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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

10yo DS has hunted for presents... Wibu to make him wait for gifts?

97 replies

YetAnotherUser · 18/12/2016 22:34

10yo DS has hunted for (and found) some presents... Not for the first time either.

WIBU to:
A) Get him a sack of coal to open
B) Make him wait until after lunch to open his presents
C) Both of the above?

OP posts:

MrsDustyBusty · 19/12/2016 09:31

He's 10. Possibly off to secondary school next year. Even if he's in Y5 he can probably cope with the joke of a few wrapped potatoes or something.

I'm old enough to consider ten to be very, very young. The thing is, even if he can cope with the joke, why is he coping on Christmas morning? Why not just let him enjoy his presents? The surprise element is gone now which is the natural consequence of his looking. I see no reason to invent further ones to exact some kind of petty revenge, particularly on the reasoning that he'd cope.

SloeGinandTonic · 19/12/2016 09:34

How the fuck is that emotionally abusive? 10 is plenty old enough to know that your own actions have an impact on other people.

You suggested that she gave him the presents and then ON CHRISTMAS DAY gave him a lecture about how he had let her down and upset her?

SloeGinandTonic · 19/12/2016 09:35

I see no reason to invent further ones to exact some kind of petty revenge, particularly on the reasoning that he'd cope.

I agree and so much better than I expressed it.

Ledkr · 19/12/2016 09:42

Give him the crash hat and then no bike for HOURS

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 19/12/2016 09:46

Do neither. he knows what he's getting. It's not that bad of a thing.
I used to hunt my gifts (and still do at 30)

there is quite a funny story of me unwrapping gifts before Christmas and it still gets mentioned now. It's harmless

SailingThroughTime · 19/12/2016 09:49

No . I didn't say give him a lecture at all. Read my post again. I said tell him in a calm and matter of fact way.
I find it offensive that you would call that emotional abuse of a child as part of my work is with children who have suffered real emotional abuse. Next time I'm involved in Child Protection training, I'll use your accusation as an example during the is it or isn't it section.
I sincerely hope you don't send your own children to a mainstream school if you think what I suggested was emotional abuse.

SoupDragon · 19/12/2016 09:51

I'm old enough to consider ten to be very, very young

What an odd thing to say. Your age (or mine which you don't know) has no bearing on it.

SoupDragon · 19/12/2016 09:52

As an aside, I remember telling DS2 he would be getting coal and potatoes for Christmas if he carried on being mean to his sister. He looked at me witheringly and said "then I will make chips." I guess he was about 11 at the time.

FurryLittleTwerp · 19/12/2016 09:58

I have never hidden presents particularly. I just tell DH & DS that the boxes & bags in the guest room are strictly out of bounds & I'm pretty sure that neither has had so much as a peep!

When I was a child presents were hidden on top of my parents' wardrobes. DB & I used to jump on their bed to see if we could glimpse anything - we never could as everything was in bags!

Just as well - I'd've hated to have spoilt the surprise

MrsDustyBusty · 19/12/2016 09:58

What an odd thing to say. Your age (or mine which you don't know) has no bearing on it.

Well I don't think it's that odd a thing to say. I think ten is just a child, but it's a very long time since I was ten. I think it's very odd to think of ten as more than just a child.

For what it's worth, twelve would be a young starter for secondary school where I am.

SloeGinandTonic · 19/12/2016 10:00

I said tell him in a calm and matter of fact way.

On Christmas Day- you would make it all about yourself and how you feel?

You may find my comments offensive. It doesn't mean that your view is right. I maintain that I think it is emotional abuse- I recognise that you may not.

I also work with children who have been abused and are being abused and with adults who have poor relationships with their parents and their own children as a result of things that took place in their own childhood. Christmas is typically a time that they recall incidents taking place as society builds an unrealistic view of Christmas and so families inevitably fail to live up to that.

greenfolder · 19/12/2016 10:00

I would imagine a quick " im disappointed in your behaviour, you have spoiled your suprise and taken away the pleasure i have in seeing your suprise" should be sufficient. Then draw a line and move on.

BarbarianMum · 19/12/2016 10:02

Sailing you would have to be an incredibly petty and emotionally stunted adult to say something like that to a child. What would you do if your child opened a gift in front of you and didn't like it? Tell them they'd ruined Christmas?

SloeGinandTonic · 19/12/2016 10:06

and taken away the pleasure i have in seeing your surprise

Isn't giving about the receiver though and not the giver?

So the child saw their gifts. That is part of life and part of growing up. They don't need adults to place guilt on them because of how it makes the adult feel. They will work out for themselves how they feel about having already seen their gifts

SailingThroughTime · 19/12/2016 10:13

No of course I wouldn't. No one has to like everything they're given.
Greenfolder is about right. I'd just say that part of what I like on Christmas morning is seeing him enjoy a surprise and now it's not a surprise but let's move on. And then just get on with the day in the usual jolly way. Job done. No lecture, no emotional abuse (hahaha) no histrionics, no massive guilting or all about me. Just a simple statement of fact and move on.

SailingThroughTime · 19/12/2016 10:15

And I think 10 is old enough to start to understand that your actions have some impact on other people.

Revealall · 19/12/2016 10:15

Abusive and controlling?
I assume since you work with children you know the most damaged children are the ones who grow up with no boundaries not the ones with authorive parents.
Of course Christmas has an element of control. Part if the tradition is giving to well behaved children. For the children that have damaged by their parents that concept is the least of their worries though.

SloeGinandTonic · 19/12/2016 10:18

SailingThroughTime

Why do you have to belittle people who don't agree with you? No lecture, no emotional abuse (hahaha)

Maybe you should think about that when you consider what emotionally abusing people is and how it can start with very little things and build up one time.

SloeGinandTonic · 19/12/2016 10:20

Over time not one time.

SailingThroughTime · 19/12/2016 10:25

Ok. I can see we're not on the same page and rather than get into an unchristmassy MN bunfight, I'm going to step away and go Christmas shopping...which I will then hide very carefully.
Merry Christmas

oxcat1 · 19/12/2016 10:30

My exDH once found his presents when he was about 8. His mum confiscated them and said he wouldn't have any next year either. True to her word, he didn't.

Rachel0Greep · 19/12/2016 10:50

Ach, I would just give them to him, as normal.

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