is having a problem with drink normal now?

[tryhard]

I aks because I think I do have a problem...for over a year drinking has been a serious issue, I've just admitted it to my family & while we were talking out solutions, I realised how socially accpetable it is for moms to drink. There's so many blogs and FB posts about gin and wine-o'clock, but nothing about what happens if you can leave it at that. Talking to family about why I drink, I can see there's a real culture around moms using drink to relax, which is fine if it's in control, but is actually really difficult if drink is hard to manage. I just wondered what others thought?

imo parenting and booze don't mix well. Although I do have the odd glass of wine maybe once a month. I used to drink a lot more but quickly realised I couldn't with small children. I would say I was an alcoholic before dc and thank f they came along as I just couldn't do it anymore. You can't be drunk around dc. As they get older, it sort of freaks them out even if you're a bit more bubbly than usual. Also, the drunk sleep means you are knackered and hung over next day and that's a nightmare with dc.

I remember my mum having a problem with wine cartons back in the blue nun liebfraumilch days. It got out of hand and I had to put her to bed after listening to all her woes. It was a very difficult time for me as a child. No one knew what was happening, dealing with a drunk mother. Both she and I knew we couldn't tell anyone what was going on and never spoke about it. I'd never want to put my dc through that pressure and fear.

one poster mentions London

It's funny because I have a couple of friends who have to travel a lot for work and they think we drink less in London.

Arlow - the functioning alcholic thing is interesting, as I said in my pp I have a friend who I think is that. Thing is she does dry January every year and she is highly functioning. She's also a ton more energetic than I am (I drink very little, not even every month) and sleeps better, always slim etc.

so although I have talked to her about it, I think as long as someone like that is not just functioning but doing really well at everything, they are going to carry on. The amount she drinks is bizarre though - I've seen her consume several cocktails and she will still be totally alert. It's obviously because she's got used to having so much...I do wonder what would show up if she had a liver function test.

Also I don't know how other posters feel - clearly OP is trying to give up and some people do stop completely - but it worries me when my mate does dry January because I think it just gives her the idea that she can stop for a while and therefore there's no problem.

I do find the alcohol culture really weird - we hardly drink in my family, if we go out for a meal then someone might have a glass of wine but that's it, we never drink at home. I just find it really odd that people sit at home by themselves drinking.

I think (sadly) it's fairly normal for people who work full time during the week to go out on a Friday or Saturday night and get absolutely shiffaced and then sleep until about midday the following day, palming their kids off with tv and iPads until they feel like getting up. I'm not against tv and iPads at all (infact I am probably one of the most laid back people when it comes to tech habits) but I think once you get to the point of missing half the weekend and using tech as a babysitter because you have a hang over you have serious problems.

I remember working at a marketing agency in London and that was fairly common place across the whole agency, and several others we interconnected with. My husbands job (totally different world) is very similar. He recently went out with them for the evening and came home at 10.30pm because by then everyone else was so drunk he was bored (he doesn't drink at all).

About ten years ago my then manager had two young children then aged 4 and 6 and on a Saturday morning she would leave them out sandwiches and tell them to amuse themselves until she got out of bed at about 12 because she was out drinking the night before. I felt that wasn't right at all but what could I say? I think to her, in her upper middle class circles it seemed normal because that's what everyone else was doing. She had a nanny for the kids during the week and would go out with her husband and clients for work during the week. I dread to think how much she drank. She was only a young woman too.

Drinking to excess is so normal in our society now it's scary.

Madison "I just find it really odd that people sit at home by themselves drinking."

but you don't find it odd to drink a lot in groups in pubs?

I used to work in a small town up north and the drinking culture at that workplace was a lot worse than London. I find because a lot of colleagues commute (often quite far) they are less likely to want to go out and get plastered.

I agree that alcohol is too easy to access now. I don't remember people drinking at home (back in the 70s / 80s) like they do now.
Visits to restaurants were a rare outing too.
I don't recall seeing so many offers on booze that you see in supermarkets now either.

The amount of booze I have bought in for xmas is ridiculous really. I keep seeing lovely wine like Chablis or Sancerre on offer!
I see a dry January ahead - in hope that I can undo some of the damage.

