To be embarrassed by DH last night?

[BlessThisMess]

DH and I went to DD's music concert at school last night. At times, the music was overly loud and I was uncomfortable with it, but I was somewhat embarrassed to see DH blatantly sticking his fingers in his ears for the duration of the loud performances. Is it reasonable to find this rude or is he merely taking care of his own physical health regardless of how it looks? He is in his 60s and has tinnitus, if that makes any difference.

My dad does this! He has really sensitive ears and loud music causes him pain. He normally puts tissue in his ears if it's an option, though.

I think he needs to sit towards the back and carry earplugs in future. While he has his reasons for doing it, it does look rude.

My son has hyperacusis, loud noises cause him pain. If we are going somewhere that might be loud he takes his ear defenders to pop on.

It would be better for him to have taken earplugs. But having got there and realised he didn't have them and the noise was hurting him, using his fingers was the next best option. It would be good for the kids to learn that people get conditions like tinnitus- so if any of them did notice and mention it, it could be a good opportunity to talk about how we all have different needs (and looking after our hearing is a good idea!).

Personally I think that if amplification has been put too high then obvious covering / protecting ears is indicated. If noticed then the teachers and/or the students need to realise that excessive noise is inappropriate.

My ears are shaped such that there are like of little flaps I can close by sort of resting my head on my hands and discreetly closing ear flaps with fingers. I fondly believe (or do I?) that to the casual observer I look as if I am soulfully carried away by the music.

How good was the playing?

If it was high quality upper school music then it would look like he was doing it for comfort. If it was your classic school noise fest then I think it would look rude (I'm sure we've all winced through a few of those).

In his shoes I think I would have left and taken myself as far away as possible.

If it happened when my sons were playing (and you say it was blatant) then I'm afraid I would think it was rude. Surely he must realise people might think he's being rude though.

His age has nothing to do with it.

..and yes I would be embarrassed if someone in my party did it as I would think people would think he didn't like the music and was being obvious about it.

Maybe people are wrong, but don't tell me most people would think "oh, he must have tinnitus".

How many people were there? How many were actually looking at your husband the whole time? You're overthinking this. The man has tinnitus, he forgot his earplugs so he stuck his fingers in his ears. Anyone asks, and they probably won't, say or tell your kids to say just that. It's not like he started a mosh pit or crowd-surfing or rushed the stage or stood on his chair air-drumming - now those would be embarrassing.

Yabu. Poor man. Im afraid if that loud id have to do the same. Beauty..not toddlerish...more protective of your hearing if you dont have ear plugs with you. I probably have moved further away from the music.

If I saw a man in his 60s at a school concert with his fingers in his ears, my first thought would be that he had a medical issue and would just think, "Poor guy, that must be painful."

My OH does this when children are making a noise or my terrier is barking. I find it horribly childish, I'm afraid, sitting in a cafe with fingers in his ears because children are being children. I take his point with the dog, though, she's very shrill. But he's ASD and doesn't cope well with high pitched noises, so I feel your pain OP, but also his to a certain extent..

i get bouts of tinnitus so sometimes have todo this, i cant wear ear plugs as i find them extremely uncomfortable and with my fingers i can easily adjust the pressure to let more sound in/block it further. i couldnt give a shit if anyone is embarassed, theh are welcome to swap THEIR issue for mine any time.

yabvu

To be fair, I wouldn't expect a school performance to be overly loud, it sounds like a full on rock concert with ampilfiers and speakers!

I don't suppose dh was prepared for that sort of volume either.

I think it's ok to hold your ears discreetly. Were you getting funny looks?
I am a bit disappointed. I was hoping you were going to say he had a couple of shandys and got up for some wild dancing half way through in that embarrassing way dads do.

If I saw a 60 year old doing that my first thought would be that he was being rude. Then I might consider a hearing issue.

Sounds like he was caught out by how loud it was on this occasion

After attending my dc's carol concert yesterday I can sympathise with your dh. I managed to refrain from sticking my fingers in my ears but I did giggle all the way through most of it (especially one tone-deaf young girls guitar solo of jingle bells) - bless em!

If it was too loud, even without his hearing problem, don't think I'd be embarrassed ......... if there was cause to be embarrassed, surely it should be he who would be, not you - don't think this is embarrassing though and I wouldn't worry about it

I did giggle all the way through most of it.

Now that's rude!

Mixed opinions here then! Nobody gave him/us funny looks afaik, but I didn't look round much, so who knows. Maybe everybody else was wishing they could be so uninhibited! He does have Asperger's traits so is usually blissfully unaware of any social gaffes he might make!

A supply of earplugs in my handbag seems like a good idea. I'll get onto that.

This reminds me of a Mr Bean episode when he goes to the cinema to watch a very loud horror movie.

He calmly removes both socks and jams them into his ears, flicking the end nonchalantly over his shoulder when somebody tuts.

I have mild tinnitus and wouldn't use ear plugs as I worry about them damaging the ear follicles and making the condition worse.

I think you are vvv u.

Don't you understand or care about his condition? It's a sucky thing to have.

IDK, it's not as though he can he can help it and at least he stayed to watch but I can see how it might have hurt the kids feelings to see it. Not your own kids obviously, they know he has a medical issue with loud noise but other kids might have had their confidence knocked a little. He really should use ear plugs instead. But then he probably didn't expect it to be quite as loud as it was and better to be seen as a little rude than in pain. Hopefully none of the kids even noticed.

picks fence splinters out of arse

Is it really something that happens so often that it's worth you (?!) constantly carrying ear plugs around? To be honest, if the school were playing amplified music they should probably have had a supply of earplugs to hand - teaching kids to look after their hearing is important and setting that kind of example would be fairly powerful. Maybe suggest that?

DS1 can't cope with loud noise, especially "wall of noise" type things and wears ear defenders or covers his ears. If people comment I tend to just eyeball them until they fuck off. Because it's their problem, not mine.