Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To be hurt by this comment?

71 replies

Evennumberonthevolume · 18/12/2016 11:39

I might be being too sensitive.

Texting a friend and catching up.

She had a new baby (she's around 3/4 months) and said what a challenge it is but it's also the best thing ever!

I don't even have a boyfriend so who knows if this will ever happen for me. Just felt like same in the wound.

OP posts:

1horatio · 18/12/2016 12:43

I highly doubt she intended to hurt her.

So, are you allowed to feel hurt or even somewhat jealous? Yes, that is a valid feeling. However, she most likely didn't even think about you potentially experiencing these these Negative emotions.

So, all you can do is to suck it up, tbh.

Candlestickchick · 18/12/2016 12:43

Yeah you are being a bit sensitive and she hasn't said anything wrong, but equally being single when you don't want to be and feeling like having a family will never happen for you is very difficult so you're not an awful person for feeling sad for your own situation

1horatio · 18/12/2016 12:44

I mean, if you wish your life were more like hers, of course this could lead to negative emotions on your part.

But that's not her fault. So... try your best to be happy withy our life (I know, easier said than done) or try changing the things you can change, I guess.

Whatsername17 · 18/12/2016 12:49

I'd echo the 'don't be that person' comment. I had a friend who I asked to be part of my wedding when I got engaged. She repeatedly told me how my wedding just made he feel like she was never going to have her own. I avoided wedding conversation so as not to upset her and, low and behold, two years later she was engaged to be married. I dutifully did all of the wedding prep with her. It made me sad that I had felt too worried about her feelings during my own wedding that I missed out on sharing things with her and ended up doing it alone. The same happened when I had a baby. She wasn't massively interested so I didn't push. But when she got pregnant a few months later I was there for everything. She apogised not so long back about it, completely out of the blue, as another friend had done the same to her and she felt hurt that a good friend would ignore her son because it wasn't happening for her right now. In 12 months time your love life might be totally different. You've got everything your friend has right now to look forward too. Be happy for her, because she will be happy for you when the time comes.

BipBippadotta · 18/12/2016 12:58

I get what you're saying, OP - my sense is you don't at all feel she said it deliberately to hurt you. It just hurts sometimes when there is something you really hope will feature in your life and you're scared it never will, and as time goes by more and more people close to you keep reminding you (unwittingly) how they are having a life-changing experience nobody in your position could ever begin to relate to, and you feel isolated and alone. Not really so far off what a lot of us who've gone through infertility / miscarriage / stillbirth have felt like at various points. It can be particularly hard at this time of year when there is so much focus on families and children. It doesn't at all mean you don't love your friend and aren't happy for her. I get it.

and I hope the feeling passes.

pictish · 18/12/2016 13:00

I loved being a mum to three month old babies and at that time it was the best ever...I was so happy.
Sandy - massive leap of imagination from you there to suggest she's trying to cover up the fact that she's struggling. What a bizarre post.

OP - I don't know what to say to you. Ofc you are being oversensitive.

Sparlklesilverglitter · 18/12/2016 13:12

Yes I think your being over sensitive

If I didn't talk about my baby to friends that had no boyfriend or husband I wouldn't talk to most of them.

I think the problem here is maybe you aren't happy with your single life and your friends had a baby and it's made you think about what you want

CookingCabbage · 18/12/2016 13:21

Look at it another way, are you expecting her to always think about your situation before she shares anything with you about what she's doing or happy about in her life? Are you expecting her to play things down, in case you feel envious or that your own life is lacking in some way?
That's not how people work and it's unreasonable of you to expect others to be that way towards you.

It's just highlighted something about yourself/life that you are not feeling too great about at the moment. This is about you, not her. Work on feeing more positive about what you have in your life and improving things.

pepperpot99 · 18/12/2016 13:30

would you be happy if she had texted that she was miserable and hated being a parent?

