Am I weird for wanting to spend Christmas in my own house?

[Coffeerun]

Every year I decline invitations from my mil and my dsis to spend Christmas Day at their houses.

I just like to spend Christmas at home with dh and the dc. I'm happy to have visitors if anyone feels the need but don't particularly want to host lots of people. Growing up Christmas was always at home with my mum, dad and siblings, didn't leave the house, that's how I love it.

Most people I know do seem to spend Christmas with extended family and there's usually some arguments over which set of parents they'll go to, or seating arrangements or who cooks.

We refuse to leave the house on Christmas day. In laws (parents and siblings) insist on seeing the kids on the day so they come round and take over for a few hours but I don't get dressed or make a fuss about it. A few mince pies and cups of tea of course. Then we get the rest of the day to ourselves to eat and drink and watch kids play with their presents. (Big meal we do on Christmas eve so that we can relax on the day, we usually have a few guests for that).

This will be our sixth in a row at ours. The kids love being at home. We usually have my parents over for most of the day and the in laws have come in the past. After Xmas we often tour relatives between Xmas and NY but it feels right for the day itself to be in our own home too.

I emigrated from NZ in 94 with my ex (also from NZ) so either it was just the 2 of us or we were working. 2001 got together with DP and always just had Christmas at home with DSS (half day) and later DS. This year DP has family over from America so a big Christmas lunch at a restaurant and back to inlaws. 22 years and this Christmas is going to be very very different. Not to mention the no drinking all day as I am the driver

I'm spending the first year this year with DP and our daughters at home alone and I'm really looking forward to it. But when we do spend it as a family my Sil insists we have it at their house no matter who wants to host it. My sis was here last year and wanted one last Christmas at home in mums house but she wheedled it round that we ended up at their house, I would rather have been in mum's too but my mum will do anything for a quiet life.

We used to do this and it was lovely. Then my Dad died and mum was on her own so we had to invite her. Then as DHs parents got older we had to fit in a visit to them or invite them to us. Now we have the four of us + DM + DMIL + DSIL and 2 DN + anyone else that is around and hungry. It can go as high as 13/14 people. It is fun and I love to cook and entertain, but I miss the old days of a teeny weeny turkey for 4.

And now I am also dreading the day when grown up DDs will not be here. 😞 🎄

I have been with my husband 11 years of which he has lived with me for 8 away from his family and. It once have any of his family come here for Christmas. We have an almost 2 year old and still the same old selfish ways. They are retired and drive and healthy! No excuse at all!

Years ago we decided that we wouldn't be dragging kids around to visit on Christmas Day. Too stressful. Now everyone comes to us, either on Christmas Day or Boxing Day. I also run a community lunch for those on their own, so suits me to be at home/ local.
I love having every one round though, can't wait. Doesn't mean I don't see why others wouldn't feel the same.
Merry Christmas everyone! 🍾

We are having Christmas at home with just the three of us, me, DH and DS (12) for the first time. So looking forward to it.

Christmas is a time when people tend to do 'what they've always done' as it's how they feel Christmas 'should' be. Nothing wrong with that. Probably why some families argue over who goes where every Christmas, because it wouldn't be Christmas without that argument ;-)

rags you don't get dressed?? Awesome!

I think it's perfectly acceptable and normal. I prefer being at home and it's very hard being away given the multiple animals.

No. I would give my right arm to stay at home and invite Big Son and his OH and Dear-Ex and have an "our family Christmas". Instead for 9 years running we've packed everything up, abandoned our cosy home an gone to the IL's.

It's not that I don't love them dearly, but they have other family and another grandchild and they really wouldn't be on their own if we didn't go.

Bah Humbug

After my 3rd dc I refused to leave the house and then somehow ended up having my parents and my pil here instead

My step dad has Alzheimer's and my father in law has terminal cancer and only has a few weeks left so this will be our final Christmas together, he's in a hospice and we are going to spend an hour with him then mil and my parents are coming for dinner in the evening

I think declining the invitation every year is a bit off, to be honest. You could spend it with them every third year or something even, and the other years you can spend at home.

We alternate between our house and my cousin's. This year we're doing the 4 hour round trip to the cousin's, but next year they'll be coming to ours. We still get the morning at home, but we (and more importantly, our kids!) enjoy seeing some extended family (not a big amount of people - this year it'll just be us and six others) at Christmas.

If you are not leaving anyone alone/struggling then it's all good :)

We did that throughout most of our marriage as the battle between my parents and STBXH's as to who would go where and when was such a pita the first few years.

Ironically, even though we separated 5 months ago and DD and I are living my parents now it's been the easiest Christmas to arrange - at home with mum and dad and STBXH coming round for tea.

By next Christmas DD and I will be in a place of our own and we're already looking forward to spending the day together at home, although we'll invite whoever fancies it over in the evening.

