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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to for goodness sakes kill them !!!!

69 replies

OopsDearyMe · 19/12/2016 14:42

A week ago DD2 and DS along for the ride, found some hidden Christmas presents and opened them. I found them and gave them a rocket, they were banned from all games and TV for a week and I thought that the message had gotten through.
I was pretty stunned tbh, I would never have expected them to be so blatant.
But this morning DS came into my bed complaining that his bed was cioverd in something sticky, when I went to look he was right, it had all this bright neon pink goo all over it, through the duvet cover and the duvet, sheet and mattress. Then I noticed a label, it WS whoopie putty. The very gift DS had under the tree, I then saw a present bow on the floor.
DS admitted straight away that DD2 and he had taken presents from under the tree and opened them, both were DS's as they had just grabbed a random couple.
I'm so upset that they would do this? How do I deal with it? My feeling is to take them all away, but its Christmas ffs.
Aibu to still allow them to have these, or what should I do?

Really need ideas, as I have no partner to bounce this off.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 19/12/2016 15:05

I'm a big fan of natural consequences, administered immediately.

DisneyMillie · 19/12/2016 15:05

I'd take away the things they've opened and they wouldn't get them back. There would be consequences too - e.g. No tv or another toy temporarily taken away.

I don't get why at 6 and 8 they shouldn't be expected to control themselves - I've presents under the tree (not from us but as we've received them from others) and there's no way my 7 year old would open them.

I'd personally leave the rest of the presents under the tree with the clear consequence that they'd lose them if they were naughty again.

RoystonVaseySmegHead · 19/12/2016 15:06

Tell them that you're very disappointed in their behaviour and as a result of them not leaving the presents alone not once but twice that you've had to send all their presents back to Santa (if they still believe in him) and unless they're on best behaviour til Xmas then Santa won't be able to send them back? I'd be livid op because slime/ putty is ridiculously hard to get off stuff speaking from experience when neon green putty got smeared into a brand new cream rug

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 19/12/2016 15:06

Agree - don't leave them out. Too tempting for primary school children.

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 19/12/2016 15:12

Could you ask a neighbour to hide them? One of my nephews was a terrible 'peeper' so the wardrobe was out of the question.

His and siblings' presents were in a neighbour's wardrobe and he whispered to his brothers that he'd searched high and low but couldn't find anything. Success!

itsgoodtobehome · 19/12/2016 15:12

We've got presents under the tree. DS4 hasn't attempted to open them. I've always put presents under the tree, even when he was younger. He knows not to touch them. I don't agree with people who are saying little ones can't control their impulses - it depends what you teach them!

Budgiebonbon · 19/12/2016 15:15

YANBU- I would be seriously cross about that especially after a reprimand.

However, I can remember my younger sister Sister sneaking into our DP's bedroom and unwrapped and played with a beautiful limited edition Barbie Winter Princess doll which my DF had brought back from America, she put it all back and thought she had got away with it.

Christmas morning my DSis was rummaging through her pillow case of presents after the Barbie, which was not there. She was gutted. Our DM had sussed what had happened and had given the doll to a toy charity collection. DSis didn't go mooching again & it taught the rest of us a lesson!

Liiinoo · 19/12/2016 15:16

My DDs were great at finding things. I used to have to hide them somewhere that needed a ladder, or in a suitcase in the car boot or at my Mums.

CrazyCavalierLady · 19/12/2016 15:20

We've never had our kids presents under the tree, not for fear of opening but for the excitement on Xmas morning. That said I would not have expected mine to touch them.

At my Nans when I was a child we were encouraged to "check" the presents each time we visited in December and guess what was inside. Nana even gave hints! Once you guessed she'd let you have your present! It was years before I realised that the "guessing" presents must have been purchased specifically for the game. Our "real" present was given on Xmas eve. We would never have dreamed of touching any presents under our tree at home though.

Billben · 19/12/2016 15:22

An 8 year old should know how to control themselves. I've got one of them and no way would she open anything wrapped.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 19/12/2016 15:22

6-8 year old children can usually control themselves around presents under a tree. The ones who can't are being naughty and know they are. OP is blameless and telling her off for leading her DC into temptation is patronising and wrong.

Completely agree.

slkk · 19/12/2016 15:22

We always put present out. A good shake and rummage is part if the fun and not even ds age 6 with sen would open them.
However as a child I once found my unwrapped present when searching for it. My mum was so cross she said it would have to go back to the shop. I was heartbroken as it was a lovely cuddly seal. Anyway on Christmas day she gave me a cuddly rabbit.which she'd exchanged for the seal. Lesson learnt.

krustykittens · 19/12/2016 15:23

I would do what Saukko said, then the thrill of giving inot their impluses won't seem so thrilling and they will remember all this next year. I think every kid givesinto temptation at least once, though. I used to hide all the presents until Christmas Eve and then i would put them under the tree before I went to bed. DD1 got up before me one year and opened the lot and insisted she was keeping everything becuase she liked it, with her sister in tears. She was eight so old enough to know better! God, there was ructions that year! My parents used to put presents under the tree before the day though and half the fun was in trying to guess what was in the packages. But I used to rip the house apart looking for them before they were wrapped, long past the age of eight until it got to the stage my mother would leave them at a neighbours house.

krustykittens · 19/12/2016 15:24

Sorry for all the spelling mistakes!