Drinking at home is definitely more of a thing now than when I was growing up. I didn't know anyone who had a glass of wine 'just because'. If there was a big football match on my dad might have had a couple of cans of beer, but drinking was definitely more of an occasional thing.

I tend to drink Friday and Saturday nights - and will probably get through a bottle of wine each sitting which is pretty bad really but don't think it would raise many eyebrows, which is sad.

Even the youngsters who would normally be going up town seem to be drinking at home more. My young adult/late teen DNs will get fairly squiffy at home before heading out so they don't spend much money.

It's so expensive going out now, too. In my day twenty quid would get you nicely pissed, with a cab fare home and something to eat. Last time I went out it was closer to £70 and that wasn't anywhere fancy - just a bog standard pub.

I've just slowly grown out of it. Have gone from 4 pints every night in 2006 (London here too) to a glass of wine a week, if that.

What do people expect? It's addictive.

I find it incredible considering how much damage it can do - addiction, cancer, obesity etc. that people have no qualms in indulging and accepting their children consuming it, to the point of an appalling binge culture.

No point talking about it though. Talking to Brits about alcohol is like talking to Americans about guns.

It has been absolutely normalised by the media and TV. When was the last time you watched a drama where the main character doesn't get in from work and immediately pour a huge glass of wine?

I do cringe a bit at the kind of posts mentioned - "oh have a glass of wine; you deserve it!".

I have recently seen a thread like that, where the OP had, just a few days earlier, had a thread about her DH being concerned about her alcohol intake. The posters weren't necessarily to know that, but they were encouraging someone who was an alcoholic to drink.

I had to sort out my very drunk sister at 2 am today she sees binge drinking as normal and a laugh with the girls I am seriously worried about her drinking her facebook has hilarious comments on it Last night I was so angry but today im just worried because i know she will get in that state again.

I've been in AA for many years because when I tried to stop, I found that I was physically as well as psychologically addicted and experienced the full DTs, hallucinations, voices and a massive seizure that could have killed me. I had no idea that this could be caused by simply stopping the flow of alcohol into my body (this does not happen to all alcoholics - when I read George Best's autobiography and learned that he'd never experienced DTs, I realised that it wasn't directly related to the amounts of alcohol consumed).

In an AA meeting yesterday, several women (who have been sober for years) admitted to drinking throughout their pregnancies; if you are truly in the grip of addiction, the bottle comes first over everything and everyone. It's awful to hear but also searingly honest, without which people cannot recover.

I don't miss anything about alcohol. I wasted years chasing the dream of every alcoholic - that one day I would be able to regulate my drinking and be "normal"; once I accepted that this was never going to happen and that abstinence was the only way forward, I was halfway there.

I think you're right. It is dangerous to use alcohol to relax. I must admit when my 3 were all under 4 I'd have a small bottle beer most days as a treat for getting through the day and to take the edge off grumpy bath/bedtime. It is difficult to control though, because you become used to it and crave it and yes, nobody talks about that. Now the kids are bigger I can do other things like exercise to help me to relax, which was out of the question back then.

I think if you've got a problem it's wise to knock it on the head and surround yourself with like minded people…there isn't so much of the wine o clock thing on my FB thread as most of my FB buddies are fellow running nuts

I disagree with the idea people didn't used to drink at home. My mum did (but she was alcoholic I suppose) and I remember going round people's parents and there was always alcohol knocking about…boxes of wine, cans of beer- this was the 1980's. My parents used to go out clubbing with other parents in the 80's, and come home completely pissed.

I started drinking a lot after I had DD at home as I couldn't go out as much. Drinking at home is so easy, no need to get ready, go out, etc.
It started being a Friday thing with my partner which was great as ge would get up on the Saturday and I'd have a lie in. I was a SAHM for two years, so it eas my night/morning off. That escalated to Friday and Saturday, even when I started to work again, and lately I'd drink most days of the week. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Partner was not happy, but I wasn't totallt happy at home so yeah, escapism. Also my small circle of friends drunk a lot.
Now I am pregnant, due next week. I have really struggled, if I got invited somewhere everyone would be drinking and I'd be bored.
Only had the odd small glass of wine with a meal while pregnant, but I have tu admit I am looking forward to drinking more. I really really miss the "Fridays" with my partner. I am going to try to breastfeed tho so I am not sure how that will go.
I did worry that I was a functioning alcoholic, but I did stop almost completely while pregnant.
Thanks for this thread.

