was just me and my parents and siblings. We never went to anyone else's house on Christmas Day or Boxing Day and we always really liked it that way. I was always slightly horrified at my friends' tales of spending Christmas with aunties and uncles and sleeping on air-beds in the rooms of random cousins. Even I was a child I used to find anything crowded or even slightly chaotic really stressful for some reason. The thought of a Christmas dinner with 20 people round a table and loads of extended family terrifies me a bit, much as I do like my relatives.
These days DP and I have my parents and/or his mum over for a couple of days and we've invited my sister and her husband over on Boxing Day as it's nice for my parents to be able to see them (my sister and live relatively close together but my parents live 250 miles away). I'm honestly very glad that we don't have to go to my sister's or DP's sister's on Christmas Day; I really like being at home.

PossumInAPearTree · 21/12/2016 15:55

I refuse to go anywhere on Xmas day.

People are welcome to come here if they wish, but I'm going nowhere.

MomOfTwins2 · 21/12/2016 17:52

I used to spend Christmas alone or with my late DH. Then I met my ex, and his family have this HUGE Christmas family nightmare do. There is so much noise, and everyone competing to get a word in, kids running around shouting, grandma and grandpa stressing out and getting annoyed with each other. I used to leave feeling like I had a hangover.

Now that I've been happily single for almost 4 years, I have the kiddies on Christmas morning, they open their presents peacefully, and then I take them to their dad's house, who then takes them for the family Christmas. I refuse to go, as I can't and won't spend an entire day in asshole's his company.

I then come home, and spend the rest of the day in glorious peace and quiet, reading my book or watching telly. Just the way I like it Grin.

MindfulBear · 21/12/2016 18:03

YANBU. This year we are going no where and no one is invited here... just us and the DCx2. I cannot wait :)
After 2 years of being overseas at Christmas we like our own company.
We will see f&f on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day and we will go for a walk on Christmas Day. It will be lovely.
Next year we are going overseas for the festive season.... again. hoorah!

Enjoy. ''Tis the season for giving. Give yourself a break and a lovely time :)

Shona52 · 21/12/2016 18:07

Since having our DS we now stay home for Christmas (so much easier) Grandparents come to us from both sides (when it our turn to have PIL) and it's great. Would hate to have to drag DS out somewhere else

Roussette · 21/12/2016 18:21

but the DC protest that it's not Christmas without a crowd!

Ditto! My DCs love seeing their cousins. One year, for various reasons, it was just us till Boxing Day and my DCs did not enjoy it so much. It as soooo quiet. Me and my siblings take it in turns, we do Christmas similar to each other so it's always fantastic and we all pitch in and it's so much fun. This year there's 18 of us!

Flease · 21/12/2016 18:24

I would absolutely love to spend it at home. Every year bar 2 out of 17 we have had to spend it at MIL. It actually makes my blood boil and have put my foot down for next year but I'm not holding my breath!

Craigie · 21/12/2016 18:53

I think it's a shame not to include the wider family. Imagine when your children are adults and you are just excluded from their family Christmas. That's how your MIL feels now.

Shockers · 21/12/2016 18:55

I loved spending Christmas at my grandparents' house as a child. I feel sad that my children don't get to share Christmas with extended family. That said, we have a lovely time at home.

whirlygirly · 21/12/2016 19:02

Oh I wish we could. Ours this year involves nearly 1000 miles of driving in a week and 3 different destinations to stay in. It's utter hell to plan.

I'm trying to pack the car and wishing I could just stay home. I'm the only driver and not feeling too special.

The dcs love it but next year will be very different I think.

Tapandgo · 21/12/2016 19:34

Christmas Day always at home with DH and children but happy to host or visit on Boxing Day. It gives some respite to the mad activity around Christmas.

Postchildrenpregranny · 21/12/2016 20:39

We have a tiny family Sometimes I'd give a great deal to be part of one of those huge gatherings everyone I know seems to host at Christmas

cheval · 21/12/2016 21:14

Have always believed you must do what pleases you and your immediate family first, especially if little children are involved.
Also get irritated with the hype behind Christmas. Don't leave a relative on their own, obvs, but other than that, it's just one day.

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