Just walked in on DH masterbating

[smegsmeg]

Just walked into our computer room to find my DH masterbating to something on the computer (I think it was bondage type porn). I left immediately and took the dog out, feel so awkward as I was in the house why didn't he just pursue me?

Wwyd? Has anyone else walked in on that before?

Fox Are we reading the same thread? Most insinuate that they do wank, that's it's normal and it's nothing to worry about.

Don't you ladies wank?

Unfortunately lots of women have been conditioned to think that "nice girls don't do that".

I don't have a problem with wanking, just a little bit with the lack of imagination that requires you to have a visual stimulus in order to do it and a lot of a problem with the idea of someone wanking to the accompaniment of someone else having been filmed doing something they may not actually have enjoyed or really wanted to do.

But there does seem to be quite a lot of replies that suggest the lady-posters don't masturbate, which... I dunno, surprises me I guess. I thought most did.

Really? I can't see any posts that suggest that?

Do you have children who could have walked in, OP? Masturbating without locking the door is what would bother me. Well, that and the porn.

There's nothing wrong with porn in a healthy relationship.

Personally, as a straight woman, I find it quite attractive to see two men going at it, something that's never going to happen with DP. We still love and find each other very attractive and have regular sex, so what's the issue?

It's perfectly healthy, and normal I'd say. Talk to him if it bothers you, but maybe he just fancied a quick one with minimal effort.

I don't think it sexist either because women can and do watch porn.

The porn you watch doesn't mean you want to recreate it in real life.

Everybody needs a wank now and then.

Can you not imagine two men going at it, MrsMattBomer? Why do you need to watch?

Tell this to all those male playwrights and novelists. I don't believe that men aren't just as capable of imagining - of being mentally creative, conjuring up scenes and so on.

Someone could be an expert at this and still find the experience of seeing it far better and more satisfactory. As that is just how their sexual response to different types of "stimuli" just works.

If we could just choose how our sexual response works and what we find satisfactory maybe some would choose to find imagination as good as actually having sex, and therefore save on time, energy and unplanned pregnancy/STI risks :)

If it was that much of an issue would you not have thought of joining him, either helping, masturbating mutually or leading it to full sex?

Gawd, am I the only one who implores asks DH to 'please just go and have a wank' when he's groping me like a teenager and I'm trying to get bleddy stuff done in the house

It may be more satisfactory to see it, but if you know that what you are seeing may well be the result of coercion, not enjoyment, then is it really something you need to do to improve the experience? Is sex really so important that it is worth taking something out of your imagination and watching it being forced onto someone in real life?

Ps I'm sure there are actually plenty of people who find masturbation more fun than sex - you only have to read Mumsnet to see that. Plenty of people complaining their partners prefer masturbating to porn than having sex with them, and I know several women who prefer masturbating and imagining to the reality.

roundaboutthetown firstly yes sex is important, massively so (well to some anyway). And yes anything's possible. Even amateur couple Mr and Mrs Smith may only have filmed that video because a masked intruder broke into their home and forced them to do it. And you'd never know if they are such outstanding actors that they simply give nothing away of the fact that they are acting under threat or coercion. Literally nothing, no vibe, no body language, no momentary facial expressions, just nothing that would tingle those spider senses.

We could do what ifs about lots of things. The people who are into threesomes and swinging, how do they know whether the woman or one of the women was coerced or pressured into this by her partner behind closed doors. Then they won't just be watching it they will be participating in it. Or back to more traditional sex, if you are a guy how do you know whether the woman you have picked up has self-esteem issues and is only doing it for that reason, or has some other reason and this all might not be doing her many favours. What if you spread STDs, what if you procreate and some future child has to grow up without a Dad. What if, what if, what if.

Ps I'm sure there are actually plenty of people who find masturbation more fun than sex

Of course there are, as well as people who get more from imagination than they would from a visual, and if that is the way their sexual response works then more power to them.

Some people would rather watch or fantasize about certain things than actually engage in them. Nothing wrong with that! Look at it this way, you don't have to worry about kids walking in or rope burns! ;D

JAPAB - I see what you mean, although I guess I am very much a what if person on this subject, so find it a bit weird that others can happily turn those inconvenient thoughts off so easily. Still, watching porn for me would be like watching the film of a book I've read where all the characters are a huge disappointment, because they do not look the way I had imagined, so I guess it's easier for me to be put off than others!

having sex with someone is different to wanking. Sometimes you just want a quick orgasm with none of the hassle of taking all your clothes off or thinking about pleasuring someone else. Unless hes doing it constantly and its affecting your sex life its not really an issue i dont think. It doesnt mean he doesnt want to have sex with you in general.

Interesting user name

Wanking is fine. Normal, healthy. Porn is not okay though.

MrsMattBomer "There's nothing wrong with porn in a healthy relationship."

There is so much wrong with porn - full stop. So sad so many people do not see the filming, of people's potentially coerced and definitely contrivrd 'sex lives' for money, as a very serious form of abuse. I find it very unhealthy and not at all liberating.

LittkeBooInABox what do you not find sexist about women selling access to their bodies for money and having it filmed?

They are engaging in sex they almost certainly don't want (or why would they need to be paid for it?).

The fact some women join in the objectification of other women in joining 'their men' in watching it does not make it any less damaging to the women (and men) caught up in the 'industry'.

roundaboutthetown fair enough. My preferred solution would be for them to stop making any new pro porn altogether, for the whole industry to shut down, but leave us with whatever has already been made. Won't please everyone in all ways but the people against the industry get one of their major wishes while those who want to watch will have plenty of pre-existing stuff to watch.

Italiangreyhound

Except most porn (by proper reputable studios who pay their actors real wages and sign contracts and have rules) isn't coerced.

It really isn't abuse at all. Bit worrying that you see it that way.

roundaboutthetown

Yes I can, although to be honest I'd rather just watch some really well made porn of very attractive men, thanks very much.