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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed with OHs family?

61 replies

PinkiePiesCupcakes · 18/12/2016 22:52

Not one of them has gotten DD an Xmas present.

Gfs mum basically said she's not doing Christmas this year, no gift for DD.
Gfs brother spent too much on holiday in Turkey, he went for 8 weeks, got back Thursday, no gift for DD.
Gfs sister is saving to move in to a flat in Exeter in march next year with her boyfriend, no gift for DD.

It doesn't make a difference I guess but we travelled for 3 hours to see them and take gifts to them. Not one of them even so much as got her a card. She's only 3y8m so doesn't understand I guess.

Fwiw, my mum and step dad got her some little bits at least.

I dunno, so MN, AIBU to be annoyed?
I feel like they basically dont care enough about their Granddaughter / Niece to even get her a card.

OP posts:

MrEBear · 19/12/2016 09:09

I think I would say if GF wants to visit them fine, but why drag DD a distance in a car to family who aren't interested in her? March isn't that far away really I'd maybe go then rather than a complete family fallout.

Nothing can be done about gifts for this year damage is done but I'd make it clear that you won't be exchanging gifts next year (not that any exchanging was done)

Original poster

PinkiePiesCupcakes · 19/12/2016 09:34

MrEBear

Gf can't drive, its we all go or no one does.

OP posts:

user1470547459 · 19/12/2016 09:47

If I experienced this there is no way! I'd be going back in Jan. If your GF wants to see her family then she can go by coach or train. Why would you want to put yourself and your child around people who only care about themselves? Personally, I would be putting my foot down and explaining to my partner that it just isn't acceptable and that I wouldn't want my child around people who treated her like this - it's not about the money, it's about the principle! They sound like they are so caught up in their own lives! Also why are you always going to them - again I would have said something about them visiting you as it's only fair, especially with a little one in tow.

I would speak to your GF about the situation to try and find out the reason why they are acting like this.

MammaTJ · 19/12/2016 09:55

That's just horrible of them. As previous posters have said, there are plenty of nice and inexpensive gifts for a child of that age.

One less cocktail on her trip to New York would cover it!

dowhatnow · 19/12/2016 09:56

What has your gf said about it all.

I'd go in Jan for her sake but I'd feel body resentful. They never visit you? How does she feel about that?

DesignedForLife · 19/12/2016 10:00

YANBU it doesn't take much to pick up a £5 something at a supermarket. Or at least a £1 variety pack. Hard to believe they can't afford that.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 19/12/2016 10:06

Op I really cant understand when a poster mentions someones financial status or what they know of it - they are thrown into the grabby box? I really dont get it or that your jealous.

Op its shit behaviour - of course it is to not make an effort for a 3 year old.

It makes it worse that I know my mum and step dad struggle for money and yet they still spent on DD to get her something

I have estranged sibling who also struggles for money she doesn't even live in UK but manages to send small sweet gifts !

The other two aunts are very wealthy and get my DC either Sweet FA or utter shite. When you have a poor family member who manages to make an effort for small gifts - eg in our case pretty hair clips etc, YES it does make the other ones stand out.

Op dont bother going there next year really, and if you do - accept they wont get you anything.,

I have mentioned my sils money on here and also got told I was jealous - and yet - actually I am very comfortable with our finances right now! And I wouldnt want to be either of them for all the tea in china!

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 19/12/2016 10:07

Why would you want to put yourself and your child around people who only care about themselves?

This - dont do it - its not acceptable.

Original poster

PinkiePiesCupcakes · 19/12/2016 10:22

The GF is upset but she wouldn't voice that upset, I can tell though.
In the car on the way back she just kind of shrugged and said,
"Nothing we can do about it" and changed the subject.

I know she's right, I know there's nothing we can do about it.
Its just annoyed me.

Oh and they won't visit because of where we live. Her DBRO has said he'd only visit if he hired a car as he wouldnt trust parking his anywhere near where we live. (We live in social housing and he thinks everyone near us is a criminal or drug dealer )

OP posts:

MrEBear · 19/12/2016 18:48

Your GF probably feels embarrassed by her family. But she is right sadly nothing she can do about it - this year, next year I'd be making excuses - we have a child to buy for end off.

While I understand GF can't drive I'd still have a chat with her if she really wants to visit her family in January. She might feel its not worth causing a rift.

altiara · 19/12/2016 19:14

YANBU. I'd be annoyed too. the effort you've put in to keep in touch with your GFs family and they can't buy a token gift is just awful. It's not grabby. It's just being nice to a child who is a family member. A little selection box is £1 or a barbie Doll is about £2.
Think about the money they're saving in petrol by not visiting you.
I know your GF will want to keep in touch with her family but I'd just not want my DD to 'try' having a relationship with so called family that can't give a 3 yr old a Christmas card or token present.

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