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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To date whilst 20 weeks pregnant

40 replies

WynterBlossom · 15/12/2016 15:01

Hey all, so!

Have name changed for this.

I'm single but pregnant, would it be wrong to date whilst pregnant &! Also how would I go about telling the guy in a way which wouldn't scare him off?

I'm not looking for a relationship nor am I looking for sex, I'm just looking for a bit of company and to obviously get out the house aside from going to work!

OP posts:

luckylucky24 · 15/12/2016 15:03

If you are not looking for a relationship are you looking for numerous dates with the same person or various dates. If the latter does it matter if you don't tell them?
Obviously if it is noticeable you will have to tell them before.

Sparlklesilverglitter · 15/12/2016 15:03

I think you do just need to be upfront and tell him. There is no way to tell him that will make sure you don't scare him off as you say.

Are you sure dating is good for you right now? At 20 weeks pregnant you can't of been single for long. Thing is most dating people are looking for a relationship or sex

Do you not have friends you can spend time with?

EatTheCake · 15/12/2016 15:06

Your pregnant and dating so just say that. If your seeing someone more than once I think you need to mention the baby really

If it's company you want instead of a relationship or sex there are other ways of getting out the house join a club, find a hobbie, got o a partner class etc
You've probably not been single for long if your 20 weeks so maybe a man isn't want you need right now

LouBlue1507 · 15/12/2016 15:07

Yes YABU

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 15/12/2016 15:09

No, NU. It's your body and your decision.

Do be careful, though - as normal and because I believe pregnancy fetishes are quite common.

xStefx · 15/12/2016 15:09

OOh my friend found her now partner when she was 16 weeks pregnant. She was upfront and honest and a wonderful man stepped up , was there at the birth and is now a fabulous dad to her little girl. Its possible, just be honest. If they are scared off then they aren't for you xx

Pinkheart5915 · 15/12/2016 15:09

For me personally I wouldn't date while carrying someone else baby but thats me.

I understand you want to get out of the house and find company but you don't have to date a man to do that.

Aoibhe · 15/12/2016 15:10

I'll be honest and say that my immediate thought was that all most men would run a mile.

xStefx · 15/12/2016 15:10

LouBlue out of interest can I ask why you think dating when pregnant is unreasonable? Not having a dig, just genuinely interested?

Andylion · 15/12/2016 15:10

At 20 weeks pregnant you can't of been single for long.

It's possible that the OP's pregnancy is not the result of a relationship; she may have been casually dating then, as well.

BreatheDeep · 15/12/2016 15:11

If you don't want a relationship or sex, why date? You could join some other groups or classes to get out of the house.

If you do want to date then go for it. Probably wise to tell them about the pregnancy early on though. Perhaps not first date, but second or third.

LouBlue1507 · 15/12/2016 15:13

xStefx

I've got no problem with pregnant women dating, so long as they're upfront about it and looking for something!

OP is only looking for friendship, people don't go on dates to find friendship, they want something more. OP should find other ways for company.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 15/12/2016 15:13

Sorry, just to be clear...is there a specific person you're looking to date? Or are you looking to go online dating or similar?

If it's the former, I'd say it wouldn't really be ideal. Or indeed a priority.

PurpleDaisies · 15/12/2016 15:14

I'd tell them upfront about the pregnancy (won't it be pretty obvious soon anyway?). It might put some people off but at least that weeds out anyone who won't be worth wasting any time on.

I'd be looking to platonic friends for company for minimum complication just before your life gets very complicated. If you happen to meet someone, that's a nice bonus.

Laiste · 15/12/2016 15:20

*''how would I go about telling the guy in a way which wouldn't scare him off? I'm not looking for a relationship nor am I looking for sex, I'm just looking for a bit of company''

Are you online dating? If so then perhaps it's time to come off and shift to a site for looking for just friendship. So there's no confusion or 'scaring' going on.

If it's in case of getting asked out in 'real life' one to one situations then
being honest from the get go is the best way forward. When the convo comes round to your status - pregnant and single, not looking for a relationship. The other person will know if it they want to persue a friendship or not.

xStefx · 15/12/2016 15:21

Cheers LouBlue I was just being nosey. Yeah I agree if OP is looking for friendship then she doesn't need to date. I misread and thought she was genuinely looking to date :-) x

Allthewaves · 15/12/2016 15:25

You need to tell about pregnant from the start. Tbh I don't think id online date as you would have to tell them your pregnant before meeting and I would be worried about weirdos

MrsMattBomer · 15/12/2016 15:26

Most men would run a mile. Sorry, but I don't blame them.

You don't want a relationship but you also don't want sex, so what's the point in dating? That pretty much eliminates all single men!

Hardshoulder · 15/12/2016 15:28

I'd tell them upfront about the pregnancy (won't it be pretty obvious soon anyway?). It might put some people off but at least that weeds out anyone who won't be worth wasting any time on.

What a bizarre comment. Surely it would hardly be unreasonable of someone to think there are easier ways of starting a relationship than becoming romantically involved with someone who's halfway through a pregnancy?

OP, you sound confused - if you don't want sex or a relationship, aren't there other ways of getting out of the house that won't involve worrying about making pregnancy disclosures?

myoriginal3 · 15/12/2016 15:30

God no. Don't put yourself through that.
You'll see glimpses of what it might have been like and they will then fuck off.
You're at a vulnerable time now. Don't make yourself more likely to get hurt.

VoodooPeople · 15/12/2016 15:32

You must have a tiny bump at 20 weeks if they aren't likely to notice without being told.

Seems you are looking for companionship rather than anything else so surely it won't make any difference if you are pregnant or not?

angstybaby · 15/12/2016 15:34

If you just want some company why don't you do antenatal classes or join an evening class, etc? There are plenty of platonic dating sites

People who go on dates generally want sex or a relationship and you don't want either. It seems a bit unfair, especially as most blokes would feel the need to pay for your meal/drinks.

musingsofawannabemumpreneur · 15/12/2016 15:35

I don't think you are BU one of the couples I know who have been together for 15+ years and are still totally smitten with one another actually met when she was pregnant with another man's child.

And if you're anything like I was as a pregnant woman, if a man can fall in love with you whilst you're hormonal and not feeling at your best, things can only get better from there!

If you're emotionally prepared for their response, go for it! Just be honest and upfront and make it clear you won't be offended if they run a mile. Good luck

Original poster

WynterBlossom · 15/12/2016 15:36

I'm not looking for a relationship, however it would be nice to regularly meet someone who could potentially turn into something.

I don't want anyone to think I'm basically looking for a dad for my child because that's the last thing I want.

OP posts:

LeopardPrintSocks1 · 15/12/2016 15:36

My friend at 19 met her now husband while pregnant. They now have 2 other kids of their own. Not all men would run a mile tbh but I'm sure it wouldn't appeal to the majority

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