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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex overly concerned about SIL's pregnancy

47 replies

brooklynbaby · 14/12/2016 18:52

My ex and I have a 2 year old dd. Throughout the pregnancy he didn't give a shit what I ate or what I did, it was all down to me. Some days I'd come in after a 10 hour shift and had already eaten without even thinking to put some extra on for me.

Sil (his brothers partner) is pregnant and they're currently having their house refurbished and only have a microwave and a small gas oven thing. So my ex cooks for them all the time which is obviously nice but he goes as far as to carefully check what ingredients he uses and researches them. As well as checking salt content.

Anyway today I bought her a burts bees expectant mum gift set from me and dd and I messaged my ex to say don't get her and bath stuff or whatever as I've already got her that. He replied asking whether I'd checked the perfume and ingredients in the set.

Is he fucking kidding? He showed no concern whatsoever when I was carrying our dd.

OP posts:
happychristmasbum · 14/12/2016 18:59

I think you are really over invested in ex's life. How do you know all this crap about his interest in SILS pregnancy?

Messaging him to tell him what to/not to get SIL is interfering really. How long ago did you split up? Sorry but it sounds like you haven't really come to terms with the fact you aren't a couple any more Sad

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 14/12/2016 19:07

Maybe he's grown up?

Or do you think he's been carrying on with SiL and it's his baby?

DailyFail1 · 14/12/2016 19:08

Agree with christmasbum. Let it go.

Softkitty2 · 14/12/2016 19:08

Oooohhh is it his baby? 🙊

Original poster
brooklynbaby · 14/12/2016 19:09

He definitely hasn't grown up.

I know about it because sil tells me and then him asking about the fucking ingredients in the gift set I got just pissed me off.

Believe me I know we're not a couple and I'm very happy about that fact

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 14/12/2016 19:19

Why are you letting it get to you?

I'm thinking his baby

Footinmouthasusual · 14/12/2016 19:22

So do you think it's his baby op?

Original poster
brooklynbaby · 14/12/2016 19:26

I highly doubt it but I can't say I didn't think that too.

OP posts:
LardLizard · 14/12/2016 19:30

I can see why this would piss you off op

But just be glad that twat is out of your life
He sounds like a right knob

Yesitsmeagain · 14/12/2016 19:38

You'll have to drop some covert hints to ex/sil which they might construe as the other having told you the secret then watch it all come spilling out.

Just like on the films.

OP to SIL "ohh, not long now. I bet ex is getting exciting" (in your head that sentence is finished with to be an uncle)
SIL shocked face, then relieved face then sobbing "OMG I can't believe he told you! I've been struggling with this for months. I promise it was just the once, and it was long after you two split. Oh Brook I don't know what to do. He's texting me every 5 mins asking me what I've eaten and have I checked my blood pressure"

I'd put money on it.

Whatsername17 · 14/12/2016 19:40

If it were his baby your sil wouldn't be telling you how attentive he is as she wouldn't want to arouse suspicion. He didn't step up for his first child so isn't likely to with another. Totally understand why it irritates you but it is just another reason as to why he is your ex.

Yesitsmeagain · 14/12/2016 19:44

It is a bit though to be telling your ex what not to buy someone.

And if I've understood correctly the pregnant woman is your ex's SIL, not yours.

Atenco · 14/12/2016 19:54

I too totally understand how annoying this is, especially as your pregnancy is still quite recent.

I only stopped getting annoyed at my ex when my dd was too old to need the unpaid child support.

And yes, everytime I'd get annoyed I'd have friends telling me that it must be because I was still in love with him, ggggrrrr

Original poster
brooklynbaby · 14/12/2016 20:27

I didn't text him in an aggressive way saying 'don't buy so and so' I sent it so that we didn't duplicate gifts and so if she commented on it when she received it that he'd have an idea what dd got for her and wouldn't look daft Confused

She's not my sister in law no. They're not married so she's technically not his either. She is however my dd's aunt and therefore part of our lives.

OP posts:
ChristmasTreeKisses · 14/12/2016 22:36

OPSo do you think your SIL is having your XPs baby?

Itsnotmesothere · 14/12/2016 22:57

I understand why you are bitter. Your dd is only two, it would hurt me if it were my ex fawning over a pregnant woman and he hadn't given a shit about me during my own pregnancy. If it were his child wouldn't he behave how he behaved with you?

Benedikte2 · 14/12/2016 22:59

Brooklyn I can see why you are miffed if your ex showed so little consideration about you and DD during your pregnancy and is now going overboard about SIL and hers. TBH I do find it very strange when he has so little obvious investment in the pregnancy.
What I do find hard to understand is why so many people messaging on here lack any understanding of your position. True the man is your ex, but he is also your DDs father and you are retaining links with the family for DD.
Would mnetters think the situation would be different if their DCs father/their ex treated his second family with more consideration than he ever did his first and them, that in that situation they are not entitled to feel the unreasonableness of it?

Footinmouthasusual · 14/12/2016 23:01

YesItsMe you should script eastenders I hear a do do dodododo after your posts.

Op seriously he sounds a knob and you and your dd are well out of it love.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 14/12/2016 23:02

I don't think it's helping that SIL is telling you this stuff...maybe discourage her?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 14/12/2016 23:05

Foot. It'snot dodododo! I thought the BBC confirmed it was duffduffduffduff or summat... :)

MrsDustyBusty · 14/12/2016 23:21

Is there a woman he thinks will be impressed by his diligent concern for pregnant laydeez?

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 14/12/2016 23:23

That would seriously piss me off too as it demonstrates, nay- rubs in your face, the fact that he can be caring and attentive just chose not to with you and your shared baby. He's a tosser.

Footinmouthasusual · 14/12/2016 23:29

sponge yes you right Grin duff duff duff etc Grin

Footinmouthasusual · 14/12/2016 23:31

Can I add getoutofmypab just so I can

Qwertie · 14/12/2016 23:32

Maybe he's trying to show you what a reformed character he is, OP?