We all take it in turns last year my dp parents were here and we hosted and my mum came boxing day this year we are going to my mums and the seeing dp parents and db and sis in law on boxing day. I love being surrounded by family and we play games etc. We have some time in the morning just me, dp and ds then we either host or go to family. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to stay home everyone is different ☺. I hope you have a wonderful xmas 🎅🎅 ho ho ho

I'd love to have the chance to leave the house and have someone else cook dinner for a change.
Unfortunately since there's been six of us we there's no room at my parents and in-laws won't invite us because to fit us in it would mean not inviting BIL2 and family and SIL and husband, and that would never happen.

We lived abroad for10 years, so had no family around just DH and 2 dc. Moved home 8 years ago, desperate to have family for Christmas Day but alas that doesnt fit with the rest of the family. We settled for a big get together every Boxing Day. We got invited to my sisters in laws get together but declined. 2 days of festivities is too much to cope with!
I can completely understand wanting to spend the day in your own house chilling out. It is quite nice.

Well, each to their own, but I like the fact that my dc have grown up knowing they are part of, and loved by their extended family. I think Christmas is a time when all the 'ordinary' things that get in the way of you getting together when you have busy lives, tend to stop, and all family can spend time together.
We vary it year on year - sometimes hostng, sometimes going to someone else's, sometimes my family sometimes dh's, but I do feel sadly deprived if it is just our 'house family' here.

YANBU if that is what everyone in your family wants to do, but I don't think it would hurt you to alternate your insular Christmas with a more extended family one. You dc, and their grandparents might love it.

Yeah backforgood some of my happiest childhood memories is Christmas with all the family....and not just for the presents. It was great fun. We have recordings of us all doing our party piece, singing, telling a joke etc. Priceless memories.
Feeling a bit guilty actually that we deprived our young children of that.

Tend to agree with Back - I like to vary the routine, I really would find it a little dull to have the same 'Christmas tradition' every year. We have hosted, we have stayed on our own, we have volunteered at the Church lunch for the homeless, we have been abroad for Christmas .......... actually I would really love a Christmas completely on my own - no DH or DC ; in the past I have had to work on Christmas Dy - that never worried me.

We decided when we first got married that we would not get into the habit of taking turns spending Christmas with my parents and his parents so we have nearly always stayed in our own home.
Once I had the flu and couldn't face cooking so we went to my in-laws and another time before kids we went to friends for dinner.
for the first 10 years my mother would invite us and I always declined. Now my in-laws usually come to us and we see my family on Christmas eve.
I cook Christmas dinner and I always enjoy it.
I can't understand people who drive for hours on Christmas day especially with kids. That's no fun at all.

We dont live near either set of grandparents, so have always alternated, apart from when DS had just been born 19yrs ago and we had that year alone, visiting GPs on/after Boxing day. We generally have had GP here in intervening years, though sometimes went to my PIL, who could easily accommodate us. Only once was it a near disaster when we arrived late on 23rd and as we unpacked bags on 24th I realised the stocking fillers had been left at home. Since kids were still at the believing age, we had to go get new items in a rush!

2 yrs ago, DM was supposed to come to us, but we had had a massive fallout 4 weeks earlier and I refused to have her, so DB spent the time with her. It was therefore just the four of us for Christmas, first time in 17yrs and, despite the stress of the fallout, we made it lovely. It made me appreciate my own little family, after the fallout had shown me how little my DM and DB really thought of me.

Unfortunately DM was diagnosed with terminal cancer early in 2015, we obviously put the fall out to one side, and by late last year, we knew it would be her last Christmas. She was too ill to travel, so we went to hers, 2hrs away. 2bed bungalow, kids slept in a nearby hotel, we cooked dinner in her cramped kitchen, she ate in her chair, we ate cramped at her small table. Not ideal, but needs must, we knew it would be her last and she died 7 weeks later. Added to the stress of xmas itself, we then hosted PIL at home 27-29 (it was their turn to come for xmas but they understood our situation with DM). I then spent a day and a half in bed with a migraine, but DM took ill and ended up going into a nursing home late on 31st, so we were back at hers to settle her in as the year ended.

PIL are at SILs this year, so it will be just the 4 of us again. Whilst it will be sad, the first without mum alive, I am looking forward to a calm and quiet time after the stress of last year and the year before. We have the panto matinee on 24th, which the DC still insist on at 19 & 16, then no doubt will settle down with a nice meal and film and drinks in the evening.

We will spend time walking the dog, and may go further afield with her 26/27th, but it will just be nice to do as we please. DC are old enough to choose whether to come out walking, but they generally do.

We are due to see friends next week and will travel to PIL for new year, but for Christmas itself, being just us 4 will be nice, especially since DS has just started uni and this term has been hard adjusting to being 3 not 4.

To be fair, the one year we did go to someone's house for Christmas, my eldest hated it. He's obviously inherited my ways because he says he wants Christmas at home and it's weird to go out at Christmas. He just wants to chill out and play.

Also the thing is, we are always running around visiting. We see both sets of family every week so I kind of like just taking that time to say this is our day to just totally relax.

I know I'm probably in the minority.

I don't really know where people begin when having big family Christmases.

There are two sets of parents, grandparents, siblings, nieces and nephews, then of course their extended families. There's be no way of keeping everyone happy.