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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He never bloody asks!!!

61 replies

Msqueen33 · 18/12/2016 15:23

I've never been keen to share my food or drink. The kids often want me to share which I do through sufferance and because they'd keep on nagging. Despite knowing this my dh has taken to just helping himself to my food. Say I pour a bowl of crisps instead of asking (I'm forcing myself to offer more and share without grumbling) he just takes! I've asked him numerous times to be polite and ask but he never does. AIBU to want him to ask?

OP posts:
Joanna0685 · 18/12/2016 16:09

Meanwhile people in the world are starving

FatherLukeDuke · 18/12/2016 16:10

Were you an only child OP or have other background which means that sharing is a problem for you?

The usual ignorant assumption re only children Angry. As an only child and parent of an only, I can tell you there's no problem with sharing in this house. In fact here Gertrude have one of my Biscuit

Sorry OP, don't mean to derail your thread.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 18/12/2016 16:11

What does that have to do with how families share food? Sharing or not isn't going to feed those starving people Hmm

Notannabell · 18/12/2016 16:13

I would've said YABU before I've met my husband - sharing with him is not like sharing with any other person.
It's hard to explain but it feels more like competing for food and being involved in a power struggle than sharing food. I always split snacks equally when he's around.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 18/12/2016 16:14

I genuinely get stressed at people doing what
OP's DH does

Frusso · 18/12/2016 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Badcat666 · 18/12/2016 16:21

If it's in a bowl then it's for sharing.

Just munched some mini popadoms with Mr BC because they were inna bowl. if we want separate snacks then the snacks remain in the packet Smile

Alabastard · 18/12/2016 16:25

OP doesn't matter if they gave coeliac. DD has several allergies but always wants what I'm eating. That's natural. So do you know what I did? I changed my diet so the things I have are suitable for her.

I share with my daughter. I don't bitch and moan about it.

Benedikte2 · 18/12/2016 16:31

OP I think your DH is being unreasonable and manipulative. He is taking your stuff because he is well aware you don't like it and he is displaying control over you. Very like dominant animal behaviour. He knows he only has to ask and you know he will refuse if you offer him a portion for himself so he really doesn't have an excuse!!!!!

Cherryskypie · 18/12/2016 16:33

Ha ha ha ha at only child comment. The worst adult sharer I know was one of 4. He still keeps one arm curved around his plate to form a defensive wall.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 18/12/2016 16:39

I agree Cherry, I come from a large family and it really was survival of the fittest/ every man for himself in any buffet situations.

lovelearning · 18/12/2016 16:47

A bowl of crisps is for sharing

Food is for sharing.

BayaGoji · 18/12/2016 16:56

Who puts crisps in a bowl? Unless it's a big bowl for sharing?

Bizarre.

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent · 18/12/2016 16:57

This is like the bag of chips..

Do you want a bag of chips?
No..

OK I'll have a large bag of chips so you can steal some of mine .
Thank you..

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 18/12/2016 16:58

I was thinking that, Baya. Just another thing to wash up later. Grin

gamerchick · 18/12/2016 17:04

Why don't you just eat them out of the packet?

I wouldn't be happy about the pop. Maybe make a big show of coughing or licking stuff.

LindyHemming · 18/12/2016 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 18/12/2016 17:11

make a big show of coughing or licking stuff Grin Yes lick each crisp in front of him before putting them in the bowl. Time consuming but he's not likely to want any.

GertrudeBelle · 18/12/2016 17:12

Re only child comment - I am married to one! Hence have anecdotal experience of living with someone who has not been brought up to share.

SemiNormal · 18/12/2016 17:12

Lick one crisp whilst giving him the evil eye, then pop it back in the bowl and mix them up a bit.

YANBU - I fucking HATE sharing food. I think it maybe stems back from childhood when my brother would eat his treats and then want mine, because he was violent I had to just hand them over and never got to enjoy my treats to myself.

missyB1 · 18/12/2016 17:19

put more crisps into a bigger bowl as you know he will want to share - problem sorted!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 18/12/2016 17:23

I was brought up to share, despite being an only child. However now I'm an adult I'm able to decide whether or not to do it.

BayaGoji · 18/12/2016 17:27

Btw, I would have no issue eating a crisp that my OH had licked.

lalalalyra · 18/12/2016 17:31

I have this, although thankfully DH is better now. It's not the sharing that's the issue, if it was there would be no "do you want any..."

It's the fact that he says no. So I buy (or dish up) how many I want accordingly and then when I sit down to enjoy them he swoops and takes half!

If you want some just say "yes please" when they are being dished up! It's not difficult.

Lemon12345 · 18/12/2016 17:32

Just ask him every time you get something if he would like some too. If he does either prepare to share from one bowl or get him his own portion.

If my DP is home and I get myself anything I pretty much always ask if he wants the same or similar. Don't get me wrong it's a bit annoying when I get a glass of water and ask if he wants one and he asks for a cup of tea... my quick grab a glass, fill it, come back turns into filling and waiting for kettle to boil... but 2 minutes isn't worth the huff. He does the same.

If he says no when you offer, then when he takes remind him "I though you didn't want any" with a stare. Do the same with the kids... if they can have it then offer it when you make. I think it also helps with portion control and more so with the kids not begging/expecting to take from you.

I personally think it's rude to make yourself a snack, meal or drink and not ask others when you are getting it. But by the sound of some of the comments that's just me. And I don't think that kids should be expecting to take from their parents, again if they can have it why not ask them if they want their own or want to share when you get that out.

If it's a rare treat just for yourself then it's more difficult. You either need treats big enough to share, teach everyone in your household that some treats are just for you (like some treats are just for them) or eat it alone. I have a tv show I watch each week (when it's running - current season has ended) and for that I wait to watch it when I'm alone (don't bug me during my fave show!) and if I have a special treat it's the perfect time to enjoy it (without having to even think about sharing it).