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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just so Fed up.

41 replies

BahHumbuggerItalll · 18/12/2016 18:24

Not really an aibu but I guess I am just hoping somebody will be along to tell me it gets better.
Me and dp are skint. We have 3 dc between us (he has a teen dd and a teen ds) and we have a toddler ds. Two of them have birthdays in December plus I have my birthday in December. Plus my dads birthday in December plus Christmas. I am unemployed at the moment, I am being treated for severe post natal depression. I am seeing a psychologist and they have recommended I don't return to work until March at the earliest. Dp works 6 days a week. We are just struggling so much. After the rent is paid each month, and the council tax, electricity etc there is only a tiny amount of money left to see us through to the next wage. I hate having no money and I worry about money all the time. I lie awake at night worrying and I cry during the day when dp has gone to work because I am so stressed out. It causes so many arguments.
I have had to wrap some old presents from last year to give to ds, he's only20 months so won't notice as much but it makes me so sad that I am having to do this. Dp and I have agreed nothing for each other. I'm too embarrassed to tell my parents we are struggling as much as we are, so I will need to get them something. It feels like we will never get through this and money will always be tight. Things are just so hard right now and I'm dreading Christmas. i keep seeing pictures of all the shopping other people have done and it's like a punch in the stomach. That was me a few years ago before I became pregnant, and then depressed. Please tell me this gets better. I need something to cling on to

OP posts:
StarlingMurderation · 18/12/2016 18:29

I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling so much. Are you on antidepressants? I know it might seem counter intuitive but you might find you feel better at work - my PND improved massively once I got back to work. That might also help with your money worries. Do you have a job waiting for you?

cherrycrumblecustard · 18/12/2016 18:30

It's a nightmare. I feel for you. Don't worry about your DS. Explain to your dad - I'm sure he'll understand. X

NavyandWhite · 18/12/2016 18:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BahHumbuggerItalll · 18/12/2016 18:33

No I left my old job , it was a horrible job and I came home in tears most nights . My boss screamed at me in front of everybody on xmas eve just before I went on maternity leave and I just couldn't go back to a place like that.
I am on 60mg Prozac and I see a psychologist once a fortnight roughly. We have been digging into my past to try and find the cause of my depression, OCD etc

OP posts:
Lelloteddy · 18/12/2016 18:33

Of course it will get better. Christmas is horrific when you're struggling for cash but your smallest child really won't care what he gets.

And if the older two are teens, they can be made aware that this Christmas won't involve huge presents.

If you're really struggling from month to month then the MSE website is great for helping you and your partner plan financially.

Cubtrouble · 18/12/2016 18:41

I would get the step kids a book each, socks and a cd??

Your little one doesn't need presents- rewrapping rarely played with stuff is a great idea. I would be very open about no presents with other adults.

Christmas is NOT NOT worth getting into debt for. You will regret it.

As a present I would take my parents out for fresh air and a nice walk and a chat. Totally free but time spent together is priceless.

If you have any club card vouchers etc- you could use those?? Or you could bake a cake as a present??

I truly hope you have a nice Christmas and that your family do too.

hanban89 · 18/12/2016 18:45

It will absolutely get better. I wouldn't worry about presents etc. Your toddler won't know any different and the teenagers are old enough to be told that they can't get much this year. And I wouldn't worry about the parents at all. And you might find them supportive if you told them.
I'm not saying go against the professional advice, but for me my PND improved loads after going back to work. Is there a possibility of a change of job and getting something you would like better for a few hours?
Christmas doesn't have to be about presents. It's about family and if you can all spend a day together having fun as a family then it will still be great for everyone.

PeppaIsMyHero · 18/12/2016 18:48

This will get better. Don't allow yourself to be pushed into buying stuff for people when you have no money. Can you regift anything?

EweAreHere · 18/12/2016 18:50

Oh, OP. I'm so sorry.