Easy for me as I am teetotal - don't like the taste of alcoholic drinks. Partner drinks, in moderation, controlled and getting pissed was decades ago.

And then most people didn't get to the point of losing control of body functions - those who did were considered disgusting , not jolly good laughs. If we had more sense the Saturday night a and e drunks would be checked, then doused with water and handed a bill.

The UK sees being drunk as an excuse. Most other places see it as exacerbation.

Alcohol is fine with self control. If you can't control it, get help.

I think the "mummy drinks to survive" blogs started up in retaliation to the nauseating ones about how every single second with their precious cherubs was a miracle, even the tantrums (which they hardly ever had of course) and trying days (which they could be coaxed out of with a refreshing hike up the nearest mountain and a feast of quinoa at the top).

It's exaggeration, on both sides. But the drinking is obviously more harmful, because as you say it normalises it.

I don't drink, and people genuinely don't understand it. They just can't grasp the concept of not having a glass of wine to unwind, not celebrating with champagne or not getting bladdered on spirits on a night out.

Dimots you're the same generation as me , when we started drinking we would go to the local where all the regulars knew each other and would police the other drinkers, there weren't the bars where all the 20 something's drink without limitation. Then when they become parents they associate booze with a good time

I've never really drunk much. I've been drunk when younger but I don't like the taste of 99% of alcoholic drinks and I don't like the feeling of not being in control of myself. I tend to feel out of control of myself most of the time anyway and alcohol makes it all so much worse. I also find it too easy to slip from happy to suicidal. I'm a hazard to myself and others if I'm drunk so I don't drink at all now. I've been teetotal for about 9 years (I'm 35)

I continue to be astounded by how much some people drink. I have other friends who are teetotal but I also know some people who put back a hell of a lot. I think the thing that is terrifying to me is how socially acceptable it is now. Other people drinking doesn't bother me but it does scare me sometimes. The amount of alcohol some people put away on a night out is insane and often these nights out are every week. I can't see how they can function spending every weekend with a killer hangover. I don't go out often because I'm just not into that but you see the lines of drinks on Fb and people encouraging it all.

I also think that a lot of people who regularly drink a glass of wine or a gin each night don't realise how much they are putting away. Both these drinks are incredibly high in alcohol content when compared to pints of the same amount. 2 units = 1 pint, one medium sized glass of wine or 2 pub measures of spirits. Most people don't know the size of a measure of spirits and will be drinking doubles or even triples but counting singles (if they count at all) and wine is hugely variable as it depends on the strength of the wine and the size of the glass. It can be from 1.4 per glass up to about 3.5 per glass.

I think we need to be educating the next generation properly re alcohol. At the moment it seems encouraged to drink as you say. I've been told so many times "ooh treat yourself to a nice glass of wine later" so many people are shocked when I say I'm teetotal. I've even had people tell me "it must be very boring" gee thanks.

A lot of people talk about wine o'clock and having gin etc but then don't actually go and do it. I see it just as a figure of speech. If I said "I need a glass of wine pronto" 9 times out of 10 I wouldn't actually have one.

Well done for admitting you have a problem. That's the biggest and most important step.

I had a drink problem. From being 15 years old I figured it was the answer to my shyness, self consciousness and lack of confidence. It has taken me decades to realise alcohol doesn't help. I have stopped now, fairly recently and my emotional coping mechanisms are stalled in my teens. I've been blocking and hiding my feelings for years with booze.

This is pretty timely. I don't socially drink often but when I do there is no off switch. I'm awkward in social situations and I've noticed myself increasingly pushing to get drunk when I feel uncomfortable etc.

I've grown up with a boozy culture, my dad is now a barely functioning alcoholic who likes to make jokes about his addiction and has no intention of doing anything about it. I myself drank heavily from 15-25 and thought nothing of it. It was my social life.

Lately with less socialising, and fewer occasions and my dads situation I'm just stating to feel very negative towards drink, but equally I'm not sure if I should stop. There's been no issues or dramas due to my drinking, but I find the next morning I ask myself would I have done/said that sober, and no I probably wouldn't have.

It doesn't feel good either, it's basically poison, right? We've not really drank at home, but we increasingly add a few beers to the food shop every other week, I do wonder if it's a bad habit to form.