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AIBU?

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Original poster

My ex thinks i'm being dramatic, am i?

48 replies

GreatFuckability · 13/12/2016 23:16

My ex and I have 3 dc together. We've been split up for 3.5 years or so, and for the most part we get on ok. There are things about each other that the other isn't a fan of, but thats why we are not together anymore.
Our 13 year old DD came home from school today complaining of palpitations (she didn't use that word, she said her heart feels like its fluttering and stopping, which I have construed to mean palpitations, in the interest of full disclosure). She has previously complained of this, and I've mostly put it down to being winter and asthma season for her (her heart racing is often a sign of an imminent asthma flare up) and/or her being hungry as she sometimes skips lunch.
However, around 9pm she came into my room and said her heart was banging hard and her left arm was hurting. I took her pulse (which was pretty normal at 90bpm) and got her to do some deep breathing. I then rang my ex because I have 2 other kids here asleep, no car and I was concerned she might need OOH or something and I'll admit partly to get another adults take on the situation. We had a 30 sec conversation where he said she was 'fine earlier' (he saw her for 5 mins when picking up our other daughter) and that 'there's nothing wrong with her'.
This annoyed me that after not even a proper conversation he had unilaterally decided it was fine and I found his tone patronising.
So, is it REALLY so very unreasonable of me to phone her other parent when a child is complaining of chest and left arm pain?
I think she had an anxiety attack, as after 10 mins of deep breathing she said the pain had gone. I'm watching over her sleep though as I am concerned about it and will take her to my GP tomorrow.

OP posts:
MrsDustyBusty · 13/12/2016 23:21

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Your child has complained of symptoms that are making her upset on a few occasions. It would be negligence to ignore her. It may be nothing but you can't assume that. Even if it turns out that there's nothing wrong, your child must be sure that you will take her seriously if she is worried.

Aderyn2016 · 13/12/2016 23:23

He is being a dick. Hope all is well at the GP tomorrow - I think it is very important that she gets checked over. The fact that you were worried should have been sufficient reason for him to get his arse over to yours, so you could take her to ooh.

Original poster
GreatFuckability · 13/12/2016 23:23

he also said i was 'making it worse', because I took her pulse. Not sure how i'm meant to establish if her heart is, in fact, beating fast without taking her pulse? Apparently I shouldn't have done it because I'm not a doctor.

OP posts:
BlueFolly · 13/12/2016 23:24

It does sound like you were being over dramatic, yes.

Original poster
GreatFuckability · 13/12/2016 23:27

blue folly can you expand on that?

OP posts:
Aderyn2016 · 13/12/2016 23:29

Only a dr, who has examined the child can say whether the OP was right to be worried or 'over dramatic'. I would be stressed at being home with 3 dc and maybe needing to take one to ooh, with no car and no other adult at home to watch the dc.

WorraLiberty · 13/12/2016 23:30

Hard to say really OP.

Does your DD have form for being a bit dramatic or 'health anxious'?

If she absolutely doesn't and you have no idea where his opinion has come from, then YANBU.

But if she does, then I can kind of understand him saying there's probably nothing wrong with her.

However, you were not wrong to get his opinion even though you didn't like that opinion.

AleHouseWench · 13/12/2016 23:38

bluefolly are you the ex Hmm

BlueFolly · 13/12/2016 23:39

Well basically you're treating her like she's having a heart attack when it was just a bit of anxiety. Your ex couldnt have known if she was ill so phoning his just seems to be wanting to spread the drama about a bit (NHS direct would be more appropriate), and his dismissal of you makes me assume you have form for this sort of thing, as does the fact that you know how to take a pulse and are watching her sleep, even though she's fine.

BlueFolly · 13/12/2016 23:40

No, I'm not the ex.

The OP asked if she was being a bit dramatic.

Original poster
GreatFuckability · 13/12/2016 23:40

mmm, worra, she is definitely on the anxious side as a person, however, she is not one to play up health stuff (she will insist she is 'fine' and doesn't need to see a doctor with her asthma and then we get there and they have called an ambulance because her sats are so low, for example). He's totally entitled to his wrong opinion Grin. I think it was his immediate huffy tone and 'oh shes fine' brush off without thinking that bothered me. Like I was disturbing him when I shouldn't. He's her dad, who else am I supposed to speak to with a concern about our child's health, you know? especially as it was fairly late or I may have rung a friend instead.