Please reconsider telling your parents. They're your parents. I'm sure they love you. They won't want you stressing over presents for them. Please let them help lighten your emotional burden.

IamScarfaceClaw · 18/12/2016 18:53

Are you getting tax credits? You probably re but I just thought it was worth mentioning....

Original poster
BahHumbuggerItalll · 18/12/2016 19:02

No I only get child benefits for ds, £80 a month. I feel like I'm trapped in this vicious cycle of being depressed about having no money, I feel trapped. I used to love xmas and this year I have hated every minute, I feel so useless. I imagined having a baby and spoiling it at xmas birthdays etc and it's not worked out like that at all

OP posts:
Lelloteddy · 18/12/2016 19:14

If you don't qualify for tax credits your partner must be earning a significant wage? There are loads of threads on MN about budgeting and financial planning, including debt management.

happychristmasbum · 18/12/2016 19:18

Have you double checked to see if you are eligible for tax credits?

Do you have anything you don't need that you can sell?

Agree the 20 month old doesn't need much, just something to unwrap. The teens should be old enough to understand presents will be limited. I hope you feel better soon Flowers

Original poster
BahHumbuggerItalll · 18/12/2016 19:21

So I might be entitled to tax credits then? What makes you eligible. My dp is definitely not earning a significant wage so maybe that's why we are struggling so much compared to others.

OP posts:
happychristmasbum · 18/12/2016 19:23

Try this www.gov.uk/tax-credits-calculator

SongforSal · 18/12/2016 19:42

Tell your folks and don't buy them what you can't afford! They WILL understand. Christmas should not cause financial stress. Been skint myself a few years back. Double redundancies ect. What I did learn, and it helped, and I do it now (don't want to sound patronizing btw) are the following things. Get rid of mobile contacts, tv subscriptions ect. If you have a laptop, films and tv are available on free streaming sites. Invest about 20 quid on every cheap random spice and herb you can get. You'll be amazed the dinners you can knock together for the cost of a frozen pizza. Ebay is great. Your trash is someone else's treasure. The website Pinterest is great for free gifts. One year I made all the Christmas decs out of what I had foraged in the woods (everyone loved them and also assumed they were from a shop!.....Didn't spend a sodding penny!) Finally.....Your 20month old will just want 'You!' And the teens are old enough to understand money is tight.

millmoo · 18/12/2016 20:14

If you're poorly why don't you look at claiming employment support allowance -the best thing you can do is go on entitled too.com and that will tell you -you might even be entitled to some help with your rent -I know it's easy to say but try not to stress about Christmas as it is only one day Flowers

pudcat · 18/12/2016 20:27

Are you claiming all the benefits you can. Housing benefit www.gov.uk/housing-benefit/overview

Fairylea · 18/12/2016 20:35

Definitely use the entitledto benefits checker. If your dh is on a low ish wage you should definitely qualify for tax credits!

alotlikeChristmas16 · 18/12/2016 20:35

I don't know the criteria but we have charities that give presents to dc that won't get any, they tell me they get lots of toys donated for little ones. It sounds really hard, it won't be like this forever and my dc hadn't a clue about Christmas until they were 3 at least.

Standingonmytippytoes · 18/12/2016 20:48

I don't want to be rude but in all honesty did you not think to yourself I'm struggling my income has fallen drastically is there any help or support I can get? Whether that be tax credits housing benefit even a trip to citizens advice.

Allthewaves · 18/12/2016 20:55

You need to tell parents about money situation. Sit the teens down and explain there's no money so birthday and xmas will be small presents. It's utterly crap but better bills paid and regaining your psychological health

Original poster
BahHumbuggerItalll · 19/12/2016 00:07

No I just thought I would only receive help if I was a single parent to ds, I honestly thought that if one person in the house is working then you only get CB. I havent been unemployed since I left school so I don't know a lot about tax credits etc or how they work

OP posts:
haveacupoftea · 19/12/2016 00:19

You should go to citizens advice, they can give you some help with working out what you are entitled to Smile