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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my taxi driver into my home to use the loo?

58 replies

ofhorse · 14/12/2016 16:51

Jumped in taxi that I hailed from the street. Driver asked me where are we going, I gave him the address.
He then asked me if it is my home. I said yes. Then he asked if he can use my bathroom when we get there. I said "excuse me?" (Radio was blaring and so I wasn't sure what I heard). He asked again saying it's one of the problems being a taxi driver....

I was on backfoot and said oh yes of course! Confused even though I really didn't like the idea.

Dh is at home and will be there when I get in...

However i got a little braver as the journey went on (20mins) and asked that he instead pull into a petrol station on the way and use the facilities there. He said alright... then I felt guilty for some strange reason. (I'm a people pleaser) so told him it was that I'd hate him to be uncomfortable and traffic was bad. He said ok but was quiet the rest of the way home after being all chat! Hmm.

Aibu to not want to be put in that awkward position? If he needed to go to the loo that badly he shouldn't have taken the job. Or should I have let him into my home to use my bathroom?

As it turned out, I've just got in and dh is not home yet - so I'm glad I hadn't said yes now!

OP posts:
toptoe · 14/12/2016 17:33

Nope. He shouldn't have asked and put you in that position. For his sake as much as yours. It's hard not to feel guilty when someone makes an odd request like that and you don't know what to say. But then you have to think actually you wouldn't feel bad if he didn't make such a strange request to begin with. So his bad, not yours.

Trifleorbust · 14/12/2016 17:34

That's definitely one of the strangest things I have ever heard. However much he needed the toilet, what possessed him to ask a lone female passenger to let him into her home? Surely any reasonable person would know that would be a red flag to anyone. Ergo, he can't be a reasonable person. I would report this to his company or - if he's a black cab - even let the police know. It's not reporting a crime but there could be a pattern of similar behaviour. Maybe I am overreacting but I just think that is odd.

TheProblemOfSusan · 14/12/2016 17:36

Completely inappropriate of him. Your instincts were completely correct and he shouldn't have put you in that position.

riceuten · 14/12/2016 17:40

No, you were not being particularly unreasonable - it's your house after all, but frankly, I can't say I am particularly bothered about people requesting to use the loo. That might be you one day in different circumstances.

Maudlinmaud · 14/12/2016 17:41

YANBU op this happened to me when I was much younger (20ish) I knew the taxi driver, he was a lecherous old creep, always making gross remarks to me.
Anyway I was still living at home out in the country side and didn't the bugger ask me same question. I knew nobody was at home so I refused and he went round the side of the house to relieve himself. He was a chancer.

viques · 14/12/2016 17:43

Now I am not one of those for whom the lav is a sacred throne that no one except my family can use, I let all visitors , any workman, the window cleaner, almost anyone at all with who I am on speaking terms use the facilities, but even I would balk at this one. Very odd indeed.

Though asking someone to use a garage loo is pushing it, I've pulled into garages several times in desperate need and been told the loo is out of action, so suspect a lot of garages prefer not to let people use their customer loos . I also imagine cabbies are well aware of all the available loos in an area, pubs,garages(!) ,macdonalds, friendly cafes etc, so asking a customer to let them in is very strange.

Btw the myth that london cabbies can urinate against their wheels without being done for a public order offence is just that, a myth.

Jaxhog · 14/12/2016 17:43

YANBU. Totally inappropriate. If he isn't a black cab, I wouldn't even flag him down. They are the only people legally allowed to 'cruise' for fares (in the UK).

GabsAlot · 14/12/2016 17:44

i wold have aid no prob but be careful anyway hailing cabs off the street

notgettingyounger · 14/12/2016 17:44

YANBU : as a cab driver he is mobile and must know where the public facilities are and can drive to them. Or nip home or to a friend's house. Completely not on to ask to come into your house. I agree about reporting him - if it was entirely innocent then he can learn from his error. If he's not then this will alert the company.

doomf · 14/12/2016 17:44

Is this a follow on thread from the nursery poo woman?

TheCatsMother99 · 14/12/2016 17:46

He could have turned his light off and gone for a wee beforehand or afterwards.

YANBU.

DH in or not, I wouldn't be happy with this.