OP posts:
sj257 · 13/12/2016 23:41

That's an impressive skill you have being able to diagnose a stranger through the Internet blue

BlueFolly · 13/12/2016 23:42

Thanks.

Original poster
GreatFuckability · 13/12/2016 23:45

bluefolly I know how to take a pulse because I've done first aid courses as I work in a healthcare setting.
I wasn't acting like she was having a heart attack, i rang him before NHS direct because I wasn't sure if her symptoms warranted that because I don't want to waste NHS time and I know from my work that if i ring them and say 'chest pains' they will either send an ambulance or tell me to go to A&E. If a&e might have been necessary i'd need him to take her, and I definitely didn't want them to waste an ambulance cos the NHS is cash strapped. I'm like the opposite of what you seem to be thinking here. I didn't ring saying 'OMG she's having a heart attack' I simply wanted another person to discuss it with and/or to give him a heads up.
I'm not sitting watching her, but I don't think keeping an eye on an asthmatic kid who isn't feeling good is massively dramatic, is it?

OP posts:
BlueFolly · 13/12/2016 23:51

Apologies, I took your post at face value and thought you wanted to know if it sounded like you were being a bit dramatic.

Original poster
GreatFuckability · 13/12/2016 23:56

I asked if it was unreasonable/dramatic to ring him because she was unwell, not if i sounded dramatic. I know I didn't sound dramatic when speaking to him Grin. But thanks for your reply and apology.

OP posts:
1horatio · 13/12/2016 23:59

Why wouldn't you ring her father?!

I'm usually on the side of 'better safe than sorry' in cases like this.

Atenco · 14/12/2016 00:10

Maybe I am dramatic too, OP, but we are not doctors and sometimes we need their help. I hope she is ok.

TempusEedjit · 14/12/2016 00:12

I think your DD complaining of her left arm hurting whilst her heart's racing sounds like she's looked up heart attack symptoms on the internet and has either worried herself into thinking her arm hurts or is panicking about having palpitations and is trying to give her story some extra oomph to make sure you take her seriously. She seems to be describing adult heart symptoms iykwim? Disclaimer I'm not a doctor, just had a quick google! But I went through a phase in my early twenties of being convinced I would die from a heart attack and this situation sounds similar to me. I would still take her to the docs though.

Klaphat · 14/12/2016 00:13

his dismissal of you makes me assume you have form for this sort of thing, as does the fact that you know how to take a pulse

Who doesn't know how to take a pulse? Hmm

Original poster
GreatFuckability · 14/12/2016 00:13

well that's what i thought 1horatio!
she's fast asleep now, so i'm going to bed too and will try and get a GP appointment tomorrow, just to check her over. thanks everyone.

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 14/12/2016 00:18

You're not unreasonable to phone him but he was right, no? She didn't need any medical attention, all is fine. None of us can judge his 'tone'. None of us know whether perhaps you're a worrier and he was trying to minimise your anxiety.

Original poster
GreatFuckability · 14/12/2016 00:18

tempus she definitely didn't look up symptoms not at that time anyway, she had no way of doing that as we don't have wifi at the moment and the only way of getting online at home is via my phone data. Its possible she could have looked it up at school i guess, but I don't think that would occur to her. I'm willing to concede its a possibility though and I'll have a chat with her about Dr Google for sure!

OP posts:
Original poster
GreatFuckability · 14/12/2016 00:25

paulanka yeah, he was right that she didn't need treatment, it was more his attitude that i was unnecessarily bothering him and deciding with no more information than 'she came home from school and had palpitations and now says her chest and arm hurt' that it was nothing.
I wouldn't say I''m at all anxious about this kind of thing. I'm probably more aware of health related 'things' than some people because of my job, but I'm also extremely aware of how busy the NHS is so I will try and treat stuff myself/see the pharmacist etc before I make a doctors appointment. I've probably taken a child to a&e less than 10 times in 13 years and 3 kids. most of those have resulted in overnight stays and/or surgery so have been for a 'reason'. I guess that's partly why I'm annoyed as I'm not the melodramatic type at all.

OP posts:
LilQueenie · 14/12/2016 00:25

I would have been worried sick if my DD had told me that. particularly with the arm pain at the same time. I don't think its unreasonable to call at all. DP would want to know as would I if it was the reverse. Perhaps take her to the doctor though and get checked over just to be sure there are no underlying problems like an arrythmia.