Dealing with he ILs and children

[MySantaQ1030]

My sil and her family is staying with us for a few days and I'm just miserable. They have two DS (9 and 10) and I have a baby (4months) old. The boys are so badly behaved and it's just getting to me.

They are constantly jumping on the furniture, Throwing cushions around, played with a big beach ball indoors and knocked something over, and I feel like I'm constantly telling them 'please don't do this or that' which makes it very awkward.

What's really getting to me is the way they are so rough with the baby. He has a rocker type chair that has a mobile above and the chair moves when baby moves. I have to repeatedly tell them stop rocking him, as they do it so violently he threw up then they are constantly tickling him so roughly he cries, it's exhausting keep watching them. Dh and I both tell them stop, but it's like doing it every 5 minutes which makes us feel like bad people. The 9yo keeps wanting to sit in the tiny rocker chair, and I have to keep telling him no.

Sil and her husband just sit there smiling as if the children are the cutest while doing all these things.

Dh is the least confrontational person and would work around an issue than confronting it. Last time they were here, no one could watch tv for 4days as they had the PlayStation on the entire time. So dh this time unplugged and put it away rather than saying something about it. I really can't stand the lot of them and am glad to not see them, but I do it for dh.

Please give me some tips on how to cope as i feel like the bad person here always saying 'don't do this or that' and then there's the awkward silence. Thanks.

Do you have a decent back garden? I know it's middle of winter, but fuckit, send them outside if they can't behave with "indoor manners" - just say "no balls indoors, if you want to play with balls, you go outside".
Say "no jumping on furniture indoors, if you want to jump around you go outside"
Say "no touching the baby - if you can't leave him alone you have to go outside"
Say "no PS - if you want activity games, off you go outside"

If the parents whinge, send THEM outside too!!

I'm sorry, I know it's still confrontational for you, but you absolutely DO have to grow the spine that others are suggesting because clearly their parents are going to do fuck-all to help you out - so take the bull by the horns, BE that parent, and tell them to fuck off out of it (ok, maybe not swear) until they can behave with decent indoor manners.

Stick to your guns - tell them every 5 mins if you have to and don't worry about what it looks like - if their parents don't like it, or they don't, then they can go elsewhere!

Turn into the "mamma bear" person and protect you and yours. I totally get why you've allowed them to come, because of your DH - but that's no reason to allow them all to trash your home and risk your child's safety.

and for you - be strong, be firm, sort them out. :)

Oh and yes - this behaviour is NOT "just what children do" - it's what feral uncontrolled children who are spoilt silly do, not well-parented children whose parents actually have some element of control over them.

If they're staying for a few more days, it may be worth a trip to the pound shop and buy a few things for them to do.
Things that work well with my boys from there -
Balls for back garden. If they've got coats then the weather doesn't matter.
Magnifying glasses so they can go on a bug hunt
Making and painting models
A drawing pad (they love making their own comic and watching YouTube how to draw tutorials)

Op My dd is very physical and active and she also cannot sit still on the sofas and runs round the room, jumping from arm rest to arm rest. After years of trying to get her to stop I go with the flow now, but I dont care about our sofas, they are old and on their way out and its keeping her fit!

But then with young DC, its hard to have new - lovely sofas..and perhaps not even fair on small dc, to have nice sofas they cant play on? Which is why I am happy with my old sofas right now.

However in terms of the baby - I think you need to put your foot down. if you wanted to be diplomatic I would TELL sil nicely " I am going to need to have a word with the boys about the baby, I hope you don't mind, but I might sound quite strict, its just they have not listened to me so far and they are in danger of hurting him" - tell don't ask, then go for it.

"You do not go near baby , you do not rock his seat, you do not upset him, of you do no tv and you will go to your rooms with no tech and sit there etc " You really need to step here and do something about the baby, no other bugger will

obv no balls in house!!

We do (not) do X in this house
We do (not) do X in this house

And repeat

They need boundaries. Clear, firm ones. Children that don't have them at home can still learn them in other environments.

I wouldn't want to host them in the future though. It sounds like misery.

This IS what kids do, but only if they're not given the proper boundaries and discipline. Their parents need to be responsible for telling them to behave. It's shameful really that it's being left up to you. Sounds like their parents are enjoying the break from their responsibilities, which is really not fair on you or the kids.

I would be bluntly telling them that their kid's behaviour is completely out of line, and you feel very uncomfortable having to constantly stop them from potentially hurting the baby. They need to get them to behave or you will be asking them to leave.

My neice is exactly like that and sis is a lazy sod, so when she pops down for xmas I have a few garden toys/footballs set up & will make her go in any weather to tire herself out.

Re: baby nothing wrong with shouting/screaming at them if they do what you described. It's dangerous and if their parents aren't intervening then you should. My nephew (dh's brother's son) got a right bollocking from me when he swung around a baby at a wedding - sil and bil didn't like it but way I see it, they failed as parents on that day for not intervening. He hasn't dared misbehaving around me since.

Can you wear your baby in a sling when they are around? It doesn't look like things will improve unless your husband has words and he sounds unlikely to do this.

You can't say what needs to be said. You'll be forever seen as the wife who doesn't like her husbands family.

Work around them in clever ways. They obviously are not used to occupying themselves without electronic games and they sound bored.

They are old enough to go swimming alone and walk to a park. It will fall on you to do the research then send them out, either alone with a ball or with their parents or your DH. Give them pennies for a sweet shop. Ash them to walk to a shop for some milk. Anything to get them involved and out of the house.

They need to let off all the energy.

Sending hug, it sounds jolly hard work.

STOP SAYING PLEASE TO THEM!!

Neither of the children are young kids - in a few years they will be teenagers ffs.

If keep upsetting your baby then raise your voice firmly and say you need to stop doing that and let the baby rest otherwise you'll have to go home. Its not acceptable behaviour from a 4yr old, let alone 9&10yr olds.

If they*

Bloody hell, I think I'd take the baby upstairs "for a feed" and baricade myself in the bedroom with him.

I actually have a bit of sympathy for the boys as it sounds as if they are bored out of their minds - everyone is right, kids that age need to be outside running off their excess energy not expected to sit around a house behaving themselves and a drive in the car isn't exactly interesting at that age either.

However, at 9 and 10 with no SN, they are certainly old enough to know not to upset a baby. But they appear to not have been taught how to behave.

Look up local adventure playgrounds, soft play (although they are getting a bit big for that really) etc etc and tell your DH to take them there for a good few hours.

You would not be unreasonable to tell the parents their behaviour is upsetting the baby and you need them to leave, but I do understand not wanting to fall out with family. Can you take baby round to a friends house? You shouldn't have to leave your own home but it might calm your nerves a bit.

They shouldn't be jumping on furniture or being rough with the baby but they do need be occupied. They need to be burning of energy , not sure how your DH taking them for a drive was going to help with this.

I would turn the ps on then you have some leverage, jump on the sofa ps gets turned off, rough with baby ps turned of for X amount of time.

I would also send DH or sil to B&M or somewhere and get a magic set or something to give them something to do. Learn a trick each and they can play on the ps. Go the park, another trick each before dinner then back on the ps.