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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Settle a friendly disagreement

84 replies

MTBMummy · 18/12/2016 18:38

DP admitted to calling an unknown woman "Love", my view is it's an offensive and degrading term, he thinks it's not, something like "sugar tits" would be.

Am I being overly sensitive or is he just behind the times with what is or isn't offensive?

Off to bath the kids, look forward to your views.

OP posts:
SecretSeven · 18/12/2016 19:29

I'm from near London, and I now live in North Derbyshire.

Everyone says it, and thinks nothing of it. It's kind.

MikeUniformMike · 18/12/2016 19:33

I get called darling by a neighbour and shop assistants and I don't like it. It's overfamiliar.

SloeGinandTonic · 18/12/2016 19:33

I have the builders in. I started date week as Mrs SloeGinandTonic ( and now have progressed to love. I saw that as a positive thing and thought that must mean that I was ok.

FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 18/12/2016 19:33

"Love", 'pet", "bonny lass/lad" and "hinney"are used round here - there is nothing derogatory or patronising about it. It is being friendly.

As someone else said - if "love" offends you, don't ever come up North (or to Scotland, where you can add "hen" to the mix . . . )

FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 18/12/2016 19:36

Oh - and "flower" - I forgot "flower"

Original poster
MTBMummy · 18/12/2016 19:37

We're not from a part of the country where it's commonly used. But interesting to see the split.

I guess I find it offensive as its only been used towards me a patronising manner, typically in the work place, but if so many find it acceptable I'm happy to concede defeat.

OP posts:
Witchend · 18/12/2016 19:38

Love, duck, sweetheart, all things I regard as normal being a Lancastrian lass.

Duckie is a bit patronising. I would use it when someone is either very young (preschool) or acting like that bil Grin

Justaboy · 18/12/2016 19:39

I always thought it was "Love" North of Watford and "Guv" south of said place;?.

strongswans · 18/12/2016 19:41

Just moved from the south east to Gloucestershire, can't say it's common place in either but doesn't bother me in the slightest and use it myself sometimes.

justwhatineed · 18/12/2016 19:43

Pet, Hun, Hunnie, Love, My old love (by an elderly lady) Flower, Doll, Sweetie, another Northerner here, I don't mind how people refer to me as long as it's not obscene Xmas Smile

lottiegarbanzo · 18/12/2016 19:44

If you're in a part of the country where it isn't commonly used OP, then most women he does it to won't be used to it as an endearing commonplace and are far more likely to be offended (or think worse of him) than in other areas.

pringlecat · 18/12/2016 19:45

Love, hen, pal, pet, sweetheart, chick, mate, darling - I'll even take "my lover" in good humour which is about as weird as regional terms get. It's all about how it's said.

If there's a dark intention behind the words, I'll get offended. But the words themselves are harmless and usually used in a harmless way.

twostepsister · 18/12/2016 19:46

I love it but I am from that generation where that term of endearment is used frequently

DontstopmovintotheSclubBeat · 18/12/2016 19:47

Yes flower is used here a lot Flappys, I had a nurse who called me flower or petal all the time when I was ill and it made me feel so cared for, very comforting Smile

Hassled · 18/12/2016 19:47

I get called "Darling" a lot in shops, taxis etc - by men and women. I don't take offence although if you stop and think about it it is a bit odd really. Do other nationalities call strangers the equivalent of love and darling a lot?

scallopsrgreat · 18/12/2016 19:47

I'm from oop north and still find it patronising. Especially when said by a man. Maybe my experience of being called love matches yours OP.

SocksRock · 18/12/2016 19:49

I wouldn't think it so. I got called love by the waiter in Nando's in Leeds today when he nearly backed into me "oops sorry love" and it's just so normal it doesn't really register.

ispymincepie · 18/12/2016 19:49

I see it as a term of endearment

RainbowJack · 18/12/2016 20:00

Throw him in the tower.

AlmaMartyr · 18/12/2016 20:03

In the South West here and it's used all the time. I call lots of people 'love,' my love' and' my lover' and don't object to being called that. 'Maid' comes up a lot too, but doesn't feel patronising. I can see how they could be upsetting in some contexts but haven't really felt that myself.

MoodyOne · 18/12/2016 20:05

Whoops I call everyone love or darling, I get people on the phone calling me petal which I just think is the best thing ! I'm from Yorkshire so that may be why I don't mind stuff like that x

aintnobodygottimefodat · 18/12/2016 20:14

Wouldn't bother me at all. I find it almost endearing and sometimes use it myself.

MadameJosephine · 18/12/2016 20:15

It depends. Most of the time I wouldn't mind at all but the other day I was called 'love' by a man at least 20 years younger than me and that did grate a bit

timelytess · 18/12/2016 20:16

Very rude of him, OP, you are correct.

Mishegoss · 18/12/2016 20:18

I think it's all in the intention. I don't mind if someone says it in a friendly way, I know people from up north tend to say it a lot and it's quite nice. When someone uses it in a really condescending, patronising way it's not nice. It can actually sound quite nasty.