Branleuse · 18/12/2016 13:37

I really cant see what is bad about what she said, or how it implies shes struggling. What on earth is hurtful about someone finding their baby the best thing ever? You sound weirdly oversensitive OP. I hope youre usually more supportive to your friends

FuckityShitBalls · 18/12/2016 13:47

YABU. My closest friend has a successful career and a very full and interesting social life, travels regularly etc and is single. I am married with 2 children and my career didn't go anywhere much before becoming a SAHM. She knows that I adore my DCs and think having them was the best thing I ever did. She also knows that I sacrificed other things to have this life and that I envy her freedom and interesting career. She acknowledges that she may not meet anyone and/or have children but that she has a fantastic life in all other areas. Your friend is allowed to be happy and you should be happy for her!

Redglitter · 18/12/2016 13:54

I'm struggling to see why the hell anyone would be hurt by a friend commenting on her baby.

Unless you've just had a miscarriage or have been Ttc for some time, which doesn't seem to be the case, then you're being absolutely ridiculous

FuckityShitBalls · 18/12/2016 13:58

Just another thought OP- if your friend had said "it's so bloody hard and I'm exhausted" would you then be thinking "my friend is so lucky to have a baby and it may never happen for me; I can't believe she would complain about it when she knows I might not get to have my own child."

PandoraMole · 18/12/2016 14:21

YABU and she really didn't 'say' anything wrong, however at this time of year if you're feeling a bit low and looking at the things you're not so happy with in your life it's easy to be oversensitive.

I know it's hard (I'm in the middle of a divorce and currently living with my parents so all the happy family, look how Christmassy my home is posts on FB are increasingly getting on my tits), but don't let it make you bitter or harm your relationship with your friend.

Parenthood is a wonderful thing, but she will go through ups and downs just like we all do, and hopefully one day you'll experience all that too, but in the meantime try and enjoy the good things about your life and look forward to the future.

I have spent the last week buying and stashing away decorations and house-y stuff for next Christmas

Namechangeemergency · 18/12/2016 14:22

This all depends.
Are you 43 and desperate for a family?
Have you had issues with fertility?
Have you had a mc?
Have you lost a child?

If any of those are true your feelings are perfectly reasonable.

If this is because you are single and in your mid twenties and feeling jealous because your mate has something you think you should have then you are being unreasonable.

I say that because your OP is quite clear that you blame your friend for upsetting you. She is rubbing salt in your wound. Thats a pretty strong statement to make.

Quite different from AIBU to feel a bit sad that I haven't got a baby too?

I doubt anyone would have said YABU to that.

I still get broody and I am nearly 50 with five kids!

BTW. I love three month olds. I found mine easy and a joy. Teenagers are my bête noire.

I still have three of them to go

NavyandWhite · 18/12/2016 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Namechangeemergency · 18/12/2016 14:53

I dunno.
Sometimes I think its a sort of self flagellation thing.
The OP is unclear so people react strongly and the OP gets something from people shouting at them?

I am not saying this is the case for this OP but I have seen it happen loads. Sometimes people just want a fight.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 18/12/2016 14:53

It sounds like your envious, and. That's no crime.

We're here if you want to talk.

GreenTureen · 18/12/2016 15:00

She sounds like she's struggling and trying to convince herself it's the best thing ever (around 3 months it really isn't!)

What rubbish. I love that age - in fact all the newborn -6 months stage. I'm pregnant with dc3 and I can't wait

It's the crawling stage where it goes to shit IMO!

NiceFalafels · 18/12/2016 16:23

OP buggers off because everyone's been straight with her

Original poster

Evennumberonthevolume · 18/12/2016 17:50

No I didn't bugger off because everyone has been straight with me .. it's a Sunday and I went out for lunch with friends. Do I need to stay on my phone throughout the meal?

I took Sandys comment to mean that the grass isn't anyways greener and no one has the perfect life. Basically don't compare your life to someone else's life.

That doesn't mean I want my friend to be miserable or I revel in her being sad. Geez.

It's just been a exceptionally hard year for me with a bad break up and our mutual friend (who is my best friend) found out she will never have children and has refused to see anyone for the last 7 months.

But people are right I'm being too sensitive. It's just that time of year where everything is amplified.

I'll stress again though it was internally feeling stung, it never crossed my mind to say anything because of how ridiculous it would be.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread