is having a problem with drink normal now?

[tryhard]

I aks because I think I do have a problem...for over a year drinking has been a serious issue, I've just admitted it to my family & while we were talking out solutions, I realised how socially accpetable it is for moms to drink. There's so many blogs and FB posts about gin and wine-o'clock, but nothing about what happens if you can leave it at that. Talking to family about why I drink, I can see there's a real culture around moms using drink to relax, which is fine if it's in control, but is actually really difficult if drink is hard to manage. I just wondered what others thought?

Interestingly when DP worked in Europe temporarily, we went to "Friday night drinks". I was flabbergasted when a group of 8 adults ordered one pitcher of beer to share and sat sipping it all night until closing, having a chilled chat and catch up, then walking home at closing time.

The polar opposite of UK culture. And it was really lovely too, I really enjoyed the evening. Surprised myself how taken aback I was at the concept of not getting shit faced.

I find it far more relaxing having a bath and reading a book for half an hour. Alcohol is for socialising.
Most people I know my age don't drink at home.

Thank you for the support, I must admit I don't feel brave at all, I feel deeply ashamed if I'm honest, it's admitting I can't cope. I do drink to escape, I have young DC, am a SAHM with no local family support & in a new area. I suppose drinking is my cue to switching off time, as soon as DH walks through the door & can take over. I don't drink much on the rare occasions we do get to go out because I can handle a lot more than others & I'm worried it'll show, so yes I sit at home on my own & drink & I think the Mummy blogs do represent that as a normal coping mechanism. Though as another poster has said, I can see why, they want to expose the reality of parenting, but for me who struggles to control drinking, it does also normalise wine o'clock.

It's partly why i set up Club Soda - you don't have to be an alcoholic to want to change your drinking, but change is hard when we feel pressured into social norms - and alcohol is part of everything we do in the UK - happy or sad. We have a community and support if people are interested joinclubsoda.co.uk - and post our events on mumsnet when we have them locally!

Tap me up on here for any advice :). I have been there and done that.

I think you've taken the first step by admitting you have a problem and that is great. A lot of this is in the mind, you have to want it. I changed my alcohol habits in June 2015 - did a dry June because I wanted to know if I could. Then I reintroduced alcohol on weekends only, with two dry months a year - January and June. I now drink well under 14 units a week, really enjoy the taste of what I do have. I am 30 kilos lighter, I can run 5 k without a problem and then swim a mile straight after. I am also 3 dress sizes smaller. It is worth making the change.

Actually, I think there has always been a drinking culture. In the early 80's I spent my entire childhood in a pub garden. It was commonplace for people to drive home after. Dads vanished into pubs every Friday night. It was the decade of the home bar. I think many homes had dads who drank noticeably and mums who drank secretly.

My best friends mum was constantly half cut. My dad and grandad were drunk every weekend and most Wednesday's. Pay packet night was piss up night.

Further back it was even more obvious. Social historians are interesting here. There's a book called "Round about a point a week" which details womwns spending and income in the 1880's. The Fabian society did a lot of research. The amount spent on alcohol is often a huge proportion.

It's just more out in the open now. Which is a good thing.

It's just more out in the open now. Which is a good thing.

I know what you mean but I'm not sure anything helpful is out in the open. Drinking itself is out in the open. Or rather drinking to excess is out in the open. I'm not sure the fact that it causes a lot of problems for a lot of families is any more out in the open. If a woman can say to her friends something like "Oh my god I so needed a glass of wine last night after homework - ended up finishing the bottle lol" and everyone says "know how you feel" then there really isn't anything out in the open - not her stress, not her drinking, not society's attitude to drinking.

I also suspect the rates of alcohol consumption in women and in particular women not living in poverty or in extreme stress, have gone way up in the past 100 years.

I am shocked that when people go the theatre now they takes glasses of wine back in for the second half! So thry csn't get enough down them in the interval and it's always groups of 30+ women.

Id also agree it's become more normal to drink than to not drink. A glass of wine at home in the evening, or drinking too much when socialising,

A couple of weeks ago I had lunch with an old friend, we were both driving, he said do you want wine, and I said no I shall have a Diet Coke, he had a small glass of wine. For one awkward moment he looked embarrassed to be drinking when I wasn't, and I looked embarrassed to be not joining him and explained I never drink if I'm driving,. Which is totally weird and shows how far drinking is now the norm due to the simple fact I felt I should explain why I wasn't.

Tryhard, I've always drank to 'escape' when stressed/upset and this year it's really bit me on the arse. It takes tremendous effort not to drink as a means of escape (I can drink 'normally' otherwise) and I really found the brave babes thread helpful. Come join us if you like, you'll get nothing bar support www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a2756292-Brave-Babes-braving-the-Autumn

Now thinking about this, the most people used to have is a drinks trollers or tray at home, a few bottles of spirits or whatever lurking in there and a couple of bottles of wine.