MrsGsnow18 · 14/12/2016 17:55

I wouldn't be happy to let any stranger( either gender) into my home to use the toilet. I don't think it's an acceptable thing for him to have asked at all.

scootinFun · 14/12/2016 18:04

I have a male relative who is a taxi driver. He's getting on a bit and had an irritable bowel that flares up with little warning and much urgency. He has had to dig a hole in a field to have a shit - a low moment for him. He has never asked any client to use their toilet.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/12/2016 18:12

oh bless scootin, that must be really hard. Yes my friend who's got caught short, he's a coach driver, had to pull over and dig a hole, he was absolutely desparate. Thank goodness his coach did not have passengers at the time. There is usually a supermarket round here, every mile, so taxi drivers could easily use the facilities there.

Yoarchie · 14/12/2016 18:15

Yanbu
Whilst it would be nice to live in a world where you can do a stranger a kindness without risk/worry, we unfortunately don't.

MrsMattBomer · 14/12/2016 18:24

YANBU to refuse but he wasn't BU to ask.

I've let taxi drivers use our loo in the past, but it's a small taxi company where we know all the drivers (most live in our village) and they've done great things for us in the past (like driving 20 miles back to drop off my handbag I'd forgot with no charge).

lalalalyra · 14/12/2016 18:30

Id mention it to three taxi company tbh. It's a stupid, and inappropriate, thing for a male driver to ask of a lone female passenger. It flags it to then if anyone else has complained and also allows them to highlight his stupidity if he's just daft.

Original poster
ofhorse · 14/12/2016 18:35

Thanks for all the responses- pleased to see it's pretty unanimous!!
I'm sometimes too polite and my instinct is to immediately oblige friends/colleagues/strangers but I was really shocked he even asked. I'm in taxis every week at one point or another and have been for years and have never been asked this. Was taken aback when he asked - as I say the gut reaction was to say "Oh yes of course!" - annoyed with myself at that - but glad that I piped up halfway home and said actually would you mind if you stopped at the petrol station. He said he didn't want to delay me but I said no that's fine...

Anyfucker I hailed from the street but that is abso normal here - I'm in Dublin.

OP posts:
Original poster
ofhorse · 14/12/2016 18:42

Also - had been texting dh while I was in the cab to check he'd be there when I got in.he said he would. So I was actually going to leave it and let him run in to the loo. But then I just thought to myself ... this is bullshit- I don't really want the guy coming in- and you have to walk through the house and the kitchen to get to the loo and the kids will be there ...

When we got here DP had got stuck in traffic doing the (kids) pickups and got in 4 mins after me - so I would have had to let taximan in on my own after promising him the loo ..??!! Oh phew! Thank goodness I had said no. That would have freaked me out!

OP posts:
Original poster
ofhorse · 14/12/2016 18:43

Sorry if my posts a bit incoherent- feeding toddlers here!

OP posts:
CaraAspen · 14/12/2016 18:52

Sounds a bit weird and v creepy tbh. It was totally inappropriate to ask.

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 14/12/2016 19:22

Reminds me of that Gavin de Becker book about acting on your fear. Sometimes, predators do rely on people, especially women, beimg too polite to say no.

Beebeeeight · 14/12/2016 19:26

John worboys

MammaTJ · 14/12/2016 19:30

YANBU! It has been said before, but I agree he was a chancer and there was no good reason for him not to go to the toilet elsewhere.

Instincts are a good thing, we need to recognise them more.

TheLegendOfBeans · 14/12/2016 19:35

The fact of the matter here is that I know everyone is all like "oooh don't assume all cabbies are serial killers" - but do you mean to tell me that the word "rape" hasn't crossed any of your minds/the OP's mind at all?

Let's not fuck about here; hailing off the street/ubering/black cabbing you do NOT let a bloke you've just met and probably not seen the face of into YOUR home AT ALL.

I always let another person know when I've "got a man in" (gas/leccy/plumber) or do it when DP is about.

I've been doorstepped by "a gasman" before and asked to see ID. I wasn't convinced by what I saw and didn't let him in.

I'm a dyed in the wool people pleaser but TBH wouldn't ever invite a man I've never met into my home.

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