Benedikte2 · 19/12/2016 15:30

I agree with other posters -- any gifts opened / seen , before Christmas are lost to them and given to someone else.
Express your disappointment that they have not only disobeyed you but that they have spoilt the Christmas surprise.
DS is now 2 gifts down thanks partly to DD2 so maybe she needs to forfeit a gift too?
Sounds like you have two little rogues pours there who egg each other on! Good luck with that OP

Letustryagain · 19/12/2016 15:33

DD is 7. We've always put some of the Xmas presents under the tree and she has never ever touched them. I'm quite Confused to be honest. When I was little I was always prodding and poking the presents and checking the labels to see who they were for! She loves Xmas generally, she just doesn't ever touch presents when they're under the tree. It makes me a bit sad really Sad. She has also started getting quite embarrassed when opening presents, not wanting people to see her open them. Very strange...

As for your situation OP, that's exactly what I was like. I think DMum took them all away in the end and put them under the tree again when we'd gone to bed on Xmas Eve.

Gallavich · 19/12/2016 15:37

Fgs, 8 is plenty old enough to know better. Especially after being told off once already! Personally I think my job as a mum is to teach my kids to resist temptation, not to remove all temptation from their paths. In our house presents go under the tree when they are wrapped and kids go crazy with anticipation but wouldn't dream of opening them without permission.
I'd remove all the presents they took and take away a couple more (wrapped) each and tell them they are no longer getting them. And follow up.

TheSlaughterOfTheMortificados · 19/12/2016 15:39

Agree with Daisyfrumps - OP is not being unreasonable to expect children of this age to practise self-control. We always left presents under the tree when the DCs were this sort of age - there was often a lot of speculation, and sometimes picking up and thoughtful weighing, and giggling, but none of them ever got opened.

You could be very mean and pretend that the unopened presents have gone back to Santa and will only be returned if they are good. I think your DD must be the instigator here . . . I wonder why, as she must know that you will find out.

TheSlaughterOfTheMortificados · 19/12/2016 15:40

Oops, sorry Royston Hadn't read your post.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/12/2016 15:48

Dd is 8. This is the first year presents have been wrapped and put round the tree as she would not have been able to control herself till now. Her friend (boy, same age) has never attempted to look so presents have always been round the tree. So not all children are the same.

Yes an 8 yr old should know better. But if egged on by a sibling - especially a younger one, I get impulse control is reduced.

So these aren't presents for them but for dss. For every gift, they opened, remove the equivalent number of gifts from each of them and give it to dss and tell them what you're doing. If you don't have an appropriate gift, I'd take the cash out of their pocket money or any Christmas money and give to dss. They've taken something, which a) isn't theirs and b) even if it were for them, they aren't allowed at the moment. A fair punishment. And no, in the scheme of things it isn't a big deal but they've shown a distinct lack of care for dss and better to nip this kind of behaviour and lack of respect for you in the bud.

Flowerydems · 19/12/2016 15:50

I'd do as others have said and hide all the presents for a bit and see if it makes them behave.

I don't see anything wrong with leaving presents under the tree for all the folk making on that it's tempting or causing bad behaviour. My dcs 5 and 4 both know not to open theirs that have been sat there for over a week. Yeah they've shaken etc but nothing's been opened.

Op you're not being unreasonable to expect better behaviour

YelloDraw · 19/12/2016 15:54

Surely everyone hides presents from their kids until Xmas day when they're that age

Ours were always put under the tree. Never opened them early.

DeepanKrispanEven · 19/12/2016 15:54

Am I making this a bigger deal than it is?

No, you aren't. You'd already made it perfectly clear that opening presents early is forbidden. And 8 is definitely old enough to be able to control yourself, and indeed to work out that opening presents early just spoils Christmas.

YelloDraw · 19/12/2016 15:59

My DDs were great at finding things

Are you children allowed to go into your bedroom without you there? Are they allowed to go rooting in your wardrobes etc?

The very act of looking in your bedroom is to me, naughty behavior.

SerialMover · 19/12/2016 16:02

Our dcs are 4 and 5 and they wouldn't (haven't yet) open family and friends presents for them that are under the tree- tree chocolates are another matter though!

I think 6 and 8 is definitely old enough to have a teeny bit of self-control and they would know it was naughty.