We have a booze cupboard, which is literally larder sized, and has an under the counter sized beer fridge in there as well as a large wine rack that is full of about forty bottles of different things, and bottles on other shelves. There is also a wine rack built in in the kitchen which holds a dozen bottles of red wine. Our friends also have a variety of the same. One has a full size six foot fridge another has multiple beer fridges in the conservatory and the other a full size booze fridge in the garage.

I never saw that when I was growing up. Yes different financial brackets, but still it's more normal then than it is now.

I used to drink 2 bottles of wine a night.
I quit in January 2015 by going to AA.
Do it.
Life is so much better now.

We have a booze cupboard too, but that is mainly because we like to have choice. We have 7 bottles of single malt at present - they have been there between a year and 6 months. All are still sealed awaiting the special occasion. I also like to have 2 to 3 different kinds of gin on the go because I'm in the mood for different things. A lot of that is down to having the money.

I have no trouble not touching any of it if I am on a dry month, or mid-week.

I used to drink a fair bit - probably too much. I grew up (in the 70s and 80s) with parents who got - and still get - shitfaced every night. They're now in their late 60s and can easily put away two bottles of wine between them 7 nights a week. I grew up thinking it was normal to slur your words, have screaming arguments and then throw up at the end of an evening.

I gave up drinking about a year ago for a mixture of health and work reasons and don't miss it at all. But I agree that drinking has become the norm now - whenever I'm in a pub or out for a meal and asked what I want to drink, I get the look when I ask for water. Then the questions. Then the 'are you sure you don't want a glass of wine?'

My parents are the worst for this and I dread Xmas for this reason. They'll be wrecked by 9pm on Xmas Eve and laughing at me / taking the piss because I don't want alcohol...

Talked to my parents about this last night. When they were young, there wasn't any supermarkets or off licences so the only got alcohol from bars/clubs. Which happened once or twice a night - maybe a night out on Friday in a club with friends and perhaps going out for a drink together on a Saturday night. When my mum was young, her parents went out once a week or more often than not, her dad went out and brought her mum a bottle of lager or something back. At Christmas they'd get a few crates of beer or cider and maybe a bottle of spirits from the local pub. Much different to now. Mam said her mum got drunk occasionally - with friends but again in the house and only now and then. Thinking about it, my parents don't drink much now. Dad likes a rum but has 1 or 2 about twice a week and goes out on a Sunday to local workingmans club for a pint or two (at most 3). Mam rarely drinks except on Christmas when she likes to have a good drunk on boxing day. Completely different to most of my generation I think.

I had a drink problem. From being 15 years old I figured it was the answer to my shyness, self consciousness and lack of confidence. It has taken me decades to realise alcohol doesn't help. I have stopped now, fairly recently and my emotional coping mechanisms are stalled in my teens. I've been blocking and hiding my feelings for years with booze

I'm exactly the same only I started drinking at 13. I had a bit of a brainwave when I hit 30 and decided that I didn't want having a good time = being drunk

However, I've gone the other way now. I'm just sooo boring. I don't know how to have a good time any more. I don't have the ups and downs I did when I was drinking, my mood is more even but just a tad boring. I wouldn't want to go on a night out with me.

My parents always drank a lot. We grew up with it. My dad died about a month ago after a long battle with Parkinson's and dementia, he spent his last 2 years in a (truly amazing) nursing home. My mum dealt with it by drinking. This has escalated over the past 6 months - she is now having falls and not remembering her binges. She is 76 and it's tragic.

My Dsis does not drink at all. I now drink very moderately and wish I had moderated much, much earlier. My DH is a heavy drinker but has cut down massively recently. I think alcohol is more out in the open and accepted now and I don't think that is necessarily a good thing. Acceptance of drunkenness still shocks me.

I think that drinking has become normalised now.
A few years ago, I would drink to oblivion on Friday nights, then in the week would do a bottle of wine most nights. Lots of women i knew - colleagues, mums at the school and friends were all doing the same. It felt like "what you do".
I realised it was becoming a problem when I got with DP, and would hide how much I drank from him. He doesn't drink at home, bar the odd glass of wine at dinner, and doesn't really understand someone who sits at home downing wine on their own.
He doesn't binge drink either, just has a few social drinks on a Friday night and is home by 10pm.

I had started having blackouts on nights out, and although this was a big laugh (as all my friends were doing the same) in my single life, it started to worry me.

I found it quite easy to stop my drinking, but mainly due to the fact that by meeting my partner, my life became more orderly and I could see I had a problem.

Acceptance of drunkenness still shocks me.

I find it shocking that some people drink every night. I never drink at home, only on a rare evening out.

Sent a pm

There's definitely some judgement felt if you don't get shit faced on a regular basis.

I'm certainly seen as boring because I don't drink loads - even though my hangovers are awful after just half a bottle of wine. It's simply not worth it, but this seems to annoy other people.

Just popped on to say well done op for talking to your family about your problem with alcohol and admitting it to yourself. That is a very hard, and absolutely crucial first step.

You can do this. You may well have set backs, but you'll get there in the end. Don't be afraid to turn to AA, they can help.

It is by no means a new thing.