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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DP to be sober

39 replies

anyname123 · 13/12/2016 18:01

DP and I are friends with a couple, last night the wife and I went out for a few hours (to bingo, nothing wild), after being encouraged by both men. DP and the other husband looked after our 2 month old, great. Come home at 9ish to find both men drunk, not fall down drunk, but certainly glazed eyed, bit wobbly drunk.
Just for context we see this couple a lot, are going out for dinner with them Saturday , baby free, so can have a drink etc.
Am I being completely unreasonable to expect DP not to get pissed whilst looking after 2m/o? It was a Monday, absolutely no ocassion to celebrate, just stay sober for one bloody night.
I messaged him this morning saying I wouldn't want anyone else looking after her drunk, and whilst he's her Dad and has equal parental choice / responsibility, I really don't want him looking after her drunk either. He's told me I'm being unreasonable and that he was fine.
Before he gets home and an argument ensues, who is BU, me or him?

OP posts:
fourforksache · 13/12/2016 18:03

Yanbu, I've done it myself but realised after it was a massively stupid and irresponsible thing to do. Never again.

SVJAA · 13/12/2016 18:06

If the wee one was a bit older I'd see his point, but in this instance I think YANBU.

AyeAmarok · 13/12/2016 18:07

He is.

It's just a bit unnecessary, really. And shows a lack of responsibility.

MinesAGin · 13/12/2016 18:08

He was in charge of a two month old baby and got drunk? And he can't see what's wrong with that? What's up with him?

junebirthdaygirl · 13/12/2016 18:18

What would happen if he needed to take her to hospital in an emergency, he couldn't drive. He is completely out of order as he is not fit to be in charge of a baby.

TallyHoAndToodlePip · 13/12/2016 18:19

YANBU. He needs to show a bit of common sense and self control when he's the sole person responsible for the baby.

Sirzy · 13/12/2016 18:21

A couple of drinks but still able to function is fine. Drunk isn't.

AnyFucker · 13/12/2016 18:22

I would assume he had a problem with drink

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 13/12/2016 18:23

He was a twat.

TheCakes · 13/12/2016 18:25

Is this his first baby? I and almost everyone I know, have had a moment in the first few months, when they didn't realise how incompatible booze and babies are. It's not something the NCT warn you about.
It doesn't sound like they wouldn't have been able to handle a situation between them, but not the wisest move, especially given the baby is still so young.
He's BU if he doesn't recognise that, though he could get defensive when you put it to him.

Original poster
anyname123 · 13/12/2016 18:27

Thankyou all, I genuinely doubted myself as he is so adamant he's done nothing wrong. I'm now thinking I can't leave him in charge of DD, and ultimately that I'll end up leaving killing him if he can't step up and be a responsible adult. The realisation that you picked a shit man to have a child with is a bloody shitter

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/12/2016 18:30

Is he shit in other ways too ?

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 13/12/2016 18:30

What happens on Saturday when you both go out without the baby so you can both have a drink? Or have a I read that wrong and only one of you will be drinking?

Original poster
anyname123 · 13/12/2016 18:38

Felicia the baby will be staying with my Mam, and will be brought back at lunchtime. We'll both have a drink, but I'll stop at 3 or 4 as I don't deal well with hangovers.
Anyfucker he is pretty useless in lots of ways (drinks too much, no housework etc), but does pay all bills and I just buy food as I'm on mat leave. He does do some childcare etc,

This is just the latest in a long line of things he's done to upset me, mostly involving him being inconsiderate. I want to leave but feel trapped as the house is his, and I haven't a clue where to start.

OP posts:
RainyDayBear · 13/12/2016 18:47

YANBU. A couple of drinks but still functioning is fine, that situation isn't!

AnyFucker · 13/12/2016 18:48

Go home to your mam

heron98 · 13/12/2016 18:49

I think the driving to the hospital thing is a bit of a non-issue. Lots of people (me) don't have a car and if it were an emergency would get an ambulance.

But i agree, there's no need to get drunk.

Squiff85 · 13/12/2016 18:52

Have you posted about this before? I recognise it

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 13/12/2016 18:54

Are you ready to plan for leaving then? Are you unmarried, with a mortgage, which you would struggle to pay on your own - is that what is making you feel trapped? I don't know what to do in such situations but I've seen people post their circumstances in 'relationships' and get good advice and support on how to prepare mentally and practically... get their ducks in a row, until the right time to leave.

Trifleorbust · 13/12/2016 18:57

A couple of drinks wouldn't be an issue for me but 'glassy eyes' and 'wobbly' Confused? Definitely not. What is he definition of being in a fit state to look after a 2 month old?

Original poster
anyname123 · 13/12/2016 19:00

Squiff I posted when I was pg and he was being a twat, but not since baby born (apart form looking for advice on feeding etc, as I'm a baffled first timer).
Thanks decaf, it's his house in his name, had it before we met. Unmarried. I may headmover to relationships to get some advice from people who have done it. The thing is though he will no doubt want contact, and may well get pissed then, I almost think I'm better here keeping an we on things. But then I'm not really thinking straight at the minute as I've a bit of PND / anxiety, exacerbated by him and his bloody antics

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/12/2016 19:02

Go home to your mam and only allow supervised contact. He will have to pay maintenance for the baby.

Degustibusnonestdisputandem · 13/12/2016 21:41

YANBU - such a tiny baby needs whoever is caring for it completely sober, imo... if the child was quite a lot older it might be different, depending on the circumstances....

corythatwas · 13/12/2016 21:50

The "what if he had to take her to hospital" is a red herring: thousands of parents don't drive anyway and still manage. We didn't have a driving licence between us when dc were little, and multiple health problems- we managed.

Far more to the point is "what if he has to change her nappy and she gets hurt because he is clumsier than usual/not steady on his feet/not paying attention"? What if she falls ill and he doesn't notice?

I can certainly see why you are livid.

junebirthdaygirl · 14/12/2016 19:28

Well even if you have to call an ambulance you still need to be in control to escorts the baby. I said about driving as anytime my dh was away l always felt l couldnt have a drink in case of an emergency. Just felt the responsibility on me. I didn't sit around Worrying. And it only happened once but l was glad to be in control.