Just walked in on DH masterbating

[smegsmeg]

Just walked into our computer room to find my DH masterbating to something on the computer (I think it was bondage type porn). I left immediately and took the dog out, feel so awkward as I was in the house why didn't he just pursue me?

Wwyd? Has anyone else walked in on that before?

Nothing wrong with it. Dh a
Has caught me a few times, sometimes you just need to crack one put. Porn wouldn't bother me as long as it's not something awful/violence etc.

Me neither Laiste

The HORROR!

Nowt wrong with a quick Tommy Tank.

balence

Most porn is violence because most of the women doing it aren't doing it through choice.

I think OP could do with a list of euphemisms so that she can carefully broach the subject without actually saying the words "Wank" or "Masturbate"

To that end: "Having a wank"

Having a Barclays
spanking the monkey
bashing the bishop
choke the chicken
meeting pam and her five daughters
visit a one handed website
knock one off at the wrist
pumping hand shandy

hope they're useful OP.

It's not the fact of catching him, I know that it's a normal healthy thing to do and I respect that. It just upsets me that I know he's into this kinda thing and he dismisses when I try include it into our sex life. Also I have a very high sex drive, higher than his so when he's wanking he's also turning down sex with me later on which is so frustrating.

Pinkie

Five knuckle shuffle is one of my favourites

Maybe a little honest discussion about both your sexual needs is in order?

"It just upsets me that I know he's into this kinda thing and he dismisses when I try include it into our sex life"

Depending on the type of bondage, it may imply a power relationship during the session. Your husband may feel that he doesn't want either of you to feel submissive to the other? Or he may just enjoy the fantasy but not want the reality..

I know when I look at porn, it's sometimes this I find hot but wouldn't actually want to do.

It wouldn't bother me about my dh masturbating but dh watching porn would bother me.

This for me too.

Op you say you have a high sex drive and that he does this then rejects you for sex later. I've been there and it can be really demoralising. I think you both need to have a frank discussion on the effect his porn use/wanking is having on your relationship because you could end up miserable in the long run.

Now knowing that you do have a higher sex drive. I can completely understand your frustrations, especially, if he knows your sexual availability isn't in question, so it's not a fear of rejection on his part. Of course you will take this as a personal rejection. Do you think he's feels somewhat under pressure to meet your needs. So by him doing a solo job he's taking back some control?

There will be times in all relationships when one persons sexual drive is higher than there partners. I guess it's how you choose to deal with it?

Re the fantasy part, there are huge differences between role play and a fantasy that is played out in someone's imagination. I might find certain things a turn on, but, I wouldn't wish to act them out.

Just because you get turned on by something doesn't mean you actually want to do it. Apparently lots of women fantasise about the plumber turning up, stripping off and shagging them senseless on the washing machine - how many would actually want that in real life?! You just want the plumber to turn up when he says he will, have the right parts without needing to order them, and get the problem sorted quickly and without much mess.
Maybe OP's husband is the same (not about the plumber fantasy, though maybe) and likes to imagine but not act it out.

I know he's into this kinda thing and he dismisses when I try include it into our sex life.

As pp have said, don't fret about this. Is there no fantasy which you have which gives you a thrill but you certainly wouldn't want to act out with your DH? I have a good few! :)

Also I have a very high sex drive, higher than his so when he's wanking he's also turning down sex with me later on which is so frustrating.

Here you do have a point IMO. My sex drive is a bit higher than my DHs (especially when he's doing overtime at work - physical job) and he knows we're slightly mismatched. If he was regularly turning down sex with me because he's sorted himself out earlier i'd be upset too. You need a chat about this. But wait till a time when you are both calm and relaxed.

''You just want the plumber to turn up when he says he will, have the right parts without needing to order them, and get the problem sorted quickly and without much mess.''

Pwaaarr! Now you're talking katy!

I watch things on porn and masturbate all the time but wouldn't recreate them with DP, it's just fantasy and a way of getting off.. it really doesn't mean anything or affect our sex life. Maybe if you really wanted to get involved in bondge you could sit him down and tell him? He might think it'd freak you out. Also if masturbating replaces sex frequently then that needs sorting.

Men tend to use porn because they aren't so good at mentally visualising something theyve stashed in teh memory bank - I know my 'wank database' in my head is FAR superior to OH's..

For some it is not a question of ability to imagine things and this having deficiencies. Some people just have a sexual response that works in such a way that having a visual is just a far better experience than just imagining.

In a similar way that preferring to actually have sex is a better experience than either looking at something or imagining it. Just the way some people work.

Five knuckle shuffle is one of my favourites

I've heard some ones in my time, for both the male and female version. An odd one I heard recently was the use of "mansplaining" as a euphemism, as is "he is mansplaining to himself" = "he is having a wank". Another one was "shaking hands with the unemployed". And for the female version there's "gilding the lily" and "getting the change out of the slot machine". There must be hundreds.

He wanted to wank rather than wanted me.
I don't see it that way. They are 2 separate things.
Nothing like a good wank!!
Now, if you have problems, i.e. But having sex enough, because he is wanking to porn, that's a different problem.

Unless you two aren't having sex at the moment, I don't see this as a 'rejection' to you.

Having a wank is different to having sex. It's easier. It's all about you on your terms and timing. And you don't get sweaty.

I have several fantasies I like to masterbate to, but I wouldn't want to do in reality.

Men tend to use porn because they aren't so good at mentally visualising something theyve stashed in teh memory bank

Tell this to all those male playwrights and novelists. I don't believe that men aren't just as capable of imagining - of being mentally creative, conjuring up scenes and so on. That said, I wouldn't have a problem with a partner wanking, though if they continuously rejected me in favour of it, I'd be concerned - and want the chat. Not sure re the porn thing. I think I'd want to, again, make sure it wasn't replacing intimacy but other than that, I'd let it go. You could always buy female-tailored porn, OP, leave it by the bedside table and tell him it's his turn to make dinner because you're just going to 'rest your eyelids' for half an hour. See how cool he is to pictures of massive manhoods laying about.

Well I can tell you the correct response isn't "Oh that reminds me, I need to buy carrots!"

It's not a reflection you - sometimes men (and women too) just get the urge but don't want full sex. It happens to me too, and I'm a woman.

I think men not having an imagination isn't right, I'm a woman and I definitely need visuals..

I don't have an issue with my dp having a wank he'll usually ask if I want to have sex and if I don't he'll ask if he can go have a wank so yea if I don't want it he can go watch porn and do what he needs to do, the porn he watches is girls with my body type and hair colour, maybe that's why it doesn't bother me

I have to ask...

Don't you ladies wank?

I mean, assuming you do, then we can all agree that masturbating and having sex are two different things. I don't chase my husband around every time I fancy a wank. Frankly one is fast, one takes ages. It's a different activity.

But there does seem to be quite a lot of replies that suggest the lady-posters don't masturbate, which... I dunno, surprises me I guess. I thought most did.

I'm not a lady.

My OH can tell when I have been to busy to self pleasure!