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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell people to fuck off when they suggest...

52 replies

876TaylorMade · 13/12/2016 04:58

Children "need" to get sick....

My DD has picked up a nasty virus...high fevers...clogged nose...the works. She has been irritable...only wants me...and not sleeping. DH tries...but she screams for me...then I spend the next hr or so pacing the floor...because sitting down is just too much for her Hmm

I'm 24 weeks pregnant ATM... I've been sleep deprived since she was born, she's only just started sleeping through at 14 months...I was getting used to some kind of sleep...being pregnant and all.

Now people I know with no children who keep saying this shit... I've had it! I know she has to get ill...and will pick up bugs...I would hope for this to happen later...I think sick babies/toddlers are possibly the worst. But they say it with such "know-it-all-ness" I can't stand it. It's such a struggle getting her to eat or take fluids. They have no idea just how hard it can be.

Maybe AIBU... I'm tired and I think I've picked up her cold or whatever it is so feeling crap at the moment.

But I do just want to say to them STFU!!!

sorry for the rant.

Just to say there are currently a few meningococcal outbreaks ...different strains and there have been casualties.. .So I'm on edge...as she isn't vaccinated. It's not offered by the Government...must pay for it privately...but there is a shortage... I've been on a waiting list. (We live in Australia)

OP posts:
whattodowiththepoo · 13/12/2016 05:29

Whatever children need or don't need you don't need an answer to your rant or anger.
Pillows don't seem to have an answer when you scream in to one.
Hope things are better soon.

Flum · 13/12/2016 05:46

Umm..... Well I guess you could say that to them but it isn't very pleasant to tell people to fuck off unless maybe they shagged your husband or something. But, yeah try it, it might make you feel better. A day or two of rest
might help more though. Feel better soon!!

Ps... It does help with building up antibodies so they say.......

.. Scuttles off to hide under bed and avoid tirade of abuse.

TheMaddHugger · 13/12/2016 05:57

Soft Soft (((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))) 876TaylorMade. from another Aussie.

There is a lot of viruses going around. I had HFMD [https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/hand-foot-and-mouth-disease] the other week and I'm 52. Not even sure where i got that. My Grandson didn't have it. He doesn't sleep either

I really do feel for you.

Gardencentregroupie · 13/12/2016 05:59

I'm28 weeks pregnant. DD slept through for the first time age 2. In the last six weeks we've had a vomiting bug, then an awful flu-ey virus, then a shitty cold and now another vomiting bug. She's barely eaten and yesterday refused water. I have a shitty cold myself. But YABU. Toddlers get sick. A lot. They're gross little germbags. It builds up their immune system, hopefully by school age they'll not get quite so many bugs. I suspect they're just trying to find a silver lining for you and you're getting the arsenal because you're knackered.

TheMaddHugger · 13/12/2016 05:59

a few meningococcal outbreaks I know of a few in SA [where I am] (((((((Hugs ))))))) for anyone going through this

TheMaddHugger · 13/12/2016 06:00

(((((((((((((hugs Gardencentregroupie))))))))))

BoomBoomsCousin · 13/12/2016 06:03

Well, yes, it would be unreasonable as those people are just trying, however clumsily, to help you through a trying time. But when you're tired and pregnant and your kid is sick, you're bloody allowed to be unreasonable.

Hope things start looking up soon.

gaggiagirl · 13/12/2016 06:11

It's horrible. My eldest 2 had a cold when I had DC3 last week. This turned into HFMD. Ear infection and d&vs. Urgh.

Original poster
876TaylorMade · 13/12/2016 06:15

They're not saying this to comfort me. It's just in general conversation about children. When DH and I express why we don't send her to daycare/nursery and that comes up as one of the reasons... that's the response we are normally met with.

We've know families who took children out because of the frequency with which they are getting ill.

I know children a germ hoarders ... I know she will get ill. I would just prefer if she was older. I'm from a big family.. sick children I can deal with... babies/toddlers not so much. I find it extremely draining.... maybe that's also the pregnancy.

OP posts:
VintagePerfumista · 13/12/2016 06:20

Nobody has ever said that to me, and nor have I ever heard it bandied around.

Are all your acquaintances weird?

Original poster
876TaylorMade · 13/12/2016 06:25

To add... I'd never say fuck off.. I think maybe STFU!

They have no idea they have no children.

I got 2hrs sleep yesterday... spent the night pacing the floors with a hot screaming child... even with nurofen Sadthen DH & I spent the morning at the hospital (her nappy was dry and she was a bit floppy) ... then I spent the day with a clingy toddler... still wanting to be held and walked around with. She also desperately wanted to be on the breast... but she's so stuffed up she can't latch/suck without needing a breath. that made her more irritable. I'd hate it if she was younger... as she was EBF and never took a bottle.

I was so desperate to sleep... but she wasn't having it. It's just me, DH and DD. No family or really close friends to help out.

I would sell myself to have my mum to help!!!

I just think people say these things very casually and in a "know-it-all" kind of manner... but they've never experienced the stresses of dealing with a sick child.

OP posts:
Original poster
876TaylorMade · 13/12/2016 06:29

@vintage They're young married people... or just couples dating. No children... and most are expats/migrants. So not much family around who may have children they interact with.

OP posts:
toomuchtooold · 13/12/2016 06:41

YANBU. In my day (old gimmer) kids didn't mix all that much until going to school aged 5: my immune system was weedy as fuck when I turned up at school and I was ill most of the first term, but then I was fine after that - I don't think the lack of exposure in the toddler years was any bad thing for us long term. And it's 10 times easier looking after a sick 5 year old than a sick toddler. Toddlers don't understand what's wrong with them, they won't take it easy, they just run about until they're exhausted and in pain and then fall down and cry. By the time they're about 3 and a half they will lie on the sofa with a duvet and a sippy cup of warm squash and watch Frozen 10,000 times and it's much, much easier.

Gardencentregroupie · 13/12/2016 06:44

Well obviously you've decided that they ABU. Why are you even having these conversations with people? If anyone asks how things are you say "not great, DC has been ill again, you know how kids are". End of discussion.

CaroleService · 13/12/2016 06:51

Better she is sick now than when the new baby comes?

Ditsy4 · 13/12/2016 06:56

A simple " And how many children do you have?" Would be better. I hate the FWord.

Sorry you are feeling so awful. You sound tired and worn down. Hope you little one is better soon as it is very hard when they are ill. Have you taken her to the doctors. She could have an ear infection which makes them very fractious.
Two of mine had meningitis and my niece who was on life support. I was with my sister and stayed for three weeks until she went to high dependency. It is the most awful disease I can imagine your worry. Arm yourself with lots of information and seek medical advice sooner rather than later if you need to. I did and it saved my daughter even though an Out of hours GP told me to come in two hours after being told the symptoms 😱 I got her stuff ready and took her earlier and went to hospital. She was there five days.

Penhacked · 13/12/2016 06:58

Have you tried one of those snot sucker devices before she has a feed? You can also get steam aspirator things that help unblock their little noses for enough time to get them drinking. Not all docs recommend as they say the mucus just returns but it is great just for feeding and helpin them get to sleep. Don't bother with food intake being low right now, booby is enough when they are ill and off their food. It sucks and your friends should be offering real help right now not empty words. xxx

Miserylovescompany2 · 13/12/2016 07:18

My suggestion would be to express your milk into a generic cup, have LO by your breast for comfort and give small amounts at a time.

I've found the likes of sippy-cups crap especially when LO is full to the brim of snottage. Even ice-pops and alike are good, when LO has a temperature/sore throat...

I give both paracetamol and ibuprofen..together they help take the edge off for poorly little person.

If you feel overwhelmed? Hand little person to your whomever is available, let them take on a walk or drive around for an hour, so you can have a little calm. Little people pick up on stress :(

This won't last for ever OP, even though it feels that way. Hang on in there, this will soon be a distant memory (until the next time) ...two will be even more fun...

OhhBetty · 13/12/2016 07:27

A simple " And how many children do you have?" Would be better Please don't say that to anybody just in case they're struggling to conceive or have had a loss or anything like that. You just never know.

It does sound tough. I'm a single working parent with a toddler and it's just me and him. It's so hard and tiring when he's ill but I don't tend to get angry with others. As a pp said it sounds as though they're trying to clumsily offer comfort. They may not have children but that doesn't mean they don't know anything about them.

I know you said she just wants you but get your partner to take her out for a walk or something so you can rest.

Nemosnemsis · 13/12/2016 07:28

It sounds to me like maybe you bang on a bit too much about your children to people who don't really care, and then take offence when they try to say something to join in. Do you expect them to just sit there in silence while you have your monologue? if you don't like what they've got to say, maybe just change the subject.

Sorry you're having a tough time of it at the moment.

Original poster
876TaylorMade · 13/12/2016 07:57

Thanks ladies I am hanging in there!

@nemosnemsis - NO I do not bang on about my DD. Pretty sure I have other interests...and while its easy to talk about DD she's not my entire world. Most are young married and thinking about having children so children/babies usually pop up in general conversations. Prior to becoming a mum I probably would have said the same things..clueless as I was!

@OhhBetty - I've tried. But the crying goes from fussy to screaming. TBH I don't like hearing it...its more upsetting than having her whinging, moaning and crying on my shoulders.

@Miserylovescompany2 - Have been giving ice pops and lots of cold fruits. She's also teething ( the joys). GP said it will make her thirsty and want water. She eats but its not more than a mouth full or two.

@Penhacked - I do a Nose Freda (think thats how its spelt) and saline sprays.

@ toomuchtooold - I'm with you! I think 3 is a good age to pick up bugs Grin.

OP posts:
mumonashoestring · 13/12/2016 08:04

I had a not-too-different rant on here a few weeks ago Grin Yes it's important for their immune systems to be challenged but no parent (especially a pregnant, already tired one) should be expected to be all serene and cheery and reasonable about it.

Ditsy4 · 13/12/2016 08:04

Agree hadn't thought of that and I should have. I was meaning that unless you have been in the situation with a screaming ill child you can't know how tiring/ difficult it can be. Being pregnant as well when perhaps OP isn't feeling great herself.Getting angry with them won't help so I was trying to offer an alternative.

See you got out the wrong side of bed Nemo. Very harsh. How do you know what was said or for how long! Were you there? Very unhelpful.

Heatherbell1978 · 13/12/2016 08:09

It's tough OP so lots of sympathy from me. I'm 29 wks pregnant with a 2 yr old DS who has caught a few sick bugs recently and to make it worse, I'm still nauseous and when he's sick, I vomit too!!
It is true that nursery helps their immune system; DS started at 10 months and we went through the initial period of him catching everything....but after about 3 months that all settled down and now it's quite rare he's ill. He's not a great eater so we put a multivitamin in his milk each morning which I think might be helping - just a suggestion. Hope it gets better.

Giselaw · 13/12/2016 08:15

When DH and I express why we don't send her to daycare/nursery and that comes up as one of the reasons... that's the response we are normally met with.

So when you state one of the reasons you don't send your child to nursery is that she would pick up illnesses, they respond it's good for her because it builds up her immune systems.

And you want to tell them to fuck off because they're childless and don't know.

Well I have kids and I agree, it's a stupid reason to not send your child to